London - "Daft old cow's been reading too many bloody tabloid headlines, what?" the old curmudgeon snarled at Palace footmen today as details of the plot emerged. "Why, only this morning the stupid bat asked me if I'd seen the effin' story and ask...
VENICE BEACH, California - The star of the hit sit-com Modern Family, Sofia Vergara was having lunch at The Giggling Guacamole Restaurant in Venice Beach when she received a phone call. The caller was Axton P. Zipplecross, Jr, who is the owner and...
Isle of Dogs - Five c**nts of outraging pubic decency have been brought against local London K9 postal district estate agent Darren Stucco following an 'incident' at Barking's Mayan Doomsday Prophecy emergency shelter. The emergency facility is ca...
Cyberspace - An online bookmakers has reported a wall of money currently topping $100 million in pre-Winter Solstice bets about specific long shot events occurring to fulfill the Mayan Calendar prophecy. Top of the doomsday list is Brit hoaxer mon...
Stonehenge, Wilts - A British coven based near the prehysteric monument of Stonehenge has tipped off the press about the government's Doomsday plans for members of the Cabinet and the royal family. "They're all legging it to a nuke-proof 'austeri...
New York - A famous Manhattan concert venue featured as a post-apocalyptic 'Obamascare' assisted suicide facility in the 1973 movie Soylent Green is at the core of a major paranormal scare this weekend. FEMA officials reviewing post-Superstorm San...
Scientists have unanimously concluded there is no cause for alarm. There will be no Mayan apocalypse--or Mayageddon as it is more affectionately known--on December 21 resulting in the end of the world. Spokesman for the scientific com...
Washington, D.C. - The Obama administration announced today, that the President has submitted a plan to Congress that would require the GPO (Gov. Printing Office), to revise and extend the Mayan calendar for at least one year. With the Congress...
La Corona, Guatemala - The Mayan end-of-daze Calendar has been finally outed as total crap after archaeologists found a turd - er...third! - vital clue in some ancient masonry. Newly discovered tablets from a Guatemalan apothecary's cave poo-poo t...
London - Ufologists fighting for a share of the lucrative Gemini Solar Eclipse prediction market centered on Sunday night's occultation are having none of it, of course. They're siding with Mexican cereologist Jamie Maussan's claims that the 2004...
MEXICO CITY-People around the world are now saying "Mayan who?" as it appears that the ancient civilization known as the Mixtec have miraculously foretold the exact time and day when their calendar will come to an end. The Mixtec, who originated...
NEW YORK, N.Y. -- In a dramatic and controversial move to boost television ratings, Fox News today announced the quarterback of this weekend's losing Super Bowl team will be electrocuted on a special live show following the game. A Fox spokesman said...
Aude, France - A camper van convoy heading south to the apocalyptic 2012 town of Bugarach is threatening to sue UK tour operators HippyWheels amid a gruelling three day experience of local extreme plumbing. Treacherous wintry conditions saw the cl...
Office Intersection, a major big box office supply retailer, announced this week that they will begin selling mace due to the increase in popularity of using the spray to settling arguments, get the toy you want, or if you just don't like the way som...
Mexico - Stargazers at Mexico's National Institute for Anthropology, History and Mayan Calendar Rants have published new evidence from temple ruin brick fragments at Tortuguero, Tabasco State. Glyphs representing a Venus conjunction 'with a myster...
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