UPDATE PRINT THROUGH Al Gore was found with his lips frozen to Obama’s anatomy late last night on a golf course in the Midwest, police report. The pair is expected to recover as soon as Global Warming hits. In the meantime they are headed to warm...
Here in beautiful Caribbean Sea waters south of Cuba, black waves and porpoises, a fine sunny afternoon with Venezuela somewhere ahead, I'm leaning back in the pristine white salon of The Fulminator, a private 60 foot cruiser owned by CEO Meredith Merryfeather. Meredith (aka M 'n M) is offering me rum and coke and sitting across from me, doesn't mind my laptop on which I'm taking notes, and oft...
There seems to be a direct link with the rate of abortions and the rate of homosexuality as explained by the ever controversial Dr. Kerksy. "Everything in this universe is a chemical reaction. We humans are just chemical reactions and we add to o...
Berlin - A secret lab here has leaked through our source, technician Splay Hindus, that a contagious microbe has been developed that renders men sterile in two days time, irreversibly. The microbe, according to Hindus, produces a gene modificatio...
NEW YORK - Our mole on the UN Special Population Taxation Administration has just reported that sugar and starch are going to be slapped with a huge carbon tax. Such items will be affordable only by the wealthy, or as special treats by the middle cl...
NEW YORK, NY - The cola wars have gotten ugly lately. Cola companies are competing to create the best flesh dissolving formulations. It all started with the mouse. The UN, as in United Nations, is taking notice, according to our source. A qui...
DETROIT, MI - Soon you won't have to drink juice to get your Agent Orange because it will be in corn. And corn is in almost all the food you buy, most commonly as a syrup. Dr. Umbday Eadhay, family doctor in the rust belt, our source, is going to...
Ocean City, N.J. Scientists tested a new vaccine: protecting mice from the Ebola virus, according to an obscure journal entry brought to our attention by local policeman, Constable Finass, who is investigating the possible related disappearance of hu...
(Rooters) - Choka-Chinka Co protested Tuesday the healthfulness of its ham drinks proffered in northern China, decrying the link to the death of six hundred million Chinese people who had consumed the drinks. Choka-Chinka executives even went so far...
The Global Institute for the Management of Population (GIMP) have announced that the world's population has now reached 7 billion vermin (also known as humans). GIMP held a press conference today, wearing masks, and announced various ideas for reduci...
As the world waits to see who will be the seven billionth human on the planet, a county in Ireland is feeling the effects of the population boom. Westmeath, in Leinster, faces the Malthusian nightmare of its population hitting the 100,000 mark by...
According to the world census, the seven billionth person will be born on October thirty-first. The hunt is on for this yet-to-be-baby. "We're hoping it won't be in some remote Amazonian village," said World Census co-ordinator, Jean Heyus. "We've...
Denver Colorado - UPDATE 1 Google has announced that it is ready to test its cars on the new intersections, but wishes to do so without humans on board. Government spokesman Mr. Phil Resastum of NAAATT (National American Automotive Association...
The Government has taken a decisive step in combating the increasing population caused by people living too long. It is not the Government's fault if old people freeze to death next winter due to a cut in the heating allowance. It is clearly the f...
Rabbi David Cohenron, leader of the Jewish Council of Great Britain, has outlined plans to bring an end to the recession and put the United Kingdom back on the world map. Speaking outside the council chambers, Rabbi Cohenron stated; "Oye vot a...
The Wight Hotels and Tourism board (WHAT), are hoping that their latest initiative will help them get into the record books and prove a long standing urban myth. The urban myth in question is that the whole of the world's population could fit onto...
Statisticians have discovered a serious error in recent population projections, which were released by the Office for National Statistics. Instead of the UK's population increasing to 92 million over the next 100 years, civil servants have found that...
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