Geneva, Switzerland - C.E.R.N., The European Organization for Nuclear Research, has retracted its claim made on Monday of having created an actual black hole in the collision chamber of the particle accelerator. CERN issued a very enthusiastic pre...
Scientists have discovered a horrifying "Biggs - Hosun" particle nicknamed the Devil Particle among the collision debris at the Large Hadron collider underneath Geneva. A scientist excitedly told our reporter, "I was looking inside the collision c...
Showing photographs of the recently developed superconducting processor, IBM announced plans for eventual release of their new Quantum Computer. Engineers and scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Cern, Switzerland, showed a vividly clear inter...
Fans of pop music and vampire fantasy films are to be disappointed today, as rumours of Justin Bieber appearing in the Twilight saga are announced to be untrue. Catherine Hardwicke, speaking at a press conference today, told journalists that "Jus...
It appears that the world of science and politics are about to meet head-on, and the result may be the biggest explosion in recorded history. Deep under the mountains of Colorado, engineers and construction crews have been working long hours to co...
Last night, Russia released the news that its own particle collider is up and running- and it's even bigger than CERN's. Work on this collider has been going on for years now, but the Russians quite sensibly told people that it wasn't actually goi...
The large hadron collider was restarted today in a bold attempt to find the missing chocolate particle predicted by scientists since the famous J.S.Fry experiments of the last century. Research then suggested that along with the 5 chocons (despera...
Professor Hugh Jarse was left red faced when it was revealed that the recent experiments using the Large Hadron Collider were responsible for the global financial crisis. The top British boffin explained "When we started the experiment we, as pred...
The new atomic particle super-collider is an enormous chamber for smashing together atoms in order to make enough noise to get God's attention. Some worry it will cause a local black hole that sucks up the Earth like the garbage disposal devours eve...
The Hadron Collider, that machine that was built to recreate the conditions just after the Big Bang, has been stolen, and has fallen into the hands of that arch-villain from the James Bond films, Ernst Blojob. That's the storyline of the brand new...
The Large Hadron Collider experiment was put on hold for a few months after scientists at CERN were forced to switch off the device. Top UK scientist Professor Hugh Jarse was on hand to explain. "It is quite straight forward actually. We are no...
Earlier this month the scientific world's bespectacled anorak gang, aka the Mensa Morons, with more degrees than a thermometer and less common sense that a business of lemmings, posed, quaffing firkins of champagne and grinning like Cheshire cats.
GENEVA, Switzerland - Concerns that the Large Hadron Collider might destroy the Earth proved unfounded on Wednesday, but scientists warned that they may instead have accidentally destroyed God shortly after powering up the machine. Detectors in th...
Scientist today reveal the full success story of the LHC as they switch it off for a few months to cool down, the European Organization for Nuclear Research (Cern) says. A spokesperson said it simply fantastic, "We knew at the outset that just col...
NewsDesk Geneva, Switzerland: A group of young scientists from CERN were arrested last night while partying at a popular nightspot for scientists in Geneva. Reports coming in state young revellers in the Quantum Pub were arrested while stripping...
European bankers have now admitted that they rigged the results of the Large Hadron Collider - which runs beneath Switzerland, Germany and France - in order to create an implosion in the American financial system. "We were really upset that Credit...
Popular children's television programme Blue Peter revealed today that they will be making a LHC using a variety of items found in the typical home. "We are hoping to make science more approachable for today's youngsters," said new series producer...
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