HONG KONG – (World News) – China’s Abacus News Agency has made it known that the leader of China, Xi Jinping, wants to purchase the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. The Chinese leader stated that he has been wanting to buy the covete…
CHICAGO – (Sports Satire) - The Chicago Cubs organization has always had a pulse on the city located on Lake Michigan. ESPN-5 talked to Cubs manager David Ross at a local Red Lobster, and discussed his latest idea regarding the Black Lives Matter…
Following the dismissal of Joe Maddon last month and this week’s hiring of new skipper David Ross, the Chicago Cubs have positioned themselves brilliantly for a run at a World Series title in 2119. In Monday’s presser, Ross stressed accountability...
In a stunning announcement it has been learned the Chicago Cubs will have to vacate Wrigley Field immediately and will not be able to return to the field for any future home games. Apparently the Cubs owner, Thomas S. Ricketts was not aware of a cla...
God Almighty, aka Allah, the High Almighty, Jehovah, and Yahweh admits that he caused the World Series to go out to the full seven games. "I know it's unprecedented, but come on, I haven't ever interfered before, not even during that dreadful Blac...
CLEVELAND--In a move Vatican officials are calling "purely coincidental," to the Chicago Cubs' victory in the World Series, Jesus Christ, Son of God and Savior of Humanity, left His place at the right hand of the Father early Thursday morning, and ha...
NY Mets player Daniel Murphy has astonished the sports world -- and himself -- with a history-making performance. Home runs in six consecutive post-season games! There's a secret to his success. Keep it under your hat, but SOMEONE has been throwin...
The Chicago Cubs are on the verge of securing a NLDS series win over the St. Louis Cardinals. With the series victory they will only have one team in their way for the opportunity to compete in the World Series, for the first time since 1945. The...
Lincoln, Nebraska - Despite the fact that Governor Pete Ricketts' veto to repeal the death penalty was overridden by Nebraskan State Senators, Ricketts has promised to continue with executions. In his first attempt, he made a deal with an undergr...
VATICAN CITY - Pope Francis unleashed his how you like me now mission statement for his (so far anyway) perpetually perplexing papacy Tuesday. During which he attempted to explain - via a variety of highly suspicious words otherwise recklessly distr…
CHICAGO - Lately it seems that once the National Anthem ends at Wrigley Field, home of the Cubs and Comiskey Park, home of the White Sox, it is all downhill from there. Die-hard fans are furious with both the Cubbies and the Sox due to the fact th...
CHICAGO-After nearly a century of blissful failure in their marriage, the city of Chicago and their beloved Cubbies may be coming apart at the baseball seams. Threats of divorce with no settlement are always a bad sign when the bickering couple ha...
"We're tired of complaining!" cried a male resident of Imperial County, Calif., responding to a recent outbreak of a not-seen-before 'Complaining Virus' that afflicted citizens of the surrounding towns. The virus was highly contagious and spread f...
Chicago Cubs owner Tom Ricketts did not awake to find a goat's head in his bed. No, the poor animal's head was delivered in a box to the Wrigley Field offices. This makes Wrigley Field the "Field of Nightmares." As far as known, Don Vito Corleo...
Representatives of the Chicago Cubs front office broke up a ceremony near Wrigley Field Monday, fearing the results might adversely affect the team's famous curse. Fans then unleashed a new wave of curses, the likes of which haven't been heard at...
Thomas S. Ricketts announced today the franchise of the Chicago Cubs are considering a league-switch which would radically affect Major League Baseball's current alignments. Ricketts is in negotiations with Major League Soccer to merge the Cubs f...
SAN FRANCISCO, CA-Following an 8-7 loss to the San Francisco Giants, their 67th of the season, Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella "snapped" according to witnesses. Piniella cursed out the Cubs organization on the P.A. system before grabbing a case...
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