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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E 14th Jan 2012 - with comments

Nottingham News for W/E 14th Jan 2012 - with comments

7th Jan 2012: 22 year-old Burglar Sentenced for 42 break-ins Category: Crime 'This is Nottingham' Damian Foster (22) from Bulwell, has been found guilty of 42 house burglaries, 39 of them on pensioners homes in the Bulwell and Basford areas of Nottingham. Defence Council Tarquin Churchman asked for leniency for Foster, pointing out he had been raised by a single parent, and was hoping to fin...

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Funny story: The news doesn't have to be bad.

The news doesn't have to be bad.

I stopped reading the news for quite some time because it was depressing. But then I didn't know any current events and my friends found me boring. And I found that depressing. So I decided to read the news again, with a few changes to make it more positive. For example, every time I saw the words 'killed' or 'murdered', I would change them to 'masturbated'. As in, five people were mastu...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E 7th Jan 2012 - with comments

Nottingham News for W/E 7th Jan 2012 - with comments

1st Jan 2012: A ceremony to remember those who lost their lives as a result of violent crime in Nottinghamshire is held Category: Crime - Remembrance - Service 'The Mansfield Chad' Nottinghamshire Police fully supported the memorial service, which was held at St Andrew's Church, Mansfield Road, Nottingham. The service which included songs, readings and poems to promote 'togetherness' and 's...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E 31 Dec 2011 - with comments

Nottingham News for W/E 31 Dec 2011 - with comments

25 Dec 2011: Drunk driver left 'housebound' by ban for being over the limit Category: Crime 'This is Nottingham' A disabled pensioner claimed he would be left "housebound" once banned from driving after being found drunk at the wheel. Neil Craig, 69, of Raglan Court, Beeston, is the third driver to be named and shamed in the Post's Christmas anti-drink driving campaign, 'None for the Road'.

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Funny story: Top Ten Rundown - Most Annoying News Items From 2011

Top Ten Rundown - Most Annoying News Items From 2011

Many things annoy us, from women leaving the toilet seat down, public transport, the price of fuel and annoying junk mail, to women who complain you left the toilet seat up, family members who come visiting and never quite seem to know when it's time they fucked off, taxes, computer viruses and people who talk absolute bollocks about subjects they know nothing about. Here's our chart rundown of...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E 24 Dec 2011 - with comments

Nottingham News for W/E 24 Dec 2011 - with comments

19 Dec 2011: Nottingham Police launch a crackdown after increase in burglaries Category: Crime 'Nottingham Evening Post' Police have launched a crackdown on burglaries after a rise in offences in Nottingham. In October, Home Office National statistics from June 2010 to June 2011 showed that the number of burglaries had fallen. They fell by 32% or nearly 3,000 fewer victims. But in October...

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Funny story: Lack Of News Shocks Newspaper Bosses

Lack Of News Shocks Newspaper Bosses

Newspaper bosses were left shocked today when absolutely no news occurred anywhere in the world. It is believed to be the least newsworthy day since the 12th of April 2811 BC, which saw just a single news report - a Stonehenge builder accidentally dr...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E 18 Dec 2011 - with comments

Nottingham News for W/E 18 Dec 2011 - with comments

15 Dec 2011: Armed robbers made off with cash after raiding a post office in Nottingham 'Nottingham Today' Two men wearing scarves over their faces entered the shop in Hucknall Road, Sherwood, at 11.10am on Wednesday and demanded money. Witnesses say that one of the men was carrying a gun. The pair made off with a quantity of cash in a grey bag and fled the scene in a stolen Black Audi A3...

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Funny story: Nottingham News for W/E 10 Dec 2011 - with comments

Nottingham News for W/E 10 Dec 2011 - with comments

3 Dec 0211: Ambulance paramedic 'Inhaled laughing gas' while at the wheel The Nottingham Evening Post He was based in Derbyshire, has now been suspended from the Health Professions Council register for misusing Entonox while on duty. ​Entonox is a mixture of nitrous oxide - or laughing gas - and oxygen, and is also known as "gas and air". "You've got to laugh!" 3 Dec 0211: Police need...

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Funny story: BBC Issue a list of locations to avoid in news reports

BBC Issue a list of locations to avoid in news reports

The BBC have issued guidelines of place names to avoid in news reports due to an increasingly sensitive viewing public. "A few years ago," said Mark Thompson, Director General of the BBC, "We could say what we liked on the news, and nobody dared c...

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Funny story: Political News for W/E 26th Nov 2011 - with comments

Political News for W/E 26th Nov 2011 - with comments

20 Nov 2011: Ministers deny claims of cutting clinical jobs in NHS The Guardian The main nursing union was embroiled in a furious row with ministers last night after claiming that 58,000 doctors, nurses, midwives and other NHS staff have lost or are due to lose their jobs, despite David Cameron's pledge to protect front line health workers from the brunt of the cuts. Analysis by the Royal...

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Funny story: Political News for W/E 20 Nov 2011 - with comments

Political News for W/E 20 Nov 2011 - with comments

14 Nov 2011: Care may suffer - admits private company taking over NHS hospital! The Observer Uproar as Circle Health confirms in document that critics' unease about patients is justified. The first private company to take over an NHS hospital has admitted in a document seen by the 'Observer' that patient care could suffer under its plans to expand its empire and seek profit from the health s...

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Funny story: Mississippi "Personhood" Plebiscite Rejected

Mississippi "Personhood" Plebiscite Rejected

Jackson - In a rare and unprecedented show of moxie, Mississippi voters turned back a referendum establishing life at acquaintance, as well as denying all forms of contraception except abstinence, solitary confinement, jerkin the gherkin and spousal...

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Funny story: Political News for W/E 6 Nov 2011 - with comments

Political News for W/E 6 Nov 2011 - with comments

1 Nov 2011: Jack Straw took undeclared cash from car insurance industry The former Labour cabinet minister Jack Straw was paid £5,000 by the motor insurance industry for a speech and question-and-answer session - a payment he did not declare when amendments affecting such firms were tabled last week. Well, I am surprised! 1 Nov 2011: Cuts to education, benefits and pensions Likely to lea...

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Funny story: Rupert Murdoch Unveils Fake News Channel

Rupert Murdoch Unveils Fake News Channel

ALBANY, NY. - Hoping to capitalize on the burgeoning demand for truth-impaired media, Rupert Murdoch today launched the Fake News Channel (FNC), featuring 100% fake, fabricated, forged, concocted, spurious, fictitious, bogus, false, fraudulent, contr...

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Funny story: Interesting News for October 2011

Interesting News for October 2011

Selected by the lesser endowed Senior Citizen in Nottingham, who suffers from adoxography, cardiac failure, arthritis, and impecuniousness. Turning Your Clocks Back How about the task for 60 year old Pauline West, and her 67 year old husband has a collection of 40,074 clocks in the house! The couple spend up to an hour every evening tending to the wind-up clocks. They buy batteries in bulk...

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Funny story: This Week in Politics Ode - 30 Oct 2011

This Week in Politics Ode - 30 Oct 2011

Cameron made to apologise for "grossly offensive" Hillsborough remarks, pity, He believes the lower order folk are full of superfluity, Until election time, when he requires our vote and comity, Shows you how he makes it easy for us to show him our reprehensibility! Damian Green - Britain's Immigration Minister, said: "Immigration has been too high", he's not notice before,? another...

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