MANDATORY automatic calorie limiters could soon be implanted into all new-born babies within the next three years, as new measures to slash obesity levels are introduced. Some MPs (the slimmer ones) have approved the fitment of a range of new impla...
Greggs bakery shops in Ashton, Manchester, Salford and Liverpool were targeted by angry mobs yesterday, after a hoax message on Twitter, announced that the company were withdrawing pasties from their product range. The Greggs pastie is renowned as...
Archibald Braithwait is a 3rd generation master butcher however he has been gazumped by his 5th generation robot butcher in this years annual pie making awards held in Edinburgh. Braithwait & Sons & Son introduced technology to their butc...
A "Cat-Pie For Sale" poster has angered the townspeople of Appledore, Kent as it has been positioned directly above a long-standing missing cat poster. The cat allegedly used to make the pie, describes the exact cat that went missing two weeks ago...
West Yorkshire real gravy campaigner, and pie and pastie VAT rebel, Ken Mither, today renounced Prime Sinister David Cameron, claiming that the PM's claims of eating a Cornish pastie at Leeds railway station was "a load of utter bollocks." Mr Mith...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today announced that in order to keep up with panic buying in the UK - just in case something happens - he has spent the last three hours panic buying pies, pasties and Belgian lager across virtually every supermarket in...
Well known chips and gravy campaigner, Ken Mither, of Cleckhuddersfax, West Yorkshire today announced that he would be backing legal moves by bakery giant, Greggs to oppose the imposition of VAT on pies, pasties, and sausage rolls. Further, Mr Mit...
The International Federation Of Dieticians today named The Pie And Pizza Diet the worst in the world - ever. The diet, brainchild of Professor KFC McDonald of Sunderland College Of Arts And Technology was universally acknowledged as being utterly...
Police in full riot gear are struggling to maintain order in Burnley, Lancashire, as fans of Russian tennis star, Maria Sharapova went on the rampage, following their heroine's Wimbledon Ladies Singles Final defeat to Czech, Petra Kvitova. The tro...
Observers have expressed what they describe as 'very real and substantial fears' over bride-to-be Kate Middleton's weight. Or lack of it. Having spent much of her last days of 'freedom' on shopping trips down Chelsea's Kings Road, the much papp...
The European Court is likely to protect the Cornish Pasty by giving it a PGI (Pretty Good Indigestion) award - meaning that only Pasties prepared in Cornwall can be called 'Cornish Pasties'. Pasties made in Devon, following the same recipe, cannot...
Environmental food officers raided an East End Barber shop today after members of the public voiced concerns about the taste of meat pies being sold at the premises. The shop, "Gawd Blimey Todds" in the Bethnal Green road, has been selling hot mea...
Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Inc. today announced the release of their new iPie 1.0, specially designed for the UK market. "This will be a revolutionary change in the way consumers eat pastry," says Jobs, "The basic unit comes ready to eat, but can be...
When you hear pi-r-squared you probably think of a circle but historians have uncovered notes to suggest that it came from bakers making pies which after going through the baking process some parts changed from being circular to square. One baker...
Kerry Katona has hightailed it from her fat fighting rehab course. The portly pie bin was seen trying to scale a security wall at the rear of the Kent weight loss centre. She had only been in there for three days, but had evidently had enough. Or...
Scientists in Utrecht in The Netherlands have discovered that eating pastry products can greatly increase virility, decrease the chances of heart disease and give a feeling of general well-being. Dr Strabismus, whom God preserve of Utrecht, told t...
London, England - Police have described the tapping of the mobile phones of John Prescott, former New Labour Deputy, by News International Journalists as "Nauseating. Against all moral laws." Thousands of phones belonging to politicians, entertainers...
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