It is the televisual event viewers have been begging for. Not seen since 2011, Celebrity Worms In Their Eyes returns for a new series on ITV3 this weekend, and it is a treat. Matthew Kelly had his restraining order lifted especially to film the pr…
Terrible summer blockbuster 'The End' is due to hit cinema's this week and critics are already panning the film with respected popcorn cruncher Roger Ebert describing it as 'just three hours of credits', albeit the most thrill inducing, stomach churning, tear jerking, laugh out loud three hours of credits ever. German director Uwe Schmitz retorted that 'yes it is three hours of rolling credits, bu...
Dear Sir, I live in the countryside (I hope to move into a house soon) and I feel I must put pen to paper (not that I have a pen, or any paper, but you must humour my whim I fear). Now I am lost for words. It's all the brackets. That's what stymied me with the algh, the aljibrae, the algiebrar, the maths at school. I got bewildered by brackets. I always reckoned when I wrote my arto, orto, a...
Dig this, gardening expert Alan Titchmarsh has been recruited as the top celebrity to take part in Channel 4's Reality TV contest 'The Village' in Wharfedale. "Looking round Grassington, I've noticed that some of the residents need a bit of a rake...
DON'T SUFFER IN SILENCE! DON'T BOTTLE IT UP! LET IT ALL OUT! "Readers Problems Answered" Is Here To Help With This Week's Guest Editor: Radical Poetic Innovator and Author of The Waste Land T S ELIOT T S Eliot didn't bottle it all up! He let it all out! Had he been a bottler-up, the world might never have seen The Dry Salvages or Ash Wednesday or Sweeney Agonistes (There's a lot to...
Breaking news: Katie Price has finally arrived! The uber breasted former topless model and pissed up party tramp has really hit the big time with a guest appearance on The Alan Titchmarsh Show. Alongside Christine Hamilton, who once made a drunken...
Petite but curvy, feisty and formerly naughty in a wasted middle-class way pop singer Lily Allen has cemented the evolution of her image by becoming the latest unlikely figure to climb Mount Everest yesterday, writes Hilary Tensing, Chief Gobshite.
London - (Larkspur): A filthy rumor on the internet has compared politicians' wives' erotic skills in the mixed herbacious flower beds. Samantha Cameron and Miriam Clegg have both been pollinated by legendary TV horticultural pundit Alan Titchmars...
Your roving reporter was rudely awoken this morning at 11:15 am, whilst attempting to sleep off a skin-full by a phone call. A raspy hissing voice told me that there was a story that I couldn't afford to miss out on. Intrigued, I wrote down the di...
Housewives favourite Alan Titchmarsh is set to cause a stir in when he poses nude in Gardener's Bird. The 57 year veteran broadcaster will show his water features in the magazine's 75th anniversary issue. Titchmarsh, who insists his surname is...
What was supposed to be a routine cooking item on gardening ace Alan Titchmarsh's UK afternoon magazine show descended into the realms of farce today as Afro-Caribbean-Brummie madcap cook Rusty Lee attempted to make home made sausages. For Caribbe...
The Pope was reported to be 'seriously pissed off' tonight after the BBC's 'Changing Rooms' team descended on the Vatican Museums and used graffiti cleaning chemicals to 'clean up' the Raphael Rooms and the Sistene Chapel. "This is a disgrace!" on...
Pakistan today threatened to cut off all diplomatic relations with Britain if plans to screen 'Ground Force' on a Pakistani cable TV channel go ahead. The objections are believed to be based on Ground Force's Charlie Dimmock's nipples, and the fac...
A controversy is controversing like buggery today over plans by retail giant, B&Q, who according to reports being reported, is planning to ban the sale of gardening implements. A spokesman for the DIY chain commented: "Gardening gear can be...
Housewives favourite Alan Titchmarsh has recently been voted in as the new chairman of his local vice-club.
There were ugly scenes at last night's BBC self-congratulatory event, 100 Years of BBC Gardening, when a gang of rebel TV chefs mounted the podium, and demanded the release of their lead...
The nation's favourite gardener, Alan Titchmarsh, is today being linked to the other Cheeky Girl; you know the one that isn't shagging MP Lembit Opik.
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