Welcome to the 101st Annual Turtle Race … Yawn … And there’s the #3 turtle racing against the #4 turtle … and it’s heating up … (Oh god I can’t stop yawning!) And it’s neck and neck … one flipper forward … another … I think #3’s tail wagg…
Seattle, WA When Washington state made marijuana legal it was not without problems. Drug dogs at the airport were losing their minds. A spokesperson said that the constant barking for even small amounts of the drug made for a toxic and noisy envi…
TOMBSTONE, Arizona – (Satire News) – The iNews Agency reports that a door-to-door flour tortilla salesman in Tombstone, has been arrested for first-degree turtle abuse. Local authorities arrested Derek Simon Sipplovax, 29, for endangering a harmle…
In a rare moment of cooperation between the State Department and the Trump White House, the United States threatened to gift Iran with Mitch McConnell, and shook Iran's Mullahs to their core. "We simply cannot accept this generous offer to send th...
Spokane. The proposed "Squirrels at Twelve O'Clock High" overhead street bridge that would safely link squirrels from South Elm Street to North Elm Street may not be completed after all, due to a decision by the city council to eliminate all current...
Box Turtles in Kentucky stop eating and start getting sluggish sometime in the month of October, and that's why Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell desperately needs to pass an alternative to Obamacare by September. Mitch "The Bitch" McConnell...
Curtis Johnny Ottoman, or Otto. as he is known by his friends, is on the trail of a serial Tortoise Thief in Kent, Twelveoaks. Being one of the few reptilian detectives in the western hemisphere, Otto is world famous for his sleuthing. "Tortoises...
Sussex - Swarms of mating season Dermochelys coriacea leatherbacks were blamed today for 'hideous' attacks on British pensioners holidaying in the UK's 'Adriatic Riviera' of Bognor Regis. Invading Caribbean testudines have apparently mistaken some...
Dear Sir, I was fascinated to read in your magazine, about three years ago (I can't remember exactly when), about the days of the British Empire and some of the great characters of those times. But why did you not mention my ancestor William Plumstone, the man who introduced the porcelain eggcup to the Headhunters of Sarawak? Despite being warned numerous times, William had the courage to...
Japan - After numerous attempts to create "Real Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles," Americans are now asking Japan to do it for them. Japan constantly refuses the request to make them. In one letter, Cindy Jilop, who still works at Pizza Hut at the a...
Once surfer rock group The Turtles have long suffered with the notion that they were the first true one hit wonders of the modren rock era. Whenever anyone says The Turtles the only song that they can name is that brain plaguing lyric, Happy Together...
A 30-year-old disabled tortoise (ingrown toenails and harelip) unwittingly sent to a landfill site with its owner's rubbish, has been found alive. Sheldrake, a greater-crested Galapagos tortoise, owned by Gladys Hawksbill of Margate in Kent, clim...
The fact that marine turtles are emerging healthy and buying stock is an excellent indicator of how the effects of the credit and subprime mortgage crises might ultimately effect people, especially those living in the coastline tourist and travel des...
Scientists from the US National Marine Fisheries Service report that a leatherback turtle which they equipped with a tracking device migrated from Indonesia to Oregon to Hawaii, total of 13,000 miles. The amazing migration took about 2 years.
Walking on a beach these days, you can find almost anything; buckets, spades, motorcycles, chocolate biscuits, wooden decking, seaweed and even condoms. Much of these items come from an alarming rise in shipwrecks these days. Many of...
Lake Okeechobee, Florida (IP) - Survivor man Les Stroud jumped on the back of a 20 foot wide cooter turtle and rode it to safety in Lake Okeechobee last night. He had been filming a Survivorman episode on the west set of the lake near Indian Prairie...
Heads up, animal lovers, you finally have a presidential candidate you can whole heartedly support. Unfortunately, Trevor the Turtle has entered the 2000 presidential race.
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!
We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.
