And Ted Cruz is leaving home once again! There’s a YUGE fucking blizzard taking down all of North America, including Texas where Gregg Abbott is getting a blowjob from someone who just jumped his wall (she may or may not be 18 and an orphan, and n…
CANCUN, Mexico - (Satire News) - Mexico's national news agency Las Maracas, reporter Tostada Del Toro, is reporting that "Lovebirds," Melania Trump, 52, and her much younger boyfriend, L.A. Lakers super star LeBron James,37, are having a ball down in…
Stephen Colbert said that Ted Cruz looked like a werewolf who got frozen in mid-change. I like jokes as much as the next werewolf, but this is going too far! Yes, Mr. Colbert, you have let the wolf out of the bag by revealing who Ted Cruz really i…
After Ted Cruz shot back at a British reporter that America was “… the safest country on Earth”, people haven’t stopped laughing, this reporter included. African-Americans, like George Floyd, are laughing at the senator. Indigenous Americans, Lati…
INDIANAPOLIS – (Sports Satire) – The Sports Bet Gazette has just announced that the winner of this year’s Indianapolis Taco Bell Balloon Race has been disqualified on grounds of cheating. SBG’s Zorro La Bamba reports that Thracker Magillafit, 62,…
PITTSBURGH – (Sports Satire) – A contingent of politicians, businessmen, and two matadors traveled from Cancun, Mexico to Pittsburgh to meet with Pirates owner Robert Nutting. The group of influential men had heard from watching ESPN-7, that he ma…
PALM BEACH, Florida – In a perfect example of the pot calling the kettle black, reports coming out of the Plywood State say that the man who turned out to be a one-term president, is furious at Senator Ted “I’m So Cold” Cruz. DJT told his BFF, Sea…
According to sources familiar with the Vermont Senator, Bernie Sanders has just won an award from a major fashion magazine with regards to the mittens he wore to President Biden's inauguration. According to the magazine, the Senator's mittens "happen…
PORTLAND, Oregon - The Moda Center, home of the league leading Portland Trailblazers has been quite a lively place lately. The Portland fans are some of the loudest in the entire NBA. Many visiting sportswriters say that they have to use earplu...
OAK BROOK, Illinois - McDonald's the fast food franchise that brought you the McEnchiladas and the McSushi has just developed another in a line of extraordinary menu items. Company Spokeswoman Nancy Zabeletta stated that for the past seven months...
CANCUN, Mexico - Soccer star Javier Hernández Balcázar, AKA Chicharito flew down to Cancun for a few days. When he arrived he was immediately asked where his British girlfriend Cheryl Cole was. He replied that she was in Manhattan filming a pantyh...
PHILADELPHIA - Taylor Swift was standing on stage at The Cracked Liberty Bell Arena after having conducted a pre-concert sound check. She met with several reporters who all wanted to know about the latest gossip regarding her and Tim Tebow, quarte...
CANCUN, Mexico - American Idol judge Jennifer Lopez and her new love interest Caspar Smart were down in sunny Mexico frolicking flirtatiously on the beach as they enjoyed their stay at The Olé Toro Resort Hotel. J.Lo whose personality has become e...
CANCUN, Mexico - The two stars of the hit show The Vampire Diaries Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder were recently down in Cancun, Mexico taking a much needed break from all of the hustle and bustle of LaLaLand. Dobrev and Somerhalder stayed at the...
CANCUN - Missy Rimshot and Connie Plunge, freshmen coeds at the University of Virginia, promised their mom and dad that they would refrain from drink and promiscuous behavior if they were allowed to join their friends in Cancun over semester break.
TUCSON - The Arizona Plane and Passenger Watchers Federation has just fined Trans Latin American Airlines, which is based in Panama City, Panama, on account two of the flight attendants were serving Spanish Peanuts to the passengers. Sherman Flick...
CANCUN, Mexico - The Mayor of the Mexican resort city of Cancun, Cipriano Masa-Trigo has ordered that the beaches of Cancun be shut down. Masa-Trigo said that overnight sand thieves managed to steal about 300 dump truck loads of refined white beac...
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