West Bum Vs. Chelsea Chelsea's new £21 million signing Pedro helped the Poos to their first win of the Face Sitting League this season. Two goals from West Bum's James Morrison wasn't enough for the Baggie Pants, and despite captain John Terry'...
Jennifer Lawrence, one of the most beautiful women today, has had three falls lately, none of them serious, but she blames it all on "Those stupid scientists and astronomers." "I've had a great career and I'm just getting started when I began trip...
Botox has been used for decades to reduce the signs of aging but only recently have neurophysiologists discovered that the health risks include a 100% chance of dying prematurely with a "poker face." The botulinum toxin A is the most powerful neurot...
A new improved Little Kim has been launched onto the celebrity circuit. The diminutive, pint sized beauty has been, new and 'improved'. Startled pundits noted that there was a distinct Asian, robotic look to her shiny new face. She is barely r...
Florida - Hot on the heels of apparent vampires eating peoples brains, a computer virus dubbed "Defacelika" is eating faces on Facebook. When the virus strikes, according to computer scientist Dr. Bunsard Unsticky, working to defeat the virus, i...
In a drastic plan to evade prosecution for fraud, Pierre Bagsoffit, Chief of Swiss Central Bank, thought he'd try a bit of face grilling. Bagsoffit had amassed nearly 5 billion euros by distorting accounts and sometimes adding too many noughts. Wh...
With the increasing use of Facial Recognition to access computers, there is a move towards making them more secure. "Currently," said chief software developer at Facial Recognition Organisation Group, Freddie Kermit, "these systems are quite secur...
Libyan ruler Col Muammar Gaddafi has been battling to control the country's west as protesters consolidate eastern towns and foreigners continue to flee, however much less has been reported about the leader's battle to control his face. Ever since...
Heurelho Gomes is to become the new face of UK leading brand Marmite. The Marmite famous catchphrase, 'you either love it or hate it', is said to sum up the Tottenham goalkeeper and will be the perfect new addition to the company. John Cartwrig...
Builder and local Surrey resident Tommy Clutterbuck sensationally lost his face yesterday afternoon, around 5:30pm. The budding brickie sneezed after inhaling a small amount of loosened brick dust, when his face slid off. The manky gloop that was...
The battle for UA-FS-A Champions League places continues to hot up at the Face Sitting League summit after Liverpool and ARSE-ON Villa both won but Tottenham had to settle for a single seat, while at the 'opposite end' of the table the basement dwell...
Images of a rather deformed looking Bill Bailey after some nips and tucks have leaked all over the internet. The comedian has undergone some plastic surgery, and has tried to hide himself from the public eye until his face has properly healed befo...
The recipient of the world's first male face transplant has launched an unprecedented attack on the previous owner of his face. James Maki, 59, who underwent the operation after suffering severe facial damage in a subway accident, launched into hi...
She's renowned for wearing the most outrageous costumes in the business, but nobody ever really knew why. Until I had the bottle to reveal the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. She's got a face like a slapped arse! Lady Gaga, c...
In a stunning turn of events, a young man from the University of Flonders in Nigeria swallowed his own face after an attempt to swallow his nose. "Mmff bgg hll bffg hnnf," commented Shinead "Skinhead" O'Doodle, the 20 year old who was credited wi...
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