A new Biden appointed government commission determined that there was no foul play in President Lincoln's death. The Lincoln Memorial is gong to be converted into a monument to Joe Biden to help erase false memories of "conspiracy theories" regardin…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – One thing about being a US president or vice-president are the nice little monetary perks that come with the office. For example, President Abraham Lincoln sold the rights to his name to the Lincoln Logs Toy Comp…
Police and emergency services in the Black Hills, South Dakota, were called out to deal with potential casualties this morning, after an incident at Mount Rushmore left the world-famous site reduced to a pile of rubble. The location is known for t…
It's been announced in the last few minutes, that police in the Black Hills have apprehended and arrested a man carrying a quantity of dynamite in the area of Mount Rushmore. The man was said by witnesses to be a Native American indian, and looked…
BILLINGSGATE POST: First it was Confederate generals. Next it was Christopher Columbus and Junipero Serra. Revisionist wackos are now talking about nuking Mount Rushmore, where the busts of Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt were ca...
Disneyland. Anaheim, CA. After nearly six decades as one of the most thought-provoking exhibits at Walt Disney's Anaheim theme park, the popular Audio-Animatronic presentation known as "Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln" will be replaced sometime this...
The White House. 24 minutes ago. Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders called reporters to the Briefing Room a short time ago to announce that President Donald J. Trump had issued another celebrity-championed posthumous pardon. Today's recipient was...
A writer on the satirical news website TheSpoof.com has revealed how he 'aches' to write a story on US politics, but is prevented from doing so by his complete lack of knowledge on the subject. Moys Kenwood, 54, says he knows who Donald Trump is,…
The following is a transcript from Donald Trump's speech at Gettysburg, October 22, 2016. Gettysburg, PA--Eleven score and seven gropes ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived by libertines, and dedicated to the pro...
The 16th president of the U.S. may be known as "Honest Abe," but he's been hiding a secret room behind his face on Mount Rushmore. The room is not accessible to the public, but through the use of long-distance, super duper X-ray technology, an int...
Upon reading an article in a national newspaper stating that Abraham Lincoln was the one responsible for starting federal income tax, angered Americans across the country began a hate campaign against all memorabilia of the formerly beloved President...
She's smarter than Abraham Lincoln (I. Q. 128), Bill Clinton (I. Q. 137), Napoleon Bonaparte (I. Q. 145) Sigmund Freud (I. Q. 156), Benjamin Franklin (I. Q. 160), and even Stephen Hawking (I Q. 160). Three-year-old Alice Amos, of the United Kingdom (...
CHEYENNE, WYOMING - The Lincoln Highway, created in 1913 and stretching 3400 miles coast to coast, from New York to San Francisco, will be renamed Bob Marley Highway in a ceremony this summer at the highest point on the highway, Sherman Hill, located...
There was a brief moment of what can only be described as pandemonium yesterday near the Lincoln Memorial at Washington's National Mall. A man claiming to be Jesus of Nazareth was seen to walk barefoot across the Reflecting PooL scene of many a p...
HEAVEN--In a tweet sent from heaven yesterday, Abraham Lincoln announced: "Watching the Party of Me turn into the party of Steve King and Don Young. Am switching to the other side, till my side gets its shit together." The founder of the modern Re...
KEYSTONE, South Dakota - A fact finding team comprised of three South Dakota state senators recently traveled to the Black Hills town of Keystone, South Dakota. They visited the Mount Rushmore National Memorial, site of the colossal presidential s...
Keystone, South Dakota - The Mount Rushmore National Memorial was severely damaged last night by a missile fired by a US military drone. The attack apparently was commissioned by Congress in what is now being called "a clerical error." "Our bad,"...
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