PILGRIM MUSKET, Massachusetts – (Satire News) – One of the most unusual clubs anywhere in the nation is the East Coast Polar Bear Club. These folks will put on their summer swimsuits and bikinis in the middle of winter and then proceed to jump int…
LAS VEGAS – (Entertainment Satire) – Close friends of songstress Celine Dion are extremely worried about her, as she has dipped down to a skinny-as-hell 81 pounds. A member of her Las Vegas band, who begged not to have his name released, said that…
PALM BEACH, Florida – (Satire News) – Trump’s personal doctor informed him that he needed to lose 75 pounds. Well the Trumptard must have not heard Dr. Yang Fu Fi, or else he simply chose to ignore him, because the orange bozo GAINED 75 pounds, an…
The current drive to reduce obesity took a strange turn today. Mike Okesflat, Health Minister, told us that, rather than get people to eat less and exercise more, they would simply redefine the meaning of 'vegetable'. "We all know that you hav…
In yet another of our hard hitting yet softly satisfying interviews we asked international comedic superstar, Johnny Vegas, for the secrets behind his dramatic weight loss. Johnny, who has lost “loads of weight” in the last year, clearly wasn’t th...
If you're a blue-jeans-wearing kind of gal (or guy), then you're aware of the fashion revolution that is stretch denim – but what you may not know is that the research and development of stretch denim was funded by Big Food (namely, Nestle, McDonald'...
After years of yo-yo dieting and struggling with her weight, 28-year-old Kendra Burke of Charleston, South Carolina, says that she's found success with intermittent fasting between meals. Intermittent fasting, currently one of the world's most pop...
The Michelin Man has always been synonymous with tires. He's also been mutual for being dramatically over-weight in a culture that worships 'the body beautiful'. But on Tuesday, the Michelin Man, during a press conference to announce Michelin's...
In Raleigh, NC, Merab Morgan pulled off something astonishing by losing 37 pounds on a diet based solely on McDonald's food. She said, "I thought it's two birds with one stone - to lose weight and prove a point for the little fat people." She...
Washington, D.C. - Excess calorie intake is the primary contributor to the obesity epidemic plaguing most developed nations, but eating a minimum level of calories is key to life and longevity. We all know that we should eat about 2,000 calories per…
Subscribers to Comcast are likely to lose weight, the National Institute of Weight Loss found. The finding holds true for obese and non obese adults. The NIWL is recommending that doctors instruct their overweight patients to sign up with Comcast...
The Ballast diet has taken the international slimming world by storm. Below is a transcript of a recent, rare radio interview with its creator, Professor Swan Morrison, in which he discusses the scheme in unprecedented detail. ~*~*~*~*~*~ 'Hello Professor Morrison and welcome to the Breakfast Radio Show.' 'Thank you for inviting me onto your programme.' 'You've invented a revolutionar...
At the start of 2016, long-time cohorts Cold and Fever exchanged solemn New Year's resolutions to lose weight and gain weight, respectively. Cold admitted to having really packed on the pounds in recent decades. He pointed to the oft-touted home r...
Los Angeles, CA - It was an exciting day for Ernesto Lopez when he went to his doctor for a routine checkup. After being weighed by one of the nurses, the 32 year old man realized that his weight was the same number as his area code, 310. "...
A doctor in Carlisle is being taken to court by one of his patients. During a meeting with a Dr Yimenez about his upcoming stomach-stapling surgery, the patient observed that the doctor had made one or two inappropriate comments about his weight.
We tried to get close to her but there were so many cameramen present that we finally pushed ours forward to get some shots. Finally I yelled, "You look great! You look sexy!" She was all smiles and maybe that's why she gave me a few words on h...
PHOENIX, Arizona - Saying that all of her life she has been overweight beyond belief, Phoenix resident Olympia Twistboro, 37, decided to finally do something about it. She told National Focus Magazine that she hit the 500 pound mark this past Vale...
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