Harry Berry from Muskogee Wisconsin saw Jesus on a piece of toast. Being a god-fearing Catholic, he ate his god. And then puked. Harry then switched to Buddhism because “The Buddists don’t make you eat shit, do they? I ate that toast and it tasted…
(NOT EDITED) A life-saving bi-product of the vaccination effort has been discovered by scientists who had no idea how important it is, eating toast! Global scientists involved in diverse vaccination projects have two common denominators, no sex, a…
A power blackout at a most inconvenient time this morning, put paid to one man's regular breakfast arrangement, and forced him to make urgent changes to his routine. Electricity to properties in the Tapon area of Battambang was cut at around 6:00a...
An Englishman living in the Cambodian city of Battambang has told how he had to go without toast for his breakfast this morning after he ran out of bread, and forgot to buy some more from the supermarket. Moys Kenwood, 54, originally from Hull in...
Bentlyville (AP)- Who says Bentleyville isn't a tourist destination? The population of the small town has swelled dramatically since news of a local barkeep's bizarre discovery swept through the sleepy community, and far beyond. "I was just staring a...
Theresa May has ordered all Christmas and New Year immigrants to attend wassailing lessons so they can "fit in" with the newly discovered post Thatcher communities. According to the Oxford English Dictionary "waes hael" is the Middle English (and...
Lord Sugar has unveiled Amstrad's latest flagship smartphone, The Schmoozer, at a launch party in London. The phone's innovative features include: . Integral bottle opener . State of the art 2-way CB radio . Bobble remover . Make-up or shavi...
A row has broken out among the dreaming spires after a student's election campaign was found to have brought the Oxford Union into disrepute. Madeline Grant, a former model who is studying English Literature and languages at St Hilda's, was standi...
Worshippers at Dorking Unitarian Baptist Seventh Day Mormons church on West Street were astounded last week to discover toast on the face of Jesus in their church. "We went in for our two o'clock tea and biscuits," said Edgar Whistleblower, also o...
Owner of Hamstrad electronics and all round business genius, Lord Alan Sweetener, yesterday denied that his latest product was of inferior quality. Around 300 customers have complained about the 'Toast-a-Matic 900'. According to one customer, P...
Following the successful business models set forth by Jelly Belly candies and the Ben & Jerry Ice Cream company, Smuckster's also hopes to cash in with its own blends of strange jam and jelly flavors. Ice cream flavors with names like Moose Tr...
The much anticipated iToast4 has been delayed due to a legal wrangle with the Dyson Cyclonic Toaster. The iToast4 was meant to be the smartest, most useful, stylish toaster ever to make bread darker. "It should have been the best thing since sl...
It isn't often scientists come out with a statement that astounds the World but today in Luxembourg at the 'Annual Astounding Things We Have In Life Awards' it was acknowledged that sliced bread is the best invention since unsliced. Food specialis...
A Champaign, Illinois woman today sold, at auction, a piece of toast that held the image of Jesus Christ disguised as Osama Bin Laden for ten million dollars. The buyer, a man name Jack B. Sucker, who is a Congressional Aide to an unnamed Senato...
Laptops are one of the most popular toys that science and technology has invented behind mobile phones, Ipods, IPhones, MP3's and vibrators? The latest generation of laptops has been re-designed and the integration of a superb, ingenious piece of...
Tony Blair burned several rounds of toast and turned a rack black. The entire rack of toast was so burnt and smoking like the remains of an invaded country like Iraq after it was illegally invaded. Fire-fighters turned up at the Blairs mansion aft...
The British Parliament, reeling under the MP expenses scandal has decided to hit back at an ungrateful public electorate by banning toast, particularly toasted sandwiches, or 'toasties' as they are known. One MP, Helmut Dagger (CON) told us: "P...
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