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Funny satire stories about Steven Seagal

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Funny story: Steven Seagal is Melting for More Putin

Steven Seagal is Melting for More Putin

Putin gave Steven Seagal an award for being a nice guy. Putin needs more ex-celebrities from America to show America “see … I’ve got one of yours! I’m going Hollywood!” What Putin doesn’t understand is that no one cares about Seagal anymore becaus…

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Funny story: Seagal Can’t Fly on the Cruise

Seagal Can’t Fly on the Cruise

Tom Cruise has already signed a deal for the next Mission Impossible movie. Tom is gonna join forces in Ukraine and single-handedly take Russia down. Steven Seagal, Putin’s personal Hollywood bitch, doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like that Cruise i…

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Funny story: Trump Said Coronavirus Gone In Two Weeks

Trump Said Coronavirus Gone In Two Weeks

Bone spur expert and beauty contest entrepreneur, Donald Trump, announced that the coronavirus would eventually disappear with the 'hot season.' And, with Trump’s dismissive leadership on a pandemic, so will the human race. Not to worry. Trump...

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Funny story: Prosecutors look the other way in Seagull case

Prosecutors look the other way in Seagull case

La La Land—Prosecutors in La La Land (aka Los Angeles) announced that martial arts expert and occasional “actor” Steven Seagull will not be prosecuted for a 2002 sexual assault he (allegedly) committed against a former model. According to the mode...

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Funny story: Steven Seagal to Lose Gun Permit, Screen Actors Guild Card

Steven Seagal to Lose Gun Permit, Screen Actors Guild Card

Following the bold decision by police in Louisiana to deny the renewal application of a Concealed Weapons Permit for humoungous, fake Deputy Steven Seagal, The Screen Actors Guild has announced that they will also be looking to end his association w...

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Funny story: Steven Seagal Sued for One Million Lollipops by Former Sex Slave

Steven Seagal Sued for One Million Lollipops by Former Sex Slave

Action hero and self proclaimed sex symbol Steven Seagal is being sued for breach of contract by his former very personal assistant Liotta Licki. The former child porn star declares Seagal lured her out of the slums of Vietnam and made contractua...

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Funny story: Alex Reid To Be The New Steven Seagal

Alex Reid To Be The New Steven Seagal

Eccentric British film director Buffty Ginslinger today told anyone who'd listen that he was desperate to sign cock fighting welsh dresser Alex Reid for a new movie project designed to fill the niche left largely unfilled by Hollywood tough-guy actor...

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Funny story: Steven Seagal Injured in Guitar Hero Accident

Steven Seagal Injured in Guitar Hero Accident

Action movie star Steven Seagal was admitted to hospital last week after suffering a sprained testicle while playing the popular Guitar Hero game on the Xbox 360. Seagal is claimed to have been attempting the elusive 'Double Whammy-Bar Deflect wit...

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Funny story: Seagal Requesting his Name be Removed From List of Banned Deadly Weapons

Seagal Requesting his Name be Removed From List of Banned Deadly Weapons

NEW YORK, NY - Steven Seagal met with a number of foreign diplomats at the United Nations headquarters Monday, requesting the removal of his name from a list of controversial weapons facing a ban by international treaty.

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Funny story: Prison Break star wins Squinting Contest

Prison Break star wins Squinting Contest

Prison Break star Wentworth Miller has beaten off rival Clint Eastwood in a live televised squinting contest watched by millions.

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Funny story: Steven Seagal invites fat girls to howl at his house

Steven Seagal invites fat girls to howl at his house

Tubby 90's action hero, Steven Seagal has been spotted placing notices on store windows in Boise, Idaho, calling on fat girls to howl at his house.

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