PHOENIX – (Satire News) - The ex-sheriff of Maricopa county, Joe Arpaio, has been soundly defeated in his second attempt to win back his sheriff’s badge. Arpaio was noted for making his prisoners dress in pink, including socks, shirts, underwear,…
With prisons and jails in danger of becoming breeding grounds for the coronavirus, the White House has come up with a novel way of releasing criminals back into society earlier than their initial sentences demanded While not classed as parole, th...
"UK Prison Reform. A serious issue that needs to be taken seriously." (BBC London. 19/05/2016) Some suggestions. 1. Daily full body massages. 2. Freely available prostitutes. 3. Boxing stadiums. 4. Regular visiting entertainers like Rolf Harris or Boris Johnson. 5. Comprehensive menu prepared by Gordon Ramsay. 6. Wine, spirits and beer available with all meals. 7. Prescr...
To make sure their prisoners never get out alive, Indonesia has decided to employ huge crocodiles to patrol their prisons instead of the human version. Indonesia is renowned for its infamous and very strict prison regimes and once an inmate is in,...
A pill which cures prisoners of the urge to commit crimes is to be given to all inmates of H.M.P Isle of Wight. The pill's effects, which although it has to be administered daily, mean that all prisoners will remain completely law abiding as long as...
President Obama is on a roll with an all new sensational exchange arrangement. By now it's been well established that missing Teamsters kingpin Jimmy Hoffa was taken by the Taliban after vanishing from the parking lot of a restaurant in suburban Detr...
Washington - UN Ambassador Susan Rice made the rounds on the Sunday talk shows once again to announce that freed prisoner, Bowe Bergdahl, was released after a prisoner swap, involving five Taliban terrorists, after the Taliban threatened to relea...
THE HORROR, THE HORROR, OHIO VALLEY -- Some area residents NOT BEING HELD CAPTIVE by The Taliban said the United States made a bad decision in arranging a prisoner exchange to free a U.S. soldier who WAS BEING HELD CAPTIVE by The Taliban. "He shou...
Washington, D.C. - Most people consider the Boston Red Sox trade of future baseball god Babe Ruth for a cash loan to finance the No, No, Nanette musical to be the worst trade of all time. But No, No, Nanette, we have a new winner. Over the we...
HOME ROOM CONFINEMENT, BELLAIRE, OHIO -- Following the defeat of an operating levy for the eighth time in four years, the Bellaire Local School District has been forced to take the drastic measure of laying off all its high school teachers and replac...
England's prison system (which has long been described as Butlins with bars) has fucked up yet again. Back and to the Left news has never understood the point of having a open prison, isn't that just a hotel that you don't pay for? If we ran a open p...
Murderers, rapists, burglars and hooligans are to be given the use of chauffeur driven limousines, 72 inch 3D Plasma televisions, masseuse services, manicures and luxury holidays in 5 star hotels, a Home Office spokesperson announced this morning.
MARICOPA COUNTY, Arizona - The self-proclaimed Toughest Sheriff in America, Joe "Pinky" Arpaio has said that he turned down an offer to appear as a contestant on this season's edition of Dancing With The Stars. Sheriff "Pinky" Arpaio, received his...
MARIN COUNTY, California - A representative for The San Quentin Department of Corrections & Rehabilitation State Prison has just informed the news media of a trial program. The trial program will be implemented on Saturday, April 19, 2014. The...
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - A spokesman for the Federal Bureau of Prisons has issued a stern warning to the American Public. "It is getting darn right crowded in here," complains Warden Clarence Frapples. "You people need to start behaving and follo...
Stuart Hall is settling in well among the "Beasts" at Wymott prison. The brilliant football commentator is in great demand as a free soccer expert during televised football. Hall, a great raconteur and astute MC for all events says he is as happy as...
SAN DIEGO - United States Customs Agents have advised the Arizona state authorities to be on the look out for a late model mossy green truck that is reportedly headed for their state. Captain Lestingwood Grimwitch, 43, with the U.S. Department of...
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