A top London PR agent has sprung to the defence of Coleen and Wayne Rooney. They have been in the glare of the media spotlight since their trip to Dubai during which they have been seen knecking expensive champagne and generally living it up. A...
Saying 'from now on just call me "Inc",' $320K a week "lover" Wayne Rooney announced his name change at a press conference at a local high end exotic car dealership where he was 'window shopping." "Wayne Inc has a certain ring to it," said the smi...
Yes, Halloween is upon us once again. The night of the Witches is traditionally celebrated by children dressing up in scary costumes and then terrorising elderly neighbours into giving them their cash. But Halloween is also the time for the humble pumpkin to take centre stage. On October 31st this rarely eaten big berry suddenly becomes all the rage. Pumpkin pie, made from the leftovers after a...
Wayne Rooney has astounded his friends, family, Sir Alex Ferguson and the scientific community. In a completely selfless act, Rooney has donated his brain for medical research. Rooney said "They gave me some forms to put me mark on, saying they co...
MANCHESTER, England - The 22-year-old football sensation from Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico, Javier Hernandez Balcazar is being hailed as one of the best young talents to come around in a long time. "Chicharito" or little pea, as he is called first...
While they've been sunning themselves in Dubai, Wayne and Coleen Rooney have obviously been under scrutiny. The couple are trying to patch up their marriage and Wayne needs to get his head together after last week's bizarre series of events in whi...
A private clinic in the North-West confirmed today that England striker Wayne Rooney is to receive a new set of testicles from an un-named donor, believed to be a Lithuanian labourer. Dr Bungiton Farmyardarea of the exclusive Prestbury Clinic was...
Germany - (Fishy Tales): "We found him belly up this morning," dismayed staff at the Sea Life Oberhausen Aquariuam said today, "an Octoplasm News magazine story about Wayne and Coleen's wedding prenup in his withered tentacle." Paul the psychic c...
Not to be outdone by the Daily Mail and other such high quality journals, The Bollocks News Agency will be covering the Rooney's hols in Dubai, in all the lurid detail one could ever possibly want. Whilst we can't run to the expense of sending a repo...
Football star Wayne Rooney is establishng a second career for himself. He is setting out to be a member of England's swimming team for the 2012 Olympics. Aided by his new coach, THOUGHT TO BE HIS WIFE, Wayne has had secret training sessions in Dub...
In yet another masterful PR stroke of genius, Wayne Rooney's Agent, Paul Stretford, claims Roo has forgone his $150k birthday bash, and is off to Helmut Province via Dubai 'to kick a Tali for Old Trafford' in an effort to quell a public outcry over...
Amid the media frenzied blitz on the sensational allegations which have not been proven about Wayne and his love of sheep there is disquiet at Lancaster gate that the public have forgotten Wayne likes a bit of pork. The grunting sound when he is...
Somewhat surprisingly, Wayne Rooney has cancelled his much publicised 90 grand birthday bash at the last minute. A close friend of Rooney said, "After the week's events, it turned out that the only people who still wanted to come were the Men In B...
At an exclusive press meeting in which I gained access, Rooney, dressed in an expensive Tommy Hilfiger track suit, said he wanted to stay at Utd and play "sexy football". Some femalejornos swooned and collapsed on hearing these words. Rooney repeate...
In a deal which will revolutionise the football world Wayne Rooney has bought Manchester United. 'It is about time players took over the Clubs' he told a Press Conference 'we have the know how and I have the money.' Several other players are li...
Wayne Rooney was crestfallen when informed that he would be losing all of the housing benefit payable on his 4.5 million house. The poor man flew into an uncontrollable rage, booting the dog up the arse and throwing the cat out of the window without...
There are seismic rumblings at the BBC Television Centre, in the wake of Wayne Rooney's decision to sign a new five year contract with Manchester United. It seems that senior BBC executives were convinced that Rooney's football career was over, in...
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