"Razors have sharp edges" stated H&S Executive Everard Fortescue today after the release of a shocking shock report on shaving accidents in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. "People are bleeding" says Mr Fortescue - "an...
In a shock revelation, Iranian President Avadmedinnerdad has revealed that he will allow his "country" (read 14th Century confederation of warring factions) to sell their controlling interest in the well-known aircraft modelling firm, Airfix. "We...
In a shock Holyrood announcement from the normally ignored Scottish Parliament, the marriage of Alexander Salmond (bachelor of the parish of fat, small fuckwits) and Tony Blair (spinster of the parish of unholy arseholes) has been announced. With...
In a shock revelation, Sebastian (Lord) Coe has announced a new competition that will feature heavily on our TV screens, newspaper front pages and social media for the next few weeks. "As soon as the Paralympics is over" states Lord Coe, "we will...
The United Kingdom armed forces have been decimated by recent cuts with unforeseen consequences. An average nuclear-powered hunter-killer sub requires a crew of 76 and a Trident sub needs a crew of 142 men and women. The above numbers do not in...
Chancellor Osborne (Ozzie to his mates - more later) has announced his plan for the rescue of the British economy. "We will announce new taxation rates that will take the average British family's annual bill to approximately 112.376% of their annu...
Recent scare stories about the imminent arid conditions to affect Southern England may be false - according to Wiltshire plumber, Tommy Gripefuttock. "Hosepipe ban - fuck off", expostulates Tommy. Mr Gripefuttock explains thus - "The aquifers a...
In a shock development today, the 1st Inaugural Anti-Elitist Cross Thames Swim (1IA-ECTS)was interrupted catastrophically by 17 men and a woman in 2 boats in an elite rowing race. The Umpire of the 1IA-ECTS, Ms Drephna Doughnu-Tgobbler has comment...
In a shock revelation, Dr Conrad (The Competent) Muller, Michael Jackson's trusted personal physician, has disclosed the whereabouts of Michael's olfactory organ. Most observers and commentators believed that Jackson's nose had substantially disap...
In a cliffhanging 3-Setter, Andie Murrray has made it to the last 16 of the annual Dog-Shagging Championship (grass surface), (Southern England Section). Not to be confused with the other well-known Southern English sport of dogging, the dog-shagg...
The principal executor of the Michael Jackson estate has announced that the anniversary of the troubled singer's death is to be repeated in perpetuity. "I firmly believe" says Uri Geller, spokesman for Jackson's spirit entity, "that Michael would...
In an unprecedented move, Buckingham Palace has decreed that the All-England Tennis Championship - Wimbledon - is to be cancelled. Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth was to have attended the championship for the first time is 138 years - but the news br...
In a shock revelation, "Voice of an Angel", Charlotte Church has published a letter to her written (it is alleged) by Tiger Woods. "Dear Charlotte" it begins in sickeningly familiar terms, " I write to you as one who recently has gone through a re...
A former Prime Minister of Great Britain is seeking a few brave men (and women - but men, really) to take care of his safety while he earns many millions of pounds sterling as a lecturer and motivational speaker. Mr Bliar - for it is he - needs protection. The attack can come from anywhere and at any moment. 14 security personnel are required to be present at every meeting between Mr Blia...
In a shock revelation, Lord Peter Mangelson UK Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) has announced that he is to enter into a Civil Partnership with the well-known American golfer, Tiger Woods. At a press conference one hour...
Even Spoof writers cannot conceive of today's reality. British King-In-Waiting Peter, Lord Mangleson (who is presently solving the world's global warming crisis) has declared that, if all males marry other males, the worldwide bee shortage will qu...
In a surprising development, the Southern States of the United States of America (USA) have decided that the President and the First Family may receive euthanasia at public expense! For President Barracks Obama's popularity is on the decline. M...
In a staggering turnaround, Lord Peter Mangelson (Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) has announced that, from next Tuesday, all generation of electricity is banned. "I was at Ratcliffe - on - Soar earlier today and I saw t...
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