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Funny satire stories about Turtles

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Funny story: Squirrel Bridge Construction Funding Eliminated, Squirrels now at Greater Risk

Squirrel Bridge Construction Funding Eliminated, Squirrels now at Greater Risk

Spokane. The proposed "Squirrels at Twelve O'Clock High" overhead street bridge that would safely link squirrels from South Elm Street to North Elm Street may not be completed after all, due to a decision by the city council to eliminate all current...

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Funny story: Mitch McConnell Wants Healthcare Passed Before Winter Hibernation

Mitch McConnell Wants Healthcare Passed Before Winter Hibernation

Box Turtles in Kentucky stop eating and start getting sluggish sometime in the month of October, and that's why Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell desperately needs to pass an alternative to Obamacare by September. Mitch "The Bitch" McConnell...

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Funny story: Kent Private Detective On The Trail Of Tortoise Thief!

Kent Private Detective On The Trail Of Tortoise Thief!

Curtis Johnny Ottoman, or Otto. as he is known by his friends, is on the trail of a serial Tortoise Thief in Kent, Twelveoaks. Being one of the few reptilian detectives in the western hemisphere, Otto is world famous for his sleuthing. "Tortoises...

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Funny story: Giant leatherback sea turtles menacing hapless Bognor OAPs

Giant leatherback sea turtles menacing hapless Bognor OAPs

Sussex - Swarms of mating season Dermochelys coriacea leatherbacks were blamed today for 'hideous' attacks on British pensioners holidaying in the UK's 'Adriatic Riviera' of Bognor Regis. Invading Caribbean testudines have apparently mistaken some...

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Funny story: Letters To The Editor About Heroes Of The Empire

Letters To The Editor About Heroes Of The Empire

Dear Sir, I was fascinated to read in your magazine, about three years ago (I can't remember exactly when), about the days of the British Empire and some of the great characters of those times. But why did you not mention my ancestor William Plumstone, the man who introduced the porcelain eggcup to the Headhunters of Sarawak? Despite being warned numerous times, William had the courage to...

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Funny story: Japan Begs Americans to Stop Asking for Mutated Turtles

Japan Begs Americans to Stop Asking for Mutated Turtles

Japan - After numerous attempts to create "Real Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," Americans are now asking Japan to do it for them. Japan constantly refuses the request to make them. In one letter, Cindy Jilop, who still works at Pizza Hut at the a...

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Funny story: The Turtles Shut Down JFK Runways

The Turtles Shut Down JFK Runways

Once surfer rock group The Turtles have long suffered with the notion that they were the first true one hit wonders of the modren rock era. Whenever anyone says The Turtles the only song that they can name is that brain plaguing lyric, Happy Together...

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Funny story: Disabled Tortoise Saved from Rubbish Tip

Disabled Tortoise Saved from Rubbish Tip

A 30-year-old disabled tortoise (ingrown toenails and harelip) unwittingly sent to a landfill site with its owner's rubbish, has been found alive. Sheldrake, a greater-crested Galapagos tortoise, owned by Gladys Hawksbill of Margate in Kent, clim...

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Funny story: Turtles are excellent indicators of the effects of financial climate change

Turtles are excellent indicators of the effects of financial climate change

The fact that marine turtles are emerging healthy and buying stock is an excellent indicator of how the effects of the credit and subprime mortgage crises might ultimately effect people, especially those living in the coastline tourist and travel des...

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Funny story: Pacific Turtle Tracked 13,000 Miles

Pacific Turtle Tracked 13,000 Miles

Scientists from the US National Marine Fisheries Service report that a leatherback turtle which they equipped with a tracking device migrated from Indonesia to Oregon to Hawaii, total of 13,000 miles. The amazing migration took about 2 years.

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Funny story: Giant Tortoise found washed up on Cornish Beach

Giant Tortoise found washed up on Cornish Beach

Walking on a beach these days, you can find almost anything; buckets, spades, motorcycles, chocolate biscuits, wooden decking, seaweed and even condoms. Much of these items come from an alarming rise in shipwrecks these days. Many of...

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Funny story: Survivorman Rides Giant Turtle to Safety

Survivorman Rides Giant Turtle to Safety

Lake Okeechobee, Florida (IP) - Survivor man Les Stroud jumped on the back of a 20 foot wide cooter turtle and rode it to safety in Lake Okeechobee last night. He had been filming a Survivorman episode on the west set of the lake near Indian Prairie...

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Funny story: The Race is not Over Yet

The Race is not Over Yet

Heads up, animal lovers, you finally have a presidential candidate you can whole heartedly support. Unfortunately, Trevor the Turtle has entered the 2000 presidential race.

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Funny story: TMNT protested by PETA, protested by AI, protested by ACLU, protested by CCA, protested by AU, protested by Rev. Phelps

TMNT protested by PETA, protested by AI, protested by ACLU, protested by CCA, protested by AU, protested by Rev. Phelps

TMNT, the new CGI movie based on the comic book "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" opened to throngs of protesters of all persuasions, most of whom were protesting each other.

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Funny story: Turtles thwart terror plot

Turtles thwart terror plot

ISLAMIC militants today were arrested in the sewers of New York City after a terror plot to blow up Madison Square Garden was foiled by unknown crime fighters.

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