Washington DC, USA - Donald Trump was initiated into the British Hellfire Club according to Chapter 666 of the Mueller Report. De-redacted federal papers describe events circa 1963 when the ageing Queen Mother acted as a ceremonial douche - uh, su...
London - A seedy trifecta of Hellfire Club bastards is back in charge of the British Government tonight. Three former Bullingdon boys - David Cameron, George Osborne and Boris Johnson - are pissing themselves stupid at pulling off a majority in wh...
Gnomes of Zurich, Shitzerland - The CEO of fucked-up Hellfire Bank Zurich has groveled in pubic about grassing up dodgy clients' secret bank accounts. Lord Hellfire of Mammon issued a heartfelt - ok, ok, a wallet-felt! - apology to 100,000 Z-Liste...
Switzerland - Hellfire Bank's Gnomes of Zurich subsidiary hid billions of $$$ for drug lords, arms dealers and Z-Lister royals according to a new report. Celeb non-entities laundered their coke-dealing squillions via the Swiss bank's private arm i...
New York - Five billion dollars of the Pope's private funds are about to go up in smoke after his Manhattan-based hedge fund, the Hellfire Bank, lost its Argentinian banking licence. Along with His Holiness's five billion bucks. Hellfire has b...
Balmoral, Scotland - Successful milking of public credulity with that Diamond Jubilee malarkey now sees HM hog the limelight in a personal stab at The Great Escape. Monday's launch under a brilliant 17-degrees Virgo Sun/Mercury conjunction trigger...
London - In a spooky echo reminiscent of 'He's not the Messiah, he's just a very naughty little boy' a direct descendant of Knights Templar Grand Master Jacques de Molay has hit out over daft 'sacred initiation' claims by accused Norwegian mass murde...
London - The House of Windsor's top bigamist has been honored for keeping her gob shut these last seven years with a spurious gong whose Order was mothballed back in 1971. Camilla Fucker-Proles is to become the Hellfire Club's Dame Grand Double-Cr...
Cardiff - Welsh Nationalist seers have laughed off suggestions that Queen Elizabeth will actually ever open the London 2012 Games. Their St David's Eve seance at Caernarfon Castle saw some spooky funereal hexoplasm materialise to answer queries ab...
Cornwall - Notorious satanic members of the UK's premier demonic closed shop are being investigated about the wanton mutilation of a Freisian two year-old called Erik. The stallion was found in dead in a Stithians field in what police suspect may...
London - Did the Illuminati's West End fun spot finance hotels and flights used by the buffoonish twerp on his Foxy foreign jollies? Reports this evening say the Club's credit card statements show uninhibited plastic bashing by the VIP cardholder...
London - The Governor of the Bank of England has rubbished Palace predictions about the Queen's imminent death. Top Hellfire Club number cruncher Mervyn King blamed the ubiquitous QE2 nickname in a City speech at crunchtime - er...lunchtime! - tod...
Henley - (Unholy Mess): Police searching for the remains of a 'Mexican-ish' Polish youth at the core of bodysnatch charges may bring in high tech equipment to excavate the grounds of a former school. Witold Orlowski's corpse was dug up and alleged...
London - (Foren (sic) News): Anonymous DNA samples found in the 7th Earl of Lucan's Chelsea home have surfaced in the Masai Mara game reserve. The Kenyan safari site saw Suffolk hotelier's daughter Julie Ward killed in 1988 in what still remains a...
Stornoway - (Auf Wiedersehen, Pest! News): Astrologers were predicting a karmic typhoon in Western Scottish waters next week as the Queen boarded the MV Hellfire Hebridean Princess this afternoon. Dozens of the Ratzinger coven are accompanying th...
London - (Carlton Club): Hellfire Club grandees have moved to quash rumors they ordered UK puppet Prime Monster Gorgon Brown to unleash his National Bullying Helpline heavies on Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling. The shadowy satanic org...
London - (Illuminati Mess): It's billed as astrology's Clash of the Titans as the stars align for Friday's apocalyptic Mars-opposition-Sun setting at the Chilcot Inquiry. With the fiery Roman god of war at 10 degrees Leo - celestial sign of majest...
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