I needed a bank loan but I didn’t know whether I should go to a bank or to my local mafia boss. The mafia guy was pretty upfront about it. “If youse don’t give me my money back with interest, you’ll be sleeping with the fishes.” I like fish, so…
London, England - The two JP Morgan financial analysts, known collaboratively as the London Whale, have seemingly overnight, helped boost the profit margins of one of the very journalistic institutions which has been taking the piss out of them for n...
NEW YORK - JP Morgan issued a press release at a press conference today stating that they had to stop buying anything. This has nothing to do with the fact that they lost billions of dollars, the exact amount unknown. CEO, JD, stated that the re...
London - The daft old tosspot is the US bank's top gambling tipster advising on a range of international whorseracing punts. This weekend he's being fingered by his rum 'Captain' Morgan bosses for the biggest trading losses in the bank's entire hy...
Corporate money-sequestration titans Bank of America and Chase Bank today announced that their recently announced new fees and the hikes of existing fees will actually cost more money to introduce, charge and enforce than expected, leaving net profit...
In a deal completed late today, JP Morgan announced it has traded Bear Stearns, the investment banking switch hitter, recently named in the Wall Street mortgage steroid scandal, to the New York Yankees for Alex Rodriquez who unlike several Bear Ste...
In an startling news JP Morgan admits, due to a typing error, they have actually purchased the British survival expert Bear Grylls.
Off the Wall Street - (Sleaze Mess): "At last I have found my true spiritual home," ex-UK Prime Monster Tony Blair said today referring to his hiring as a $20,000 per-week slush-fund adviser to top US sleazebroker JP Morgan.
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