Dear Sir, I ham fighting through you on beehive of a much misunderstood grope off scufflers, mainly, hose hoot stupor from the friction whereby hay displace random herds with other swords witch either luck or wound a skittle bit scimitar. As ewe mustard seed, I amble cone of these importunates myself. Theseus hiss a moused perspexing disorder, being very scuttle hand mafeking the shuffler se...
Sam Stone claimed he fell into Mitt Romney's pocket by accident about two years ago. Nobody noticed he was gone, because Sam is himself homeless. "Damned deep pockets!!" complained Sam at the LA Homeless Shelter in downtown LA. I was just checking...
The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence (how else could they look? did you ever hear of such a thing as a noisy look?). At length the caterpillar took the hookah pipe out of its mouth, and spoke to Alice in a languid drawl ('I've never been in a languid drawl before', thought Alice; 'it really is rather uncomfortable'). 'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar. Thi...
Triumphant Scottish National Party leader Alex Salmond has been tipped to make his debut on the West End stage in a new production of "Alice In Wonderland". After seeing his party make major gains in the Scottish elections to such an extent that a...
A dreadful fate seems to have befallen Twilight movie stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, writes Andy Marvel, Celebrity Metaphysics Correspondent. The toothsome twosome have been on the crest of a celebrity wave ever since the movie franch...
Tim Burton's new 3-D(isney) version of Winnie-The-Pooh starring Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp and Johnny Depp, stars Johnny Depp as Johnny Depp in a gothic Tig...
The Odeon Cinema chain will not show the new Tim Burton, Disney version of Alice in Wonderland in their cinemas in Britain, Ireland and Italy because of a dispute over the timing of the films DVD release. The Odeon cinema group have apparently tol...
Two leading UK cinema chains have elected to boycott screening Disney's 3D blockbuster 'Alice In Wonderland' in a dispute over DVD release dates. Disney want to release the film on DVD after 12 weeks as opposed to the regular 17 weeks - which in t...
Jedward the two strange creatures who appeared in the X factor are to appear in a remake of the film Alice in Wonderland. They are apparently going to play Tweedledum and Tweedledee singing the Walrus and the Carpenter. Gordon Brown is to play th...
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