Days before an important by election cased by the humiliating resignations of the Lib Dem mainstay Chris Huhne the Prime Minister is to force Nick Clegg to explain why the UK joined Greece this week in becoming one of two first world countries where...
A new post, Offensive Minister, has been created by the Government as a result of public demand : the new Minister is to be Algernon Crapper MP for Littlehumpton - a man who will imbue confidence into his Post. In an announcement Crapper stated t...
Under new plans from The Department of Work and Pensions, part-time workers could receive monthly statements telling them how much better off they would be if they increased their hours. They could also be sent texts telling them that working mor...
In yet another bold stroke to bring joy and happiness to our fair land, Davy Cameron announced today that Ant and Dec have been appointed as the government's latest Czars; their role, to cheer up the nation. Cammy stressed, in a jocular manner and...
Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls made a public announcement today, advising "anybody who votes for the Conservative Party is gay. Me and little Ed and all the boys decided at Ed's house yesterday so now you all have to be on our side, otherwise you're gay.
Bookies in the UK are now taking a more level headed approach to the Jimmy Savile inquiry and are offering the following odds in the case. Odds Against politicians appearing in the dock on paedophilia charges resulting from inquiry. (1) One politician appearing.... 33/1. (2) Two politicians appearing... 50/1. (3) More than two... 1000/1. (4) Member of the cabinet appearing...2000/1. (5)...
As if competing in some hideous competition for the ultimate accolade of, "Imbeciles Of The Century" the Government, or what passes for one, have announced yet another barnstorming money wasting idea. Seemingly,Do-nothing-Dave and his follically c...
Earlier today a near riot broke out in the House of Commons. Pandemonium was unleashed when MP for Paddington North, Rory O'Hare, tabled a motion that sought to prevent Freemasons from standing for political office. O'Hare made the proposal on the...
"Minister Without A Clue" Ken Clarke has admitted that he finds his new job "Mysterious and Baffling". Which is exactly what we felt about his previous role in government as well. Ken said: "I'm a Minister without portfolio, but what does it mean?...
A source in the Government has revealed that persons high up in the treasury have lost all the UK gold resources spread betting them away on the Facebook share offering. "We thought we could gamble our way out of debt with 80% used buying the shar...
After yet another abortive attempt by Andrew Mitchell to use the main vehicle gate into Whitehall, the two sides of the Gate Gate conflict have have been outlining their next move. The police have reiterated their determination not to open the Big...
The newly appointed leader of the British Plebs Independent Party (BLIP) has accused the government of using insulting language to attempt to undermine Blip's growth. Joe Prole, Blip's charismatic top man, issued a stinging rebuke to Adrian Mitche...
Monday 10th September Topic: Ed Balls - Labour - Nick Clegg - Vince Cable Headline "Labour would govern with the Lib Dems "today" if they dumped Nick Clegg for Vince Cable, Ed Balls has declared." Source: The Sun Extract: In a mischievous move, the shadow Chancellor heaped praise on the left-leaning Business Secretary to split the struggling Libs Dems. He said Dr Cable "put his country firs...
Prime Minister David Cameron has today announced the new members of his cabinet. Out go the old, and in come the, er, old, into jobs they know nothing about, mainly to afford them a substantial increase in salary and pension contributions between now...
Prime Minister David Cameron has today confirmed his cabinet reshuffle. At a press conference early this morning, attend mainly by members of the press, Mr Cameron confirmed that his old cabinet had been effectively "thrown out the window of numbe...
Dear Constituents I have had a very busy week and it's all because I launched Kelpileaks. The KelpiLeaks "Bullshit and Disinformation File" is clearly the most popular section and I already have such a fast growing network of volunteers feeding in 5 Star Bullshit that I was thinking of recalling Anthea (my PA) from her holiday in Faliraki (which is somewhere in Greece) to deal with the respo...
Dear Constituents I have had a very busy week trying to find reasons not to stay in the house. This is partly due to trying to avoid my wife who is constantly asking when we intend to go and visit her mother in Macclesfield. Apparently (quote): "September is nearly on us, autumn is around the corner, the schools will be going back, half term will soon be upon us, Guy Fawkes night is waitin...
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