Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum stunned the political universe today as they announced they will combine their campaigns and run as one. "We will campaign and govern as Attila the Hun," stated Gingrich. A reporter from the Associated Press called...
I'm coming clean and you are the first to know. If you are a frequent Dating Dementia reader, you'll recall that I seldom remember my dreams. Scientists have established that everyone dreams. I'm sure I do. Yet, for some unknown reason, upon waking I remember nothing about the weird wanderings of my midnight mind. Ignorance is indeed bliss. My bliss bubble was popped early this morning...
Every good dog has his day, and Seamus Romney is finally feeling his alpha male oats. Seamus, the long-deceased Irish Setter who belonged to presidential hopeful Mitt Romney, became famous for one of the Romney family's annual summer road trips whic...
Mike Duke, President and CEO of the Wal-Mart Corporation held a news conference this morning and announced to a stunned press corps that his corporation will run for President of the United States! Duke started his statement by saying, "Corporatio...
Saying "You can't make this stuff up", Editor John Cleeson announced today The Spoof was changing its corporate model to one "based solely on real news stories" following what he called an "epidemic of crazy real batshit stuff from the States." "W...
Yesterday afternoon, Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum flabbergasted supporters at a campaign rally in western Arizona by discussing the often-taboo issue of mental health - including that of himself and the other presidential candidate...
CHARLOTTE, NC (ABSNN)-The City of Charlotte, North Carolina was looking forward to the 2012 Democratic National Convention that was to be held from September 3-6. An announcement that the convention would be scuttled is to be released by the par...
DALLAS, TX (ABSNN)-Ron Paul, Texas Congressman and Republican Presidential also-ran, burst into flames this morning while awaiting an interview with Today's Matt Lauer. His body was completely consumed while sitting in a make-up chair prior to the 9...
SCRANTON, PA --- A staffer to Republican Party presidential primary candidate, Rick Santorum thought it was only an Etch a Sketch he accidently left in a cab. Only, after entering the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company where his boss was to give a speech did he realize it was Santorum's entire 'playbook' for what he would do if elected President of the United States. Taxi driver, Julian Assange (no r...
Late last night while taking his regular "constitutional" (Gingrich's preferred term for his nightly moonlight strolls through the woods, the moniker he feels best demonstrates his passionate commitment to the civil rights propagated by our Founding...
A spokesperson for Rick Santorum has announced that if elected President, he intends to adopt the Biblical Cubit as the official unit of linear measurement for the United States. This change would encompass all U.S. Government Departments and Agenci...
President Obama finally came out and told the truth about ending oil lines from Canada, preventing drilling for more oil in the Gulf of Mexico and every other place that he can. "Above all, I'm an environmentalist", he told reporters today. "Look...
Mitt Romney went out of his way to show his audience yesterday that he was no Obama. "I'm no Barack Obama!", yelled Romney above the crowd roar! "I promise: No more stinking beer conferences! We need sober leaders, not people sitting around the Ro...
HARFOLD, Vt. - Rick Santorum has all but lost the always-important 18 to 105 year old bracket of male votes this week regardless of party ties. Both Republican and Democratic, as well as Independent, Green, Tea Party, Communist males reacted in horro...
Mitt Romney deflected reporters' incessant questions about Seamus, the family dog that he strapped to the car roof for a family vacation in 1983, by pointing out that he tied "Flatfoot" the family pet turtle under the sole of his shoe for the duratio...
The three remaining Republican candidates for President of the United States held a rare joint press conference his morning and issued a statement that most observers are saying will cut across all race, party, gender, income, and ethnic lines. The...
AMERICAN FORK, UTAH (ABSNN) - Quick to reap political hay in the wake of the stunning news that Mitt Romney was excommunicated by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the Mormons, presidential hopeful Rick Santorum began studies to co...
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