BALTIMORE – (Sports Satire) – Millions of Cowboys fans are wondering if the ‘boys are going to win another game this year. And the one who wonders that more than anyone else, is the team owner, Jerry “Damn, I'm Stressed” Jones. Jerry's wife ha…
Damascus, Syria - A video of a Baltimore mother head-slapping her feckless son for rampaging at the city's recent riots has been staged for prophet a leading Jihadi webshite has warned. "This fake Western propaganda fools no one," Mustapha Pee, m...
HOOTERS -- Former Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice has had his indefinite suspension from the NFL overturned, and is immediately eligible to punch NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell in the elevator of his office suite. "I just wanna get back to...
To honor Ray Rice, the Baltimore Ravens will be giving away bobble head dolls of the star running back's wife. The dolls come with extra springs to heighten the hitting experience. Mark Conn, Ravens promotions director, feels the freebies will giv...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama said that he is thrilled that the NFL football season is finally here. The commander-in-chief talked with Rufus Reno of Sports Balls Illustrated Daily and said that there is nothing he likes better than betting o...
Scientists discovered Joe Flacco's contract details in the new third radiation belt around Earth. Baltimore Ravens quarterback and Super Bowl winner Joe Flacco has gone into outer space with his new high water mark in payroll. His salary is out of...
In this age of too many TV channels, one can easily lose control of the remote and end up on an unexpected network. Opposite the Super Bowl, as usual, was Downton Abbey. Most of us can tell the difference between the deathly Dowager Countess and C...
NEW ORLEANS - National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell is alleging that the Super Bowl blackout that occurred during the third quarter of Super Bowl XLVII, between the Baltimore Ravens and the San Francisco 49ers, was caused by two well-kn...
Useless NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has released a statement, claiming that the blackout that crippled tonight's Super Bowl was Pre-planned. "We did say that blackout rules apply," says the Commissioner, whose heavy-handed, inane Commissioneri...
NFL At Super Bowl XLVII: "The Secondary Sucks, And It Is Your Fault." Unnamed sources close to NFL scapegoat-finder / Commissioner Roger Goodell says that he will be issuing a statement tomorrow blaming the shitty play of the cornerbacks and safet...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Las Vegas oddsmakers have the San Francisco 49ers as 3½ point favorites over the Baltimore Ravens in Super Bowl XLVII (47). Sports Balls Illustrated Daily is reporting that more money will be bet on this year's Super Bowl than i...
BOSTON - It took her ten days, but New England Patriot's wide receiver Wes Welker's wife, Anna has finally issued an apology to Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis. Mrs. Welker, 32, made the apology through Dottie Bazooka a reporter with Sports...
NEW ORLEANS - The Super Bowl Committee has just announced that it has banned Norte Dame football player and Internet hoax participant Manti Te'o from appearing at Super Bowl XLVII in New Orleans. A committee spokesperson identified as Ebenezer Buc...
CHICAGO - The word out of the Windy City is that New England Patriot Tom Brady's wife, Gisele Bundchen is alleged to be in hiding somewhere in the jungles of Honduras. Sports Territory Magazine is reporting that the quick-tempered South American e...
As Oliver Hardy often said to Stan Laurel, "Here's another fine mess…" The Dirty Birds won. The Ravens played for the stuff that dreams are made of…and as Humphrey Bogart told us in the Maltese Falcon, you end up with egg on your face-or dead.
FOXBORO, Massachusetts - Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily stated that the way the Ravens crushed the Patriots, 28-13, the team from Clam Chowder Country looked more like Cub Scouts than Patriots. The birds from Baltimore flew into th...
BRENTWOOD, California - Gisele Bünchen, the outspoken wife of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, was lying out by the pool at their $20 million mansion, which she named Casa Touchdown. The infamous underwear model was speaking with Dottie Bazooka of...
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