Retired librarian Hester Anne Pickles recently shocked the community of Saylorville by announcing that she had married 70-year-old, retired High School custodian, Lyle Smith! "I decided to lift my skirts and dance a bit for a change. I'm 61 and I'...
A waiter at the QuickStop restaurant on the M1 motorway has been dismissed for being too slow - after only two weeks on duty. Senior managers had observed Bernard Rushnott "hanging about in the kitchen area". Mr. Rushnott claimed he was "waitin...
The UK's fastest selling phone since the iPhone has been widely accepted as being superior in every respect to even the coveted iPhone 4, with Siri turned off. However, adopters of the phone have noticed that there is one thing it doesn't do, that ev...
Manchester is to trial a new system for making waiting for buses more comfortable and pleasant for commuters by installing sofa style seating at bus stops throughout Greater Manchester. "It think it's a brilliant idea," said one local commuter fro...
Furious shoppers in Boca Raton Florida have demanded an explanation as to why they had to wait four minutes in line at a local "up market" grocery store - some even describing the experience as "horrific". The Fresh Market grocery store pride...
Local Man and One Time Failed Evangelist, Seaton Carew (42), today revealed that he is the recent recipient of the good news that he has been waiting so long for. Unfortunately, the wannabe wastrel had to wait no time at all for a bout of bad news...
Local Man and One Time Busy Person, Seaton Carew, is once again waiting. Having spent the majority of the year carrying out very little waiting due to having stuff to do, the wannabe failed entrepreneur has suddenly found himself in the unenviable...
Finally, after what seems like Eons and Eons, the wait for local man Seaton Carew is finally over. It all started in April 2010 when the ex-thespian mistakenly consumed around 600 units of Polish alcohol and found himself arguing with his own shadow. After losing the arguement, the foolish wannabe entrepreneur decided to teach himself a lesson and dialled 999. Seconds later the local street,...
Local Man, and one-time entrepreneur, Seaton Carew today announced he was looking forward to waiting for his new business venture to explode into the public eye now that his seven month wait for his charity work is coming to an end. The charity work, which involved playing dominoes and bingo with old people, finishes on Wednesday and whilst it was sometime rewarding Carew, 41, was not immune to...
The weather in Britain is the hardest weather in the world to predict. It requires three supercomputers working round the clock, a network of satellites looking at the entire world, a dedicated meteorological team of scientists, a wealth of experienc...
Having missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime in waiting, a trip to Chile to participate in the monumental wait for the miners to find their way back to the surface, one time local man, Seaton Carew, has decided to embark on a new waiting adventure of his own. "I was a tad peeved when that cad Skoob suggested that I could wait for the miners as the bounder didn't suggest it until after the...
The waiting is finally over for local man Seaton Carew. The man, who had been waiting for four months to have his fate decided for him, was finally given that fate at approximately half past eleven on Friday 30th July when the three sitting magistrates found him guilty and passed sentence. The guilty verdict came as no surprise to the patient local man, as this was his plea, however the sent...
Friday 30th July 2010. Today's the day. Today is the day that the waiting should be over. For Seaton Carew, today should be the day when he stops waiting and finally finds out his fate. This morning, however, it is business as usual for the hapless hasbeen as he waits for the decision that decides his fate and puts an end to the wait that has now lasted for over three months. Whethe...
They came again, not the woman from last time but a man this time. Last time they came he was not alone but this time Seaton Carew had no one with him. No one to answer the door, no one to lie for him. This time there was nobody. So he waited. Waited for them to go. Waited, hiding behind the door, hoping they wouldn't spot him. They even went to the back door, the wide open back door. F...
The wait was supposed to be over for local waiting man Seaton Carew last Friday when he had to wait a short wait hoping to be told his fate. The fate for which he had to wait for so long. But instead he spent the morning waiting. He woke before the alarm and then waited for the alarm to sound. As always, he pressed the snooze button and waited again for the alarm. Once it had buzzed for a...
With only one more night to endure before his fate may or may not be decided, Seaton Carew nervously led in his bed attempting sleep. It may be tomorrow, it may be in three weeks, but the answer must surely come soon. There was a close shave two days ago when there was a knock at the door and Carew, 41 at the end of the month, was forced to flee and hide behind his kitchen cupboards but he m...
With less than a week to go, four and a bit days to be slightly more accurate, the wait may soon be over for local man Seaton Carew. With the day of reckoning due to take place this coming Friday, Carew should have to wait no longer to learn his fate, but since his change of mind recently things have been slightly clouded. The two who saw at the time of the event no longer have to wait to a...
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