As Paul Ryan showed us around the capital, #3 fell in step next to me and whispered, "We have to get out of this. We've gone back in time to 2015." I looked in her eyes, and she was dead serious, as usual. "Lead the way," I replied, already sick o…
WASHINGTON D.C.: Republicans unveiled a controversial tactic in their attempt to win the 2018 election. Senator Mitch McConnell told CNN, “We gained five points in the polls when we implied that Democrats should not have heads if they take back the Congress. So we've decided to hunt and kill them to ensure total control. Rand Paul is going to wear Al Franken's skin just in case someone decides...
Washington, D. C. In a remarkable reversal of his position, House Speaker Paul Ryan today announced that the way to save the social security system is to shorten the life span of working Americans so that fewer of them retire to collect retirement be...
"What are we going to do?" whispered Mitch McConnell secretly to Mike Pence. " If we don't get this new AbominableCare bill through our handlers will come down on us heavy!" "First off, I think we should change the name. It sounds too much like Ob...
Washington, DC - President Donald Trump and House Speaker Paul Ryan will appear together on the reality show, Naked and Afraid. Producers wanted to film a special episode where two politicians have to live on their own without access to health care.
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan has urged President Trump to resign, according to people close to him. "It is much easier for our members to be the party in opposition than it is to govern," the Speaker reportedly told the President. "As the part...
After letting close minded politicians and other agenda pushing brain apes bamboozle them with conflicting theories on climate change, scientists again get boned when they try to reassert the concept of pollution. "I consider it fake news," Presid...
CHICAGO TRIBUNE Recent studies indicate that Obamacare (The Affordable Care Act) has saved thousands of lives and prolonged the lives and decreased suffering of several millions. When asked about this, Paul Ryan said, "We're going to repeal i...
Washington D.C. - in a press conference here this morning, Paul Ryan released a video of Trump farting and then bragging about how well he can fart. On the video, the fart can be heard to last for a full nine seconds, at a pitch at least two octaves...
Washington DC - A tape strategically leaked to the press by the Clinton campaign has led to calls for Trump to drop out of the race. Most of those calling for him to drop out are major figures within the Republican party still bitter that the voters...
TRUMP HEADQUARTERS (that is, Trump's head)--Donald Trump today suspended his campaign after running out of adjectives aimed at his main demographic: Those who speak and write at the level of fourth graders. After "Crooked Hillary" began to get old,...
Washington DC- Saying he wasn't elected House Speaker to "sit around with my thumb up my ass," Paul Ryan today unveiled his cock and a legislative alternative to Obamacare that was "streamlined and nowhere near as massive as the original." Ryan took...
Washington, DC: In a stunning turn of events, Donald Trump, the presumed presidential nominee for the Republican Party, declined the nomination altogether, and announced that his entire race to the White House was for a reality TV project. The prem...
Washington, DC: Trump held multiple rallies today. At each rally he took his African American with him. Gregory Cheadle, a Republican candidate for the 1st Congressional District who lives in Happy Valley, California, was ecstatic to be the only Af...
Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan say they will resort to corporal punishment if Donald Trump should ever abuse his access to the nations nuclear codes. "I think a good old fashioned spanking or paddling would be in order," McConnell said. "Donald Tru...
Seeing the hungry crowds, Jesus went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. 2 And Jesus opened his mouth and yelled at the hungry and destitute crowds, shouting: 3 "Cursed are the poor in spirit, for they are the moochers and the takers! 4 "Cursed are those who mourn, or anyone who needs to be comforted, the saps! 5 "Blessed are the meek, especially those...
Paul Ryan's much anticipated budget report was released and as expected he really sticks it to America's poor, in fact he kills them! The new strategy called "Soylent Purple" amazingly cuts spending and balances the budget is just six months. I...
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