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Health & Safety Executive Announce Ban On Shaving

Funny story: Health & Safety Executive Announce Ban On Shaving

"Razors have sharp edges" stated H&S Executive Everard Fortescue today after the release of a shocking shock report on shaving accidents in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. "People are bleeding" says Mr Fortescue - "an...

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Iranians to sell Airfix

Funny story: Iranians to sell Airfix

In a shock revelation, Iranian President Avadmedinnerdad has revealed that he will allow his "country" (read 14th Century confederation of warring factions) to sell their controlling interest in the well-known aircraft modelling firm, Airfix. "We...

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That Twat Blair to Marry That Twat Salmond

Funny story: That Twat Blair to Marry That Twat Salmond

In a shock Holyrood announcement from the normally ignored Scottish Parliament, the marriage of Alexander Salmond (bachelor of the parish of fat, small fuckwits) and Tony Blair (spinster of the parish of unholy arseholes) has been announced. With...

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The Honourlympics is about to begin

Funny story: The Honourlympics is about to begin

In a shock revelation, Sebastian (Lord) Coe has announced a new competition that will feature heavily on our TV screens, newspaper front pages and social media for the next few weeks. "As soon as the Paralympics is over" states Lord Coe, "we will...

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Britain has no sailors for our subs - emergency recruitment planned!

Funny story: Britain has no sailors for our subs - emergency recruitment planned!

The United Kingdom armed forces have been decimated by recent cuts with unforeseen consequences. An average nuclear-powered hunter-killer sub requires a crew of 76 and a Trident sub needs a crew of 142 men and women. The above numbers do not in...

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Euro Panic To Push UK Taxes Over 100%

Funny story: Euro Panic To Push UK Taxes Over 100%

Chancellor Osborne (Ozzie to his mates - more later) has announced his plan for the rescue of the British economy. "We will announce new taxation rates that will take the average British family's annual bill to approximately 112.376% of their annu...

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Drought Scare Exposed - All Bollocks

Funny story: Drought Scare Exposed - All Bollocks

Recent scare stories about the imminent arid conditions to affect Southern England may be false - according to Wiltshire plumber, Tommy Gripefuttock. "Hosepipe ban - fuck off", expostulates Tommy. Mr Gripefuttock explains thus - "The aquifers a...

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Thames Swim Abandoned - Universities Boat Race Blamed

Funny story: Thames Swim Abandoned - Universities Boat Race Blamed

In a shock development today, the 1st Inaugural Anti-Elitist Cross Thames Swim (1IA-ECTS)was interrupted catastrophically by 17 men and a woman in 2 boats in an elite rowing race. The Umpire of the 1IA-ECTS, Ms Drephna Doughnu-Tgobbler has comment...

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Jackson's Nose found near Jackson's Hole

Funny story: Jackson's Nose found near Jackson's Hole

In a shock revelation, Dr Conrad (The Competent) Muller, Michael Jackson's trusted personal physician, has disclosed the whereabouts of Michael's olfactory organ. Most observers and commentators believed that Jackson's nose had substantially disap...

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Murrray Makes It

Funny story: Murrray Makes It

In a cliffhanging 3-Setter, Andie Murrray has made it to the last 16 of the annual Dog-Shagging Championship (grass surface), (Southern England Section). Not to be confused with the other well-known Southern English sport of dogging, the dog-shagg...

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Jackson Death Anniversary

Funny story: Jackson Death Anniversary

The principal executor of the Michael Jackson estate has announced that the anniversary of the troubled singer's death is to be repeated in perpetuity. "I firmly believe" says Uri Geller, spokesman for Jackson's spirit entity, "that Michael would...

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Wimbledon Cancelled

Funny story: Wimbledon Cancelled

In an unprecedented move, Buckingham Palace has decreed that the All-England Tennis Championship - Wimbledon - is to be cancelled. Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth was to have attended the championship for the first time is 138 years - but the news br...

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Charlotte Church Wooed By Woods

Funny story: Charlotte Church Wooed By Woods

In a shock revelation, "Voice of an Angel", Charlotte Church has published a letter to her written (it is alleged) by Tiger Woods. "Dear Charlotte" it begins in sickeningly familiar terms, " I write to you as one who recently has gone through a re...

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Security Guards Sought

Funny story: Security Guards Sought

A former Prime Minister of Great Britain is seeking a few brave men (and women - but men, really) to take care of his safety while he earns many millions of pounds sterling as a lecturer and motivational speaker. Mr Bliar - for it is he - needs protection. The attack can come from anywhere and at any moment. 14 security personnel are required to be present at every meeting between Mr Blia...

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Tiger Woods And Lord Mangelson To Marry

Funny story: Tiger Woods And Lord Mangelson To Marry

In a shock revelation, Lord Peter Mangelson UK Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) has announced that he is to enter into a Civil Partnership with the well-known American golfer, Tiger Woods. At a press conference one hour...

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Surrealism Finished - Reality Takes Over

Funny story: Surrealism Finished - Reality Takes Over

Even Spoof writers cannot conceive of today's reality. British King-In-Waiting Peter, Lord Mangleson (who is presently solving the world's global warming crisis) has declared that, if all males marry other males, the worldwide bee shortage will qu...

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America Legalises Presidential Euthanasia

Funny story: America Legalises Presidential Euthanasia

In a surprising development, the Southern States of the United States of America (USA) have decided that the President and the First Family may receive euthanasia at public expense! For President Barracks Obama's popularity is on the decline. M...

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Climate Change Protestors Succeed - No More Electricity

In a staggering turnaround, Lord Peter Mangelson (Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) has announced that, from next Tuesday, all generation of electricity is banned. "I was at Ratcliffe - on - Soar earlier today and I saw t...

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