You couldn't write it yourself - first, there was Nigerian national Rhoda Sulaimon, and now it seems that Ms. Blears has gone several further, running an entire team of "illegals" to man (person) her re-election campaign in Salford. Ms Sulaimon ha...
Diminutive former cabinet minister and MP for Salford, Hazel Blears, got slightly more than she bargained for when she went out and about in Salford, Greater Manchester, to woo the voters. Showing the electorate that she was 'one of the people' pl...
Following British political parties' and Parliamentary committees' successful and ruthless investigation and punishment of many of their MPs for defrauding taxpayers, and for lying and cheating and stealing, it was announced today that Parliament wou...
Hazel Blears survived a vote of no-confidence last night, and will remain as MP for Salford. Initially, the people of Salford were upset at Blears, who has repaid the thirteen thousand pounds she fiddled out of the expenses system in Whitehall. Ho...
News has just reached us that Fergie, the author of the books about Budgie the Helicopter is to have her wax-work melted to form Hazel Blears. The popular former wife of Prince 'Randy Andy' Andrew has not been in the news lately, so it was felt th...
[opening music] Kermit the Frog: Good evening, ladies and gentleman, and on tonight's Westminster Muppet Show we have a host of stars, with all sorts of iffy haircuts, we have so many stars that - Heckler1: Get on with it! Kermit: Yes, but - Heckler2: I don't pay my taxes for this second-rate stuff! Heckler1: You don't pay your taxes! [laughter] Kermit: OK, let's move on, then. P...
'Very mysterious thing happened to me on the way home today', Dr Watson said to Sherlock Holmes, lighting his pipe with a flame-thrower, 'I saw that harlot at the end of the street again today.' 'Really?' 'Yes, but the odd thing was that she wasn't begging for money, or - ahem - anything else, but wanted to give me her money! What can it mean, Holmes?' 'I think I know of the tiny, little, rag-h...
Pint-size Communities Lunatic Hazel Blears, whose shock resignation from the Cabinet today has thrown the Government into even further disarray, has revealed her reasons for quitting. Speaking at a Press Conference, Blears announced that she took...
Disgraced Salford MP Hazel Blears was attacked by outraged constituents in Salford yesterday while attending local elections in her constituency. Rowan Tree of the city of Salford used the last of his giro cheque to buy a four fingered Kitkat wit...
As Hazel gazed deeply into the print of the forms, lying bedraggled on her kitchen table, she wondered where everything had gone wrong. Once she had loved the forms, her eyes had moistened at their every visit to her hand, her pen had been so pleased to see the snortlingly proud expenses forms, ready to be filled with lots of her ink. But now, no more. Taking a bite out of a passing cooking oni...
A transcript of a lie detector machine test on Secretary of Something or Other Hazel Blears MP was today leaked to the Daily Torygraph, and this is the transcript of the test: MI5 Officer: Are you Hazel Blears MP? Hazel Blears: Although mistakes were made with my name, at no time did my parents break any rules by calling me that, to wit, name Officer: Please just answer 'yes' or 'no' Off...
07:00 - Get up, and have grilled ptarmigan and coleslaw served on silver dishes, with a half-bottle of Dom Perignon champagne 08:00 - Get servant to wash and dry the dishes 09:00 - Wander out into the garden, pleased to see that lots of money is growing on the trees there 10:00 - Play a game of crocquet with John Prescott, another servant holds his mallett for him 11:00 - Husband appea...
London - (Ass mess): The Westminster building which collapsed yesterday and which had housed Labour Party Chairwoman Hazel Blears's campaign office for her Deputy Prime Ministerial ambitions may be a blessing in disguise according to Whitehall so...
Westminster, SW1 - (Ass Mess): As a potential Act of God insurers are heaving a sigh of relief that they won't have to fork out on a collapsed building in Westminster's Dean Farrar Street which houses Tony Blair's right-hand woman cheerle...
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