If the pundits on BBC television's Match Of The Day are to be believed, Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has already (or shortly will be) tried and convicted by the FA for an elbow incident, early on in Saturday's Premier League clash at Wigan Athletic. In a reasonably entertaining game - which United won by a comfortable four goal margin with a brace from Chicharito, a strike by Rooney,...
London - (Bucketshop): A strict ordure of precedence will be in farce when Kate and William marry, the Lord Chamberlain said today. This means the Abbey seating arrangements will reflect the same sort of national pecking order as in the Old Queen...
Manchester - (Coochy-Coochy-Coo): Has Wayne Rooney got a bouncing 8lb indiscretion somewhere that we've not been told about? Categorically not! However Red Top gush about a camera left behind at the Mad MEN Arena last year is full of 'Coleen: M...
In totally unrelated transatlantic transactions, Skoob Entertainment News supremo (who grovelled like a whimpering puppy to keep his job) Buffty Ginslinger, has related that in an amazing coincidence, US teen idol Miley Cyrus and Manchester United st...
These days we are always hearing about how all our footballers are earning far too much money and are such terrible role models for children everywhere. So it's always nice when we hear a good news story. This week, Manchester United Superstar W...
Wayne Rooney's wonder goal in the Manchester derby on Saturday has been voted the Greatest TV Moment in History, according to a survey of narrow minded, parochial U.K. residents. The overhead kick, which gave the Old Trafford side a late 2-1 victo...
Manchester derby games are always tense and tightly contested affairs, and todays Old Trafford clash between the Londoners and their noisy neighbours did little to break the mould. City appeared to have a slight edge in the first half, playing ass...
Much to the relief of one of professional football's most overpaid actors, Wayne Rooney, the £4.5 million commission being sought by his former agency was all a mistake. Speaking with relief, having taken this week's salary in cash and it being a...
The morals of Premiership footballers hit a new low today as both Wayne Rooney and Carlos Tevez demanded either a transfer or a wage increase. The justification of both players was based around the VAT increase taking place in January as the UK mo...
The first miracle of 2011 happened yesterday in the Black country (literally), Birmingham, UK. After not scoring in open play since March 2010, the enfant terriblé of English soccer actually did it. After all of the well documented turbulences in...
Wayne Rooney is being sued for damages for breaking an 83 year old pensioner's window who served in World War Two. The event took place on Monday night when Wayne Rooney missed a penalty at Old Trafford when Manchester United played Arsenal and en...
The announcement today from Iran that they had publicly hung a soccer wag, the mistress of a former soccer star, has sent a tremor of terror and trepidation though the sports world, especially in the UK where the practice of being a 'temp' has beco...
On the eve of tonight's "Battle of Britain" between Man Utd and Rangers there was a shock surprise for Wayne Rooney. Sir Alex Ferguson was planning to play Rooney tonight hoping he would explode back into form and blast Rangers off of the Ibrox pa...
Wayne Rooney has become a big fan of X-Factor, and voted for Katie Waissel several hundred times after Katie's grandmother revealed she is still a working prostitute at eighty-one years old. Katie's Gran, Sheila Vogel, revealed to the national pre...
And now, from the hit 60s TV programme Scooby Doo, Masterchev Entertainment presents: Rooney Roo. Rooney Rooney roo where are you? You've got a whore to do now. Rooney Rooney Roo, where are you? Pay up front and come now. come on Rooney Roo, old Man U needs you to start scoring goals, You don't have injuries that we can see, you're slower than Paul Scholes now. You know you've got a p...
As Wayne Rooney jets off to Nike HQ in the USA, as opposed to training hard for Wednesday's Manchester derby, sources state that he will never pull on the famous old red shirt of Manchester United again. It is being reported in certain 'informed'...
Nike Town, Oregon - (Offside Mess): It's Man U's equivalent of Coleen's recent Lourdes trip to pray for a nuptial miracle from the Virgin. And it will see wayward striker Wayne Rooney put through his paces in an aversion therapy week to restore a...
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