The BoE Governor, Andrew Bailey, has a duty to inform the Chancellor whenever national finances aren’t on track, but a leaked copy reveals ‘Could we perhaps reverse things and instead I’ll write when things are looking better? That means I won’t have…
High Court Sheriff enforcers have been hired to seize goods to the value of £1,765,287,432,177.59 after creditors lost faith in the UK's ability to service the national debt. Officials have just 24 hours to pay at least £800 billion by chip-and-pi...
The unthinkable has happened to our fair island and we're not talking about the three consecutive days of sun we've had. The UK has cut the interest rates to 0.25% we hit the streets and asked "normal" people what they thought about the cuts. Mike...
The new National Sperm Bank in Birmingham is to have "night deposit boxes" and sperm withdrawal A.T.M machines like any other bank, a spokesperson for the N.S.B told our sperm welfare staff this morning. Nasty letters will be sent out to customer...
Furious upon learning that her likeness would appear on 10-pound Bank of England notes, Ms. Austen determined she would take action to express her displeasure. "Kinda cheap," Jane reportedly complained, spreading the word that she had expected...
It has been confirmed that a Comedian will replace Tubbs from the League of Gentlemen-lookalike Mervyn King as the Governor of the Bank of England. In a surprise move the Chancellor announced the unknown Comedian as the new head, before adding tha...
After months of speculation the identity of the next governor of the Bank of England has been revealed as Olly Murs. George Osborne stunned the city by announcing that Olly Murs, the runner-up in the sixth series of The X Factor in 2009, will repl...
New York - "In central banking stature terms the man's a midget," the CEO of First Moneylaundering Gnomes of Zurich Bank [USA] Inc said today as news of Mark Carney's appointment broke, "probably only got the Canadian job for keeping his mouth shut a...
Ex Government Austerity Minister Sir Peregrine Partridge-Greenwelly has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act of 1983. Sir PG will undergo re-training at a psychiatric hospital in West London following a speech he made in Parliament on Thursday...
The Bank of England is worried about the public's lack of interest in its interest rates. With current rates of interest now at a historic 0.5 per cent low, "people are just not interested," said the Governor. "In fact, the public's level of inter...
The Bank of England has once again left UK interest rates unchanged and announced no expansion to its quantitative easing (QE) programme. Rates have now been held at the current record low for more than three years. "We're just not that bothere...
London - Last year's royal wedding hexed the economy and plunged the UK into double dip recession 'like wot satirists predicted back in 2008'. Today a new warning by the Bank of England Governor lays blame squarely on the Queen. The octogenaria...
Rumours that the Bank of England has taken to the Christmas spirit and donated its entire funds to charity are turning out to be partly true. Robin Hood and his merry men have diverted the Bank's funds to a number of 'good causes' by manipulation...
Most Britons were agitated today as they learned that the Bank of England issued a new fifty-pound note. In the height of the worst recession in history the government decided that this would be a great idea to unify Britons and prepare for the 201...
Caracas - The Venezuelan leader is hopping mad at reports that repatriation of the country's 211.35 tons of gold bullion has got off to an inauspicious start. The overnight 'disappearance' of HMS Iron Pyrites, a refurbished former Royal Navy sub c...
Following the announcement that CPI inflation in the UK in the 12 months to April was 4.5% per cent, the Bank has published a letter from the Governor to the Chancellor, as required by policy. The letter is reproduced below: Bank of England London EC2R 8AH The Rt Hon George Osborne Chancellor of the Exchequer HM Treasury 1 Horse Guards Road London SW1A 2HQ Dear Chancellor As you w...
The Bank of England's Monetary Policy Committee has once again resisted pressure to increase interest rates and so the record low of 0.5%. With all sectors experiencing a slowdown in growth, the MPC decided that it would be counter productive to f...
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