In honor of today, Friday the 13th (this might be up on the Spoof by summer, but it'll work for any 13th Friday) ... Ladies and gentlemen, the Maestro ... Run for your life Jason’s got a knife He’s coming for you ‘Cuz he saw you screw You…
Ghislaine Maxwell’s lawyer has said that she’s not feeling suicidal, even though prison officials have put her on suicide watch. She’s scared. She knows (as we all do) what happens when you’re dirt and you have dirt on many powerful people who are…
LAS VEGAS – (Satire News) – After receiving countless petitions with literally millions of signatures, the Nevada State Senate has acted. The “Staters” voted 91-9 to abolish any and all Friday the 13ths. Sen. Higgley P. Fernandez of Poker Chips…
At the end of a long, hard, not to mention exhausting, week at work, it's good to reach Friday, knowing that a weekend full of relaxation with our family is waiting for us at home. One man, however, doesn't see things quite like that. Myke Wood…
"Jaws" : A crazy fisherman plans to buy a bigger boat until he's gobbled up by a giant pre-"Sharknado" shark. "Star Wars - The Empire Strikes Back" : A dyslexic Muppet trains a farm boy to use his head and deal with his daddy issues. "Star Trek…
New York - The last time a full moon occurred on Friday the 13th, in October 2000, Rupert Murdoch was sitting pretty in his NYC NewsCorpse HQ confidently predicting Al 'Weird Al' Gore was just daze away from being elected the next President of the U...
New York - Rabbis at New York's Kabbalah Institute for Diaspora Stuff are wrestling with the thorny issue of karma ahead of Yom Kippur, the year's most sombre feast day. Day of Atonement rituals set to begin around sunset tomorrow are causing ang...
London - A cosmic tsunami is being predicted as Uranus, celestial body of sudden eruptions, turns retrograde this Friday. Nicknamed the zodiac's Great Awakener the planet currently straddles part of the Aries constellation traditionally associated...
Friday the thirteenth is a day to be feared. Many people choose to stay in bed on the traditionally unlucky day, named after the slasher film franchise starring the un-killable Jason Vorhees. But few suffer the misfortune that befell Terry Gilchri...
Rome - The Pope's private quarters had the full Bell, Book & Candle treatment today after minders found a red-haired voodoo doll stuffed inside a hidden crevice along with a handwritten billet-doux signed 'Love, Fidel'. Vatican exorcists fear...
Camp Crystal Lake - Maine - Startling figures released by the FBI this morning related that a staggeringly low 876 summer camp murders occurred last night, as opposed to 15,986 on the corresponding Friday the 13th date for August 2011. Behavioral...
Portsmouth - A ouija board reading at the Admiralty tonight voiced fears about the Brits' new kick-ass boat HMS Daring being seized by Somali pirates on Friday the 13th. The Type 45 destroyer left Portsmouth this morning bound for the turbulent, o...
Indonesia - She was informed early as the 7.3 magnitude tremor struck 423km (262 miles) south-west of Banda Aceh at an estimated depth of 29.1 km (18.1 miles) triggering an official tsunami warning along the Pacific Ring of Fire. Courtiers said to...
Baltic Sea - "OMG! Tell me this isn't an omen!" a Clarence House flunkey wailed as news that a passenger cruise liner named The Devil And Kate was being towed to port following a massive internal power failure. The 856-cabin vessel, originally the...
Say-Shells - A cliched twist on the old 'Did the earth move for you, darlin?' is rattling the newlyweds, a tremor-watch conspiracy site said today. The royal pair's Seychelles honeymoon isle 'could see a massive tidal surge this weekend' TinFoilH...
Rome - (Jesus Wept News): A 'spolier' prediction by cabinet-maker and amateur seismologist Raffaele Bendandi has rattled the Vatican. The wannabe seer reckoned that today, May 11th's astrological alignments would spark the Big One, razing the Eter...
Several astronomers are coming right out and telling people to be extra careful this Friday the 13th due to the fact that in addition to the 13th falling on a Friday this month, another more sinister event will be happening in the skies that night-a...
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