Representatives of Wal-Mart testified before Congress yesterday requesting $10 billion in bailout money. "Critics say that our business is striving, and that is true. I do not come here asking to bail out a company that is about to fail. "We a...
The Big Three automakers, General Motors, Ford and Chrysler, disclosed their new plan for using federal dollars to save the US auto industry. Sensitive to public perception after the incident where they flew in separate private jets, the three CEOs w...
President-elect Barack Obama and his team of economic advisers put forward a new proposal to bail out the ailing US economy. Since the original $700 billion bailout is not getting the job done, Obama proposes to up the bailout to "a Gajillion dollars...
New York, New York - Not taking the First Amendment of the Constitution lightly, Barack Obama announced today in a joint press conference and in a simultaneous podcast on YouTube with Vice President-elect Joe Biden his intentions to ban the book "How...
Off-the-Wall-Street, NY - (Sordid Fat Cat Ass Mess): Weeks of diplomatic misery-stirring by Sordid Arabia's Prince Alwaleed has resulted in a US Treasury $326 billion cash injection into troubled Off-the-Wall-Street lender ShittyGroup. Alwaleed, 6...
Washington DC-- Congress today approved a controversial $150 trillion bailout for the ailing TheSpoof.com website. The money will be printed and sent by plane directly to London tonight. The extra cash is expected to keep the site running "for at l...
Washington DC: On this date in history, November 19, 1908, executives from Horse Breeding Companies, Buggy Whip Manufacturers and Stable Owners Associations convened here to testify before Congress. A taxpayer funded $25 Million loan is deemed necess...
Meltdown, Michigan - Ford, GM and Chrysler have all filed for bankruptcy protection under Chapter 11 following their failed attempts to lobby congress for a carve-out of $25 billion from the $700 billion Wall Street bailout fund. "There's no w...
Boston, Ma/Detroit,Mi, / Combined AP Wire Services - A video tape delivered covertly to the Boston Globe proves conclusively that missing union boss Jimmy Hoffa, and Winter Hill Gangster Whitey Bolger are still on the loose and not about to let the g...
Washington,DC/Wall Street Journal - Playing the "Race Card" once again, it appears that the Rev. Al has found yet another way to avoid his tax obligations brought on by blatant misuse of his "Non Profit" community action groups specializing in extort...
Nov. 2009 - The bailout recovery has finally come full circle as the recipients have finally stabilized their companies and are ready to rehire their workers. A shock came about, however, when it was found out that most of their old workers had eithe...
WASHINGTON, DC - President Bush announced during a press conference this morning that Congress has approved a $870 billion bailout plan for major oil companies. Over the past six weeks, the cost of oil has plummeted to nearly a third of its record hi...
Myrtle Beach, SC/ Rolling Stone - Flush from their Rock Concert summer European success and spending over $700,000 to produce a Jesus Christ Super Star event in Germany for their Messiah, Barack Hussein Obama, ACORN has bought the now defunct Hard...
Bunton, Arkansas-In a move that was hailed by environmentalists as its first act of responsibility toward John and Neapolitan Feebleblister, two Bunton garbage men, announced that it has sent $100,000 toward buying them some new clothes and shoes and...
A top executive explained that Starbucks' business had become as black and burnt out as the sludge at the bottom of a cup that's been left up on a commuter's dashboard in the sun all weekend. He further added that dealing with the many store clo...
Fanny May Bankertype was the office manager at Amalgamated Widget Corporation. A concerned and caring person, Fanny May directed the activities of Amalgamated's clerical staff of forty workers. One day, a new restaurant opened just down the street from Amalgamated's offices. While the prices were a little steep, the food was excellent and the service outstanding, and it wasn't long before the...
Chicago, IL - UPDATE 1 - High demand for toxic securities and commercial paper are fueling a sharp spike in toxic securities futures. No, we don't mean toxic like aspartame, these are toxic in the financial sense.. bad for your portfoilio, not bad...
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