“It’s not often we manage to capture the public's attention the way we did with COVID-19,” said Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Robert Redfield, M.D. “We want to capitalize on that momentum with a follow-up that really does justic...
Feeling parched and a little feverish, Justin Lancet of Nashville, Tennessee, successfully treated his suspected case of coronavirus with a chilled beverage accompanied by a wedge of lime. “It really took the edge off,” said Lancet, who takes conc...
Local elementary school teachers noticed that several students were covered with spots. Debbie Westmoreland of Springfield Elementary said, "All I know was that at least four of my girls were covered with spots." The students were sent to the inf...
You're driving down the road and suddenly you find yourself behind a vehicle covered completely in bumper stickers. What do you do? This is exactly the question local officials are asking in the latest crackdown for road safety.
Washington - A new study by the Centers for Disease Control has found that the common "get well" card is the leading carrier of the deadly Ebola virus. The government health agency has issued emergency usage guidelines in response. "Your typical g...
Outraged medics have slammed Government claims to be screening new arrivals to the United Kingdom for Ebola Virus with seemingly pointless questionnaires about their grooming habits. The controversial form is being issued by Customs and Excise staff...
Stunned PM David Cameron has denied prior knowledge that side kick George Osborne is a long term victim of Night of the Living Dead Syndrome In an emotional press conference held this afternoon, the PM rushed to calm fears that the zombie Chancellor...
Pressure on the Oxford English Dictionary Editors and Wikipedia to describe "epidemic" as an isolated single case is mounting. Tabloids and online news agencies have long been complaining that the E word increases newspaper sales and Web hits and...
People all over the country are exercising caution before selecting a destination for an evenings dinner after a man's heart attack at The Heart Attack Grill starts a pandemic of restaurants living up to their names. Reports from all over the countr...
The boredom epidemic that has been sweeping South Wales has reached Cumbria. "Obviously, the epidemic has made significant progress in a very short time," said Doctor Fantastico, who has been tasked with finding the cause of the epidemic and stopp...
Experts predict that by the year 2099, eighty percent of the UK's population will suffer from agoraphobia. By then most shopping will be done on line and with unemployment forecast at 90 percent, people will have no reason to leave the house, resu...
The vomiting, diarrhoea and (in rare cases) death epidemic that spread rapidly across Germany has been seen in countries as far away as Austria and France, with unconfirmed reports coming out of Belgium and Holland. Scientists are still baffled as...
COVENTRY, W. MIDS., ENG. - A local secondary school has caused the entire Coventry city area to be put on lockdown after a new mutation has caused a harmless bacteria to morph into a pathogen. The pathogen classified as X/11-G, after the room (X)...
The World Health Organization (WHO)has issued warnings to every major country's health departments regarding the spread of the deadly Asian gerbil flu. Two cases of the flu have already been confirmed, one just outside of Phuket, Thailand and one jus...
With millions of people in the UK falling ill with flu or stomach bugs, a Birmingham corner shopkeeper whose grandfather came from Pakistan has been arrested and charged with releasing germs into the atmosphere in the name of Allah. Zaffar Ali Kha...
Public health authorities around the world are warning the public not to use 'hand sanitizer' lotions which advertise protection from illness. 'It's bad enough that hand sanitizers offer people a false sense of security', said Bertram Beecham of t...
Washington, DC - Epidemiologists working for the CDC have predicted that over 9 billion people will be infected this year alone by the H1N1 virus. Using computer models and sophisticated prediction methods, researchers have concluded that the number...
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