Tallahassee, FL - The dry crumble of a hollow, sunken skull gnashing its teeth could be heard this afternoon as Tyrese Jackson and Lasanthe Robinson fought bitterly over the privilege of enjoying the back seat of a South Tallahassee district school b...
Johnny Boy has been decapitated by an unseen hand. Lola of the luscious lips has disappeared in mysterious circumstances. Buck and Nick were swallowed up by a trapdoor, and although we know they're okay, the others don't. The others have found themselves in a charnel house, a house of horrors so loathesome it makes the house in 'Texas Hacksaw Massacre' look like the average person's Gran'...
We last saw Buck and Nick surviving a vicious inbred mutant hoodie zombie attack in the bowels of the earth. In a sewer. Which they were unwittingly swallowed up by. Thanks to a fusillade of hot lead from Buck's Colt 45 Navy Special and Nick's .357 Magnum. As they wade through the ankle deep sewage, with rats scampering all around, Nick taps Buck on the shoulder with some urgency. "I have...
Johnny Boy is dead. He has been decapitated for no apparent reason. By some mysterious hand. His head lies some three feet away from his body. His blood seeps into the floorboards. "We have a problem here people," Abel Zorro Rodriguez says through gritted teeth. "It looks like Johnny Boy has bit the bullet. In short, he's a bit dead." "And we have serious continuity problems here...
Glendale, California - They're back. Well at least for a few minutes anyway before they were all dispatched back to the netherworld from which they originated. I am, of course, talking about "The International 'Thriller' Tributary Dance Troop" that m...
As the rain hammers down on the lifeless body of the San Francisco Onion, an anomaly occurs. As the water pounds his remaining hair, plastering it to his cold, dark, dead skull he appears to stir slightly. Or is it just the howling wind? As we focus on his lifeless face, with skin as green as any of his Utopian philosophical takes on life, suddenly, and scaring the absolute crap out of every...
"Those Tacos were delicious, Mr the J-Man," Nick says. "Look and learn," the J-Man says. He leaves the room and comes back hefting a huge suitcase. "My, that's a big one," Lola says, borrowing a line from a Dirty Harry movie. "Yes, I know that," the J-Man says. "But let's just concentrate on the suitcase. For now..." His gaze wanders to Fran's damp cleavage, and then to Angie's damp cl...
"Boy, are we glad to see you, whoever you are. Shit, I already know who you are. What the hell am I talking about here? You're Abel Zorro Rodriguez, master swordsman and defender of the truth. Glad you showed up when you did Abel." "I'm not glad," says Madame Bitters. Johnny Boy has rolled off her and she feels unfulfilled, like she's been cheated. Angie can't think straight. Her nipples are...
The author of popular satirical website TheSpoof.com Magazine article, 'Inbred Mutant Hoody Zombie Teen Stalk 'N' Slash Massacre' has been rushed to hospital suffering from a totally out of control case of the 'vapours' Not being entirely certain...
"Oh forget it," Todd sulks. He's pissed because Buck has been making the beast with two backs with his girlfriend, Angie. "I already did," Buck says. "She looked goddamned jam hot in that damp tee-shirt. But she's just a kid really. She needs to do some pelvic floor exercises and work on tightening her grip. If you get my drift." "You bastard!" Angie gasps. "Did I come at an inconvenie...
"You had sex?" Fran says. "Oh my God!" "Oh yeah," Lola purrs. "It was like a baby's arm clutching an apple. My God, whoever he was he had the right moves." "So what happened to him?" Fran asks, leading her friend to a seat. "I don't know," Lola says. "But if he wants some more I'm definitely up for it." Todd looks on as a fire burns in his soul. His girlfriend is in bed with Buck, the...
The two dead zombies have been removed. The six teens sit, hanging on every word issuing from the mouth of the grizzled warrior known to them only as Buck. Outside the camper, the storm rages. "What exactly is going on here?" Todd ventures. Buck doesn't hear. He's preoccupied with Angie's protruding bullet like nipples and the damp skimpy top covering them. He's thinking of whipped cre...
Camp Gruesome Death: night. "What the hell is this?" Angie, the chick with the mightily impressive top set says as she returns to the camper. In her damp, incredibly revealing tee-shirt. "Why is there a skinned Inbred Mutant Hoody Zombie hanging upside down from a rope in the doorway of our camper?" The man known as the Captain, Morse, could possibly have answered the question. But, having m...
The teens park the camper in an open space by a lake. The storm continues unabated. Thunder rumbles ominously, and lightning bolts scar the night sky. Todd is concerned. This is nothing new. Todd is always concerned about something or other. At this point in time he is concerned because his girlfriend, Angie, who really wants to sing 'I Will Survive' by Gloria Gaynor on a karaoke machine somewh...
Todd screws his eyes up to see whatever he can pick out through the driving rain, which hammers down against the windscreen. Lightning rends the night sky. Thunder rumbles. Todd drives slowly. "If I don't get the chance to sing 'I Will Survive' after all that rehearsing, I'll go fucking postal," Angie whinges. Nick grunts distractedly. He can't get the image of a pool table, a girl wit...
There is a pregnant silence. A silence broken only by the rumble of thunder. The teens stare at the dead cat with the onion tied to its neck, as it lies inert on the floor. As dead things tend to do. Not surprisingly, the dead cat fails to move. "I wonder what his name was," Fran says in little more than a whisper, utilising a really bad plot device to illustrate the fact that she has a s...
Six teens, three guys, three girls in a camper van. Getting away from it all for the weekend in a remote part of the wild British countryside, where you're rarely more than a twenty minute drive from a fast food outlet. It's dark. There is no moon. The rain is hammering down so hard it's bouncing back up three feet or more in the headlight beams. It's like the monsoon has come to the UK.
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