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Funny satire stories about Classical Music

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Funny story: Congress looking at Zelensky performance art instead of honorary bust; Biden delighted

Congress looking at Zelensky performance art instead of honorary bust; Biden delighted

A resolution introduced by Rep. Joe Wilson (R-S.C.) to honor Ukraine's president Volodomyr Zelensky will be delayed at this time. The idea was to establish a bust of Mr. Zelensky's head, mounted in a “suitable, permanent location” at the House of…

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Funny story: The Never-Performed Eighth Movement of "The Planets"

The Never-Performed Eighth Movement of "The Planets"

There was a time when my classical music station in Los Angeles, KUSC-fm, played Gustave Holst's "The Planets" more frequently than it does now. That was wen moon walks and Mars landings occurred more often than they do today. The Holst opus is one of the great symphonic compositions of the twentieth century, but after 1930 it was very much in need of an eighth movement. Until 2006, that is.

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Funny story: Bono, Gabriel Slam "Pathetic" Wagner Apologists

Bono, Gabriel Slam "Pathetic" Wagner Apologists

Many music critics view Wagner's music as problematic because of the composers' anti-Semitic views, and many argue that his classic works of opera are inseparable from his hatred of Jewish people. However, not everyone agrees. So, we've asked a couple of real music experts (not some pathetic, pedantic, mainstream, dusty old music critics), to give their two (million) cents worth on this on...

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Funny story: Unprecedented Vatican Scandal: German Infidel Canonised

Unprecedented Vatican Scandal: German Infidel Canonised

A scandalous leaked document from the Vatican highlights an utterly disgraceful and absolutely unbelievable lapse of judgment on the part of top Church authorities, which will almost certainly make the Church's reputation plummet to unprecedented dep...

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Funny story: Mark Twain Returns To Earth, Savages U.S.

Mark Twain Returns To Earth, Savages U.S.

Mark Twain, who famously lampooned Christianity and the lifestyle in the U.S., human sexuality, and indeed all human beings, has returned to earth. He has been reincarnated in the form of a blogger and is published by both the print and electroni...

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Funny story: Broadsheet dubs singer Katherine Jenkins 'an offensive and dangerous sham'

Broadsheet dubs singer Katherine Jenkins 'an offensive and dangerous sham'

London - A 'Classic Brits - an offensive and dangerous sham' caption on the paper's front page sits squarely above the Welsh mezzo-soprano's pic. It's the latest media swipe at the diminutive blond warbler who bizarrely - an for no apparent reaso...

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Funny story: Australian City Leads The Way In Fighting Antisocial Behaviour

Australian City Leads The Way In Fighting Antisocial Behaviour

Brisbane City Council has made a groundbreaking move in the battle to dispel antisocial behaviour from the city centre's major precincts. The city has, for years, watched as groups of poorly educated and unemployed youths have gathered in the city...

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Funny story: Proms Review: Prom 44

Proms Review: Prom 44

Ligeti, Berio, Xenakis, Harvey, Andriessen, Cage. Byron Fulcher - trombone Sound Intermedia London Sinfonietta London Sinfonietta Academy Ensemble André Ridder, conductor. Pierre Noxious writes: The earlier Prom last night was some nice stuff by Delius, Saint-Saëns and Tchaikovsky played by the Royal Phil under Charles Dutoit and featuring hot property young ivory-tickler Benjamin Gro...

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Funny story: Sue Perkins Plays Beethoven - 'Big Deal' Says Local Guitarist

Sue Perkins Plays Beethoven - 'Big Deal' Says Local Guitarist

A local musician has hit out at TV celebrities airing their anxieties on entertainment shows after a new show featuring comic Sue Perkins aired last night. Ms Perkins, well known for radio shows such as Just A Minute and TV extravaganzas The Great...

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Funny story: The Beginner's Guide Part 3: Ten Things To Know About Classical Music

The Beginner's Guide Part 3: Ten Things To Know About Classical Music

Classical music. A gift to the senses to be enjoyed by all? Or the elitist, stuffy domain of people with beards and dinner jackets? With so much history and so many players involved, traversing the auditory minefield that is Classical music can be daunting to the seasoned veteran, let alone the humble beginner! Well not any more! Not with our handy 10 point 'Beginner's Guide'. Sorting...

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Funny story: Tchaikovsky - The Nutcracker

Tchaikovsky - The Nutcracker

Berlin Philharmonic/Simon Rattle. (EMI) Pierre Noxious writes: Ah, it's Christmas, so it must be old Piotr's Nutcracker. There's a lot of interest in this because Sir Simon doesn't have any rep to speak of when it comes to Tchaikovsky. In fact, this is his first recording of the Russian master and he admits in the sleeve notes that he was never a fan. But this always brings a smile to...

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Funny story: Sibelius/Leonard Bernstein - DVD review

Sibelius/Leonard Bernstein - DVD review

Symphonies - No 1, in E min; No 2 in D; No 5 in E flat; No 7 in C. Vienna Philharmonic/Leonard Bernstein. Pierre Noxious writes: Bloody hell! I just heard on the radio - just this second on Radio 4's Midweek - that the guy who wrote Amazing Grace was a vicar and a slave trader! What you can learn, eh? I like to listen to Radio 4 when I'm writing - or last night's Radcliffe & Mac...

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Funny story: JS Bach Violin Concertos

JS Bach Violin Concertos

In A minor, BWV 1041; in E, BWV 1042; in G minor, after BWV 1056; in A, after BWV 1055. Rachel Podger, violin; Brecon Baroque (Channel Classics). Pierre Noxious writes. Couldn't resist this one. Tell you why. Rachel Podger. Isn't that a brilliant name? When I was a kid, my folks ran a shop in Garforth (near Leeds. Garforth's that place where the local football club has given Gazza...

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Funny story: Proms review: Prom 76

Proms review: Prom 76

Too many pieces to list here. Renee Fleming, soprano Maxim Rysanov, viola BBC Singers BBC Symphony Chorus BBC Symphony Orchestra Jiri Behlohlavek, conductor Pierre Noxious writes: I wasn't going to bother with any more Proms this year (no I didn't do the Stravinsky on Tuesday), but the missus said she hadn't been to the Last Night for donkeys' and I thought, well, I'm off for a coupl...

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Funny story: Schumann At 200. CD Review: The Complete Symphonies

Schumann At 200. CD Review: The Complete Symphonies

Schumann: Complete Symphonies; Konzertstück. Vienna Symphony Orchestra/Fabio Luisi Pierre Noxious writes: I don't have any gigs to see this week (don't fancy any of the Proms at all, to be perfectly honest) so I thought I'd better get this Orfeo release out of the way (record companies can't half get arsey if you don't review what they send you - 'specially box sets). Did you know that...

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Funny story: Development in listening to the classics a bafflement to music professors

Development in listening to the classics a bafflement to music professors

Arthur Bowdinsky, Director of Classical Studies at Clavichord University released his findings on Tuesday regarding the structure of music as language, turning the world upside down. Bowdinsky discovered that if a person concentrates on a specific formula they will cease to hear the music, and the sound is replaced by conversation. His discovery proves that the mathematical quality of music al...

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Funny story: Beethoven's Tenth Symphony - Out Today

Beethoven's Tenth Symphony - Out Today

Great news for classical music fans; following posthumous releases by other artists, a new recording of an unknown Beethoven work has hit music shops today. The company behind the release say it has been compiled from old records of music written...

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