Gareth Bale has told his team-mates he doesn't care about manager Zinedine Zidane's treatment of him and intends to see out the remainder of his contract at Real Madrid. Bale says he will be happy to stay and 'play golf' if not selected to play as he...
Hibernian defender Ryan Porteous has denied that head coach Neil Lennon has lost the dressing-room after a run of seven games without a win. Said Porteous "I can categorically confirm that it was still there after morning training". Arsenal player...
West Ham is thinking of signing 31-year-old former Arsenal and Manchester City midfielder Samir Nasri. The French international is a free agent after serving an 18-month drugs ban. A club officlal defended the idea, saying "the London Taxpayers' Stad...
According to a think tank of "investment consultants" (read: probable wankers) a large group of Saudi Arabian investors are looking to invest in a number of "top London" football clubs. A statement which immediately ruled Tottenham Hotspur out of the...
Troubled London Stadium, Stratford, LONDON: With an expert in Stadium building announcing that the athletics stadium should be demolished and rebuilt properly as a football stadium, the Duchess of Knightsbridge has made an enormous gesture. "Let...
THE ANTS NEST, Stratford, LONDON: In developments that have even taken the footballing world by surprise, Ms Karen Brady, known by her world wide name as the Duchess of Knightsbridge, has revealed a new rebranding development! "Stratfords' Olympi...
THE Athletics Stadium, Stratford, LONDON: Following the manhandling ejection of the Duchess of Knightsbridge from the London Stadium, whilst the 'Duchess' was standing up singing the West Ham National anthem and being labelled a 'trouble-maker', ser...
Big Sam Allardyce has made a glorious gesture and decided that West Ham need him more than England. Th Hammers, now in the relegation zone of the Premier league have been named Harry Gold's Pieces of Eight due to the number of players West Ham se...
The final matches of the season for the Premier League this weekend have been seen by several mystics and they have been contacting Spoof Football reporter John Westam. They forsee an astonishing end to the season with West Ham ending the season i...
A desperate Slaven Bilic, West Ham's brilliant Manager who has placed the Hammers near the top of the Premier League, has recently found the ghost of Big Sam Allardyce haunting his team. Bilic is certain that Sam, now ploughing hard at his new clu...
Troubled Fifa President, Sepp Blatter, is to become West Ham's new manager next season, replacing Sam Allardyce. This astonishing news has rocked the West Ham faithful who fear the inspiration of Allardyce's 0-0 draws and losing in the last minut...
West Ham's greatest fan Johnnie Wubble is officially off the danger list. He was in hospital with a chronic heart attack after the Hammers beat Manchester City earlier in the season and were fourth in the Premier League for thirty minutes. A ho...
Allardyce has been warned before - the displays recently of the Irons have been endangering the health of the team's fan base. Proof of this was when I was rushed to Hospital minutes before the game against Manchester City. It was not until I had...
As a Hammers fan of many years - back to the greats of Booby Moore, Trevor Brooking among many others I am indeed shocked by the display against Liverpool on Saturday. Where was the boredom? I felt lost without it, like taking my clothes away. Are...
Football pundits are sharpening their pens ready for a take over from the Disasters that have been getting us down over the past month or so. Joe Weed, out Football mad reporter can't wait. He's been digging around transfer stories all summer and...
An amazing last minute deal has been fixed between Manchester United's owners and West Ham. In the deal Sam Allardyce will take over as Manager of the Manchester club and David Moyes will manage West Ham. A joint announcement from the two Premier...
Bad news if you do not have a dishwasher and like eating your food using clean cutlery and sparkling plates. West Ham fans, including Ray Winstone, Danny Dyer and some movie person who once saw them on the TV have exhausted the UK's supply of fairy l...
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