Louisville, Kentucky - An enormous pair of alien bazookas has appeared on the mile-long oval track straddling Louisville racecourse. And it appears to be lactating Martian Milkshake judging by the nipple secretions spouting close to the five furlo...
Cerne Abbas, Dorset - A crop circle has been blamed for emasculating the huge erect penis of a 180ft ancient Neolithic colossus known as the Cerne Abbas Dick. Uh, Giant. Carved into a Dorset chalk hillock over 10,000 years ago the club-wielding f...
INDIANOLA, Iowa - Local authorities have reported that overnight a crop circle appeared in Iowa corn farmer Dilbert Nutwood's corn field. The highly elaborate figure covered an entire acre and resembled Miley Cyrus in the act of twerking. Farme...
Chualar, California - It's looking increasingly likely that someone, probably ET, forgot to call their Mom and Pop over the Yuletide holidays after a huge SIM card-themed crop circle appeared at a Chualar Canyon Road farm field in the Salinas Valley...
Scotland - An Independence Day crop circle of Lady Liberty has popped up overnight on Holyrood Palace lawns where the Queen is holed up during her annual Scottish Week stay. Flunkies nearly busted a gut raking over the 250ft turf etching that's sp...
London - "These snooping claims are utterly baseless," the UK's top Spookmaster General said today as news of the field etching's materialization broke. "We don't need to outsource snooping on British Tea Party taxpayers to some sort of hush-hush,...
Louisville, KY - One of the year's first extraterrestrial field etchings has appeared overnight at the world famous racetrack's saddling enclosure ahead of Saturday's 139th renewal of the Kentucky Derby. Groundsmen said this morning they'd noticed...
Essex - Primordial feline navigation techniques that harness the power of ancient lay lions - er...ley lines! - may be behind the latest St Osyth big cat sighting. Lunchtime TV news reports said the marauding beast had been spotted in an Essex cr...
Wiltshire - Olympic copyright protection authority jobsworths swooped on an Alton Barnes wheat field this morning amid reports of blatant cashing in on the Games logo. An alien crop circle depicting the Olympic Rings had sprung up overnight 'in co...
Stanton St Bernard, Wiltshire - Five teardrop pendants 'dangling like chandelier crystals' from a pentagonally-spired design are a classic Scientology temple symbol an expert said today. "They represent Katie Holmes' tears during her five year mar...
Wilts - Straddling the wheat near an ancient White Horse chalk carving its 350ft 'contrail' of circular disks snakes the local Delta Quadrant that is Alton Barnes rapeseed fields. This morning's materialization of the Intrepid-class starship is th...
London - Ufologists fighting for a share of the lucrative Gemini Solar Eclipse prediction market centered on Sunday night's occultation are having none of it, of course. They're siding with Mexican cereologist Jamie Maussan's claims that the 2004...
Chipping Norton - The symbol of Yale University's darkest arts and crafts society has reared its shadowy face outside Rebekah Brooks' Oxfordshire mansion. The cultish secret club has served as foreign conflict tool for President George Bush Senior...
London - The flame haired media hasbeen and her husband Charlie are to become parents in February after hiring a surrogate to gestate the sprog. Reports today said the embryo had been implanted in a secret fertility facility close to the Wiltshire...
London - An explosion of scare-in-the-community numbers is being blamed on alien-tampered wheat that's infiltrated the national food chain. "You've only got to look at some Wiltshire residents' faces to see those Darwinian throwback genes surfac...
Wiltshire - "It was like a Guatemalan sink hole had suddenly gorged itself on our lovely 1966 Airstream Overlander International," distraught US sightseer Joyce Hooley told reporters today. "One minute it was right there where we'd parked it and t...
Wiltshire - As the crumbling Murdoch Empire teeters on collapse a 200ft barley field etching opposite Stonehenge warns of more disaster on Friday's full moon. The magnificent Capricorn lunation appears on the latest crop circle, thought by many t...
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