BBC executives have negotiated the sell off, at massive gain for the Corporation, the complete archives of all county cricket matches to the U.S. Military. The tapes are to be used to replace "Waterboarding" as a means of cracking suspects' wills to...
Forthright Yorkshireman Geoff Boycott has laughed off claims that Sachin Tendulkar is the Indian Don Bradman. Gritty batsman Boycott, who was dropped from the England team in 1967 after grinding out 106 in a day against the Indians, has never been...
Former Test opener, cricket pundit and professional know-it-all Yorkshireman Geoffrey Boycott has caused further outrage with controversial comments on the sensitive issue of mental health. Only days after offending his audience with mockery of Michael Yardy, the English slow bowler who withdrew from the World Cup with depression, Boycott was on the attack again, an event rarely, if ever, witnes...
Dear Geoff My life is a mess. The girl I love doesn't even notice me. I've had to quit my job because everyone thinks I'm crap. I grew a beard but I look like a twat. I feel so lonely. Please help me Geoff. I have nowhere left to go. I feel like I'm running out of time. Adrian, West Bromwich Well, lad you are in a mess. Running out? I know all about that. Just ask Derek Randall. If y...
Good day and welcome. It's great to back with another corridor of uncertainty. I've been tied to my mother's pinny since my last installment. Now I'm back and here is a belter of a letter from little Ashley. Dear Geoff, I have a problem. I can't sleep unless I'm completely naked and people take photos of me. Strange, isn't it? Recently I was sleep walking naked when I tripped and fell. As l...
(Defecated News) - Following the 69 year old Yorkshireman's rant on radio, where he was overheard saying 'fucking tosser', more recording have been leaked online. The former England cricketer, and founder of the National Association of Lesbian Far...
The United Nations was left reeling today from a savage verbal attack from Geoffrey Boycott. The former England opening batsman launched an angry tirade on the eve of a racism conference. "How can they talk seriously about dealing with racism thro...
The Indian Premier League, or IPL, which has now been moved to South Africa amid worries over the security of players due to play in it, will now be known as the SAPL, according to cricket chiefs who met yesterday in Johannesburg. The tournament w...
We have had a letter from abroad. All the way from the Caribbean. Dear Geoff Ever since I was a kid I've struggled with maths. All the other children used to laugh at me in school. But I was real determined to prove them all wrong. I worked hard and eventually I got a really good job in the West Indies. But disaster! I never knew that my job would involve solving equations and doing arith...
We have had a letter from a reader. And it's a corker Dear Mister Boycott I hope you can help me, I am a big fan even though my Dad says you were quite slow and boring. I am in the Under-15s and wearing a box when I'm batting is now starting to hurt. I get quite sore and swollen and when Mrs Prior was umpiring last week I became faint and had to be retired hurt. Should I stop wearing a...
Welcome. We have a very strange letter from a guy known only as 'Mandy', but I 'appen to know that his first name is Peter. Ok, here it is: Dear Geoff, I have a serious problem. Just recently I have developed the most dreadful anal warts. Not just one or two either. Scores of the bastards. It hurts when I sit down. And Ronaldo wont play leapfrog with me any more. I really like it when he pla...
Hello, and welcome back to my corridor of uncertainty. This week I've received a very interesting letter from a chap who seems to be in a right mess. Dear Mr Boycott, I've always been a big fan of yours (CREEP) and now I think I need your help. It seems that I've got into a bit of a financial mess. I don't know where to turn to. It's not really my fault, but my frie...
Hello and welcome to my corridor of uncertainty. This week I have a letter from Sharron Milner of Brighouse: Dear Mr Boycott I am a fifteen year old who has just given birth. I am going to have to give up school. Please can you give advice to others who might have the same accident? Well, fifteen and pregnant, eh? She were playing too loose. No wonder she got c...
The world of cricket was rocked today by claims that Geoffrey Boycott was actually invented by the Belgians. Professor H. Owzat, of Cambridge University, has uncovered evidence that he believes proves Boycott's Belgian origins. It has always been bel...
Geoff Boycot was a "red hot lover" who remained "at the crease' and had "excellent technique" according to Ms Julie Creosote, a self-confessed cricket groupie. She first met Boycott at Headingley during a break for bad light. But, says Ms Creosote...
Fresh from the England team's embarrassing humiliation by the West Indies on Saturday, the England cricket selectors have acted swiftly to supress criticism, and have recalled ancient treasure, Sir Geoffrey Boycott to the team for the Second Test mat...
GEOFFREY Boycott, the Yorkshire and England opening batsmen and cricket commentator is recovering in hospital after his ire came close to exploding during the recent test series between England and West Indies. Yorkshire-born Boycott was reported...
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