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Funny satire stories about London 2012

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Funny story: West Ham lose Olympic Stadium Bid

West Ham lose Olympic Stadium Bid

West Ham United learnt today that they will not become tenants of the Olympic Stadium after the completion of the 2012 London Olympics. A study carried out by the London Sport & Tourism Executive concluded that West Ham's history of poor resul...

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Funny story: London 2012: Team GB 'will win 27 golds at Olympics' says local man

London 2012: Team GB 'will win 27 golds at Olympics' says local man

Team GB will win 27 gold medals at the Olympic Games, by far its largest haul in a century, according to an Irishman who drinks in a pub opposite the Olympic Site. Seamus O'Derekson, 49, from Bow Road, East London, says he plucked the figure out o...

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Funny story: Terrorist arrested after a tip off by refuse collection man

Terrorist arrested after a tip off by refuse collection man

A terrorist working for Basque Separatists was caught after attempting to dispose of depleted uranium in his wheelie bin in Leeds. "We've seen some right stuff chucked away we have," said bin man of forty years, Adam Chapel. "I've seen somebody ch...

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Funny story: Tourette Man to be Voice of London's Tube during Olympics

Tourette Man to be Voice of London's Tube during Olympics

London Underground have chosen a Tourette's syndrome sufferer to voice all their station and train announcements throughout the two weeks of this year's Summer Olympics. In conjunction with the London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games (LOC...

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Funny story: Met Police Vow To Apprehend London Underground Mutant Psycho Vampire Cannibal Serial Killer Before The 2012 Olympics

Met Police Vow To Apprehend London Underground Mutant Psycho Vampire Cannibal Serial Killer Before The 2012 Olympics

In breaking news which broke when nobody had hitherto been aware there was a problem, the Metropolitan Police today issued a statement acknowledging that there is a mutant psycho vampire cannibal serial killer prowling the London Underground network,...

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Funny story: Christ on a bike to compete for Team GB at the Olympics

Christ on a bike to compete for Team GB at the Olympics

Legendary prophet and son of God, Jesus Christ is the latest in the line of 'Plastic Brits' to sign up for Team GB at the 2012 London Olympics. The Messiah has shown an interest in several sports in his time spent in the afterlife and has recently...

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Funny story: Transsexuals have to enter the Olympics as their birth gender

Transsexuals have to enter the Olympics as their birth gender

The Transsexual and Gay Alliance are up in arms this afternoon with the news that transsexuals cannot compete as their true gender, and instead will be forced to compete against those who share their birth gender. "This is highly sexist," said Que...

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Funny story: Microchipping of London 2012 hookers outsourced to Barking vets

Microchipping of London 2012 hookers outsourced to Barking vets

Isle of Dogs - The £2 million former NHS contract will see all available prostitutes working the lucrative London Olympics turf microchipped following extensive medical tests. Emergency legislation means the scheme can be extended from pet dogs, c...

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Funny story: Bombastic 2012 Olympics about to become the greatest, most expensive Olympics ever; of course they're in England!

Bombastic 2012 Olympics about to become the greatest, most expensive Olympics ever; of course they're in England!

England, better known as the UK, are about to launch their version of the Olympics onto an innocent world of sports fans who enjoy people running, jumping, swimming, cycling, riding horses, playing silly buggars in swimming pools, etc, etc. But there...

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Funny story: Vague Timing System to be used in the Olympics

Vague Timing System to be used in the Olympics

Scientists at Cambridge University have successfully lobbied the World Athletics Federation to adopt their new Vague Timing System as the official timing system of the Olympics. "With many countries having different timing mechanisms, we feel this...

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Funny story: Cameron Announces Lighter Evenings For London's 2012 Olympic Games!

Cameron Announces Lighter Evenings For London's 2012 Olympic Games!

The government announced today that Britain's clocks are to go forward by four hours from July 27 until August 12 this summer, during the London 2012 Olympic Games. The decision follows last week's announcement that the usual Sunday trading laws woul...

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Funny story: First details of Olympic route Torch bearers announced

First details of Olympic route Torch bearers announced

The first details of the route the Olympic torch will take, together with the torch-bearers carrying it, have been announced by the organising committee. It kicks off in Tottenham, pretty much like the riots, with Kevin Innit running through the s...

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Funny story: 2012 Games in Doubt

2012 Games in Doubt

Doubt is a small underground village at the centre of lead mines in Derbyshire, where the Pot-Holing competition is to be held. The course involves lying on your back on a floating plank, and stepping along the roof, whilst downing a pint of Pollard'...

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Funny story: Old Queen's 'Nice Little Earner' This Summer!

Old Queen's 'Nice Little Earner' This Summer!

With many British businesses being forced to reduce their prices by around 75% in order to get any customers through their doors at all, the latest news is that on Wednesday Culture Secretary Jeremy Hunt will be announcing the government's latest sna...

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Funny story: PM and QC brother Alexander Cameron 'to ride sidesaddle in Olympics donkey derby'

PM and QC brother Alexander Cameron 'to ride sidesaddle in Olympics donkey derby'

Cotswolds - The siblings will compete in the London 2012 Olympic Ass of the Year race over seven furlongs it was announced today. The new event in the Olympic Schedule has been described as made in heaven for the bruvvers after both showed some am...

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Funny story: 'Shaddap You Face' chosen as official Olympic Anthem!

'Shaddap You Face' chosen as official Olympic Anthem!

Sources have revealed that Blur have chosen to revamp the 1981 comedy hit 'Shaddap You Face' by Joe Dolce for the official theme of the London 2012 Olympics. Damon Allbran, a long time devotee of Dolce, is known to have wanted to cover the sidespl...

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Funny story: Olympics 'Mess' Right On Schedule says Boris Johnson

Olympics 'Mess' Right On Schedule says Boris Johnson

Cartoonish London Mayor and stereotyped upper class twat Boris Johnson has expressed his delight that plans for the London 2012 Olympics to turn into a mess of epic proportions are 'Right on Schedule'. Speaking to the press outside a heavily conge...

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