Lore! Speighk Mouses as he stanp aboven over hall peipule on his (it's) hell, clapping two timey baldy's with reel forfar and mites! Did thast not tillt that if thoi bayleaf yow wold seat yore wince troube saerfjour, adverturley? Goj walk special in evy dei und evvy weight. Him lies on sandy as a crator wretching him menanwomban frillock innernaround him gurrdjin. But thei shuld bay spayed on,...
Heaven (CNN) - Saying "Enough is enough," God yesterday released a statement making it clear that He is not creating images of The Virgin Mary, Jesus, any Saints, or any other sort of image in tree bark, rust stains, scars, Cheetos, reflections from...
CNN anchor Don Lemon and Decoded host Brad Meltzer discussed the possibility that God about the idea yesterday afternoon that God stole a Boeing 777. "Something "beyond our understanding" happened to Malaysia Airlines flight MH 370, that "somethin...
"It's the end of the Catholic church," the current Pope has admitted, after a water tight logic disproved the existence of a Christian God. After recent trials saw several priests convicted of child abuse, one lawyer summed up at the end with a ph...
Kayoss News Network recently ran into God while he was getting some yogurt at Menchies. We sat down and had a casual chat where he dropped a bombshell about his role in the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah KNN-Hey God, how you doing? G-Not bad, how about yourself? KNN-Allright. Do you come here often? I've never seen you here G-Yeah, this place is the shit. I wish I had thought of it...
David Silvester, became the second UKIP councillor to be suspended after saying something daft when he announced to the world that David Cameron's Gay Marriage Bill angered God so much that he flooded the south of England. In a rare interview, God...
A truck carrying sacks of flour overturned on the I-64 ramp as it exits onto I-65. It spilled its load onto the highway below, and the high winds that blew east south east served to spread the snowy white holiday cheer. Several lanes of traffic were...
NEW YORK - Following a series of verbal blunders, Terry Snogawd has resigned his post as chancellor of the First Atheist Not-church of America amid growing protest from a large number of the group's members. "Look, not one of us has been complete...
At a hastily convened press conference in Heaven today, a depressed supreme deity who goes by the aliases of God, Jehovah, Yahweh and Allah announced that he could no longer carry on and was taking early retirement. Speaking in tongues, including...
In an extraordinary revelation, Prime Minister David Cameron has described a recent visit he has had from God. 'It was an amazing mystical experience' he told journalists on the beach at a Cornish seaside resort. Eager hacks, including yours tr...
Christian churches, faced with declining memberships, have hit upon a new strategy for bringing in the sheaves: domestic discipline. The premise of the new program, Pastor Dave Spanky explained: "Spare the rod, and spoil the wife." The use of s...
HEAVEN-St. Peter released a statement today from God declaring that He is now an atheist. The statement read: "After spending years reviewing philosophical thought from the pre-Socratics to Plato to Aristotle, through the Stoics and the Skeptic...
According to Genesis God made man out of the dust of the earth and woman out of Adam's rib - not an especially impressive start. But in the thousands of years since then things have changed and so have we humans. In Adam's and Eve's time they only needed to wear fig leaves to survive the environment until you -know -who came along. Nowadays one almost needs a suit of armor. What would it be li...
HEAVEN--St. Peter announced today that heaven was going through a major restructuring and that Yahweh, CEO of Heaven since time immemorial, would be replaced by Shiva, known to his associates as "the Destroyer." Explained St. Peter: "Over the mil...
Satan has chalked one up in his eternal battle with God when it was revealed that his Facebook page has more subscribers than God's. "I quietly pleased," Satan admitted. "When I last looked I had twice the number of followers on Facebook, than God...
In a written statement today, God said He's tired of the "same old prayers" and asks that people come up with some new ones. "If I hear that 'Now I lay me down to sleep,' chestnut one more time, I'm gonna gag," God wrote. On a side note, 67-yea...
The Vatican has received Word from God that the Almighty is suing Pope Benedict XVI for breach of contract following the Pontiff's recent announcement that he will resign as head of the Catholic Church. Vatican lawyers received the news in an epip...
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