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Funny story: Sean and Diffy. The Chronicles (Sean and Diffy do Ibiza. Almost)

Sean and Diffy. The Chronicles (Sean and Diffy do Ibiza. Almost)

Sean and Diffy do Ibiza........... Almost! "What the fucks that?" "It's my luggage....why?" "Why?...Cos you look like a bag lady, that's why." "A bag lady....?" "No, strike that. You look like a bag dwarf." "It was my grandmas." "And we know what a fuckin nutter she was, don't we?" "Fuck off, Sean...Anyway, what's that thing you've got?" "It's our Tracy's." "It's pin...

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Funny story: Sean and Diffy. The Chronicles (A Salty Dog)

Sean and Diffy. The Chronicles (A Salty Dog)

Sean and Diffy recruit two of their mates for a day's cruising on the canal. It's not going to be that simple, is it? Sean and Diffy stories contain VERY strong language. Please do not read on if you are easily offended. It seemed like a good idea at the time. The north of England is criss-crossed by a network of canals that were used in the 19th and early to mid 20th century as a me...

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Funny story: Sean and Diffy. The Chronicles (The Christmas Train)

Sean and Diffy. The Chronicles (The Christmas Train)

Sean and Diffy go on a day trip on the SANTA EXPRESS, but the day doesn't live up to expectations.Sean and Diffy stories contain VERY strong language. Please do not read on if you are easily offended. There is a little town in Lancashire with the unfortunate name of Ramsbottom: honest, I kid you not. It nestles in the gently folding foothills of the Pennine Chain, a range of hills that stret...

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Funny story: Sean and Diffy. The Chronicles (Sean's Interview)

Sean and Diffy. The Chronicles (Sean's Interview)

Sean had thusfar avoided the evils of the workplace, but the jobcentre had tracked him down and arranged an interview at a local factory. This story contains very strong language. Please do not read on if you are easily offended. There are several things in life that are guaranteed to strike fear into the hearts of every man and woman in the country. At the top, or near the top for those of a...

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Funny story: Sean and Diffy. The Chronicles (Sean and Diffy do Hospital)

Sean and Diffy. The Chronicles (Sean and Diffy do Hospital)

Our heroes, Sean and Diffy, begin this particular day in the Bolto Hospital Accident and Emergency Department. Knowing these two. It wasn't going to be that simple. This story is by no means Politically Correct and contains VERY strong language. Please do not read on if you feel you may be offended. Diffy bent down, grabbed the front leg of the plastic hospital waiting room chair, and h...

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Funny story: Tales From a Northern Narrowboat 2

Tales From a Northern Narrowboat 2

I took my daughter, Lucy, and her fiancee, Brad, out last week for a liesurely cruise up the canal to a spot called 'Botany Bay' where there is a converted mill housing lots of craft shops and that kind of tosh. Anyway, I'm pootling along at the recommended 4mph, and I notice a barge following me and reducing the gap at an alarming rate. (He must have been doing all of 6mph!!....Hooligan!!) I d...

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Funny story: Tales From a Northern Narrowboat 1

Tales From a Northern Narrowboat 1

Not a lot happened over the weekend and I thought Captain Nigel's log would be left bare. Then guess what. The Brits never let you down. Captain Pugwash in his souwester loomed out of the rain and caught me amidships. And being caught amidships can bring a tear to your eyes, believe me. About 11am Sunday and I'm still in my dressing gown having a civilised cup of coffee and a scratch of the bal...

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Funny story: The tall dwarf of Oleander - a fable

The tall dwarf of Oleander - a fable

Somewhere far off in the land of In-Between, there existed a mystical kingdom. It's lands stretched from the waters of Taramac to the shores of Coriander. This kingdom, The Kingdom of Oleander was known far and wide as the land of liberty, and was celebrated for the renowned cheerfulness and generosity of its citizens. This mystical kingdom was indeed, a very special place, it was, in fact, a n...

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Funny story: The Yeoperson's Story

The Yeoperson's Story

Stardate: WTF? Yeoman Bitters flipped through a well loved back issue of a publication called Kinky Klingons in the ship's library. The Starship Enterprise's "library" was in actuality a massive collection of porn mags ranging from relitavly tame Star Sluts to vomit inducing 2 Vulcans, 1 Cup. Why am I here? yeoman Bitters wondered for the umpteenth time. She closed the magazine (which sh...

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Funny story: Man Swallowed by Whale Calls Wife

Man Swallowed by Whale Calls Wife

A fisherman and his crew set sail from the coast of Gibralter in the early evening on the 1st June 2009. Heading off for a night time fishing expedition, spirits were high as The Rock dissapeared into the mist behind them. Suddenly, without warning there was a loud bang followed by a deep scraping sound. 'We've run aground' the captians shouted. The crew, mainly comprising of tourists,...

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Funny story: One Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest

One Flu Over The Cuckoo's Nest

Nurse Hatchet looked up as Nothin' Newsworthy arrived at her cubicle for his medications. 'Two BBC sedatives, three Fox anti-intelligants, one Murdoch braincell-blocker', she read from her list, handing Nothin' his daily prescription. He pretended to swallow them, then went away to read a new book he had borrowed from the library. '1984' by George Orwell was all about government propaganda and...

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Funny story: Major Antonius Julius Argus Xerxes Part-1

Major Antonius Julius Argus Xerxes Part-1

When he retired as major, Cavalry, Antonius Julius Argus Xerxes, also known as Ajax, was just forty. With the best education, military and non-military, Antonius could have made a general. His reasons to quit were numerous. The first and foremost: his commanders' stupidity. The last but not the least: the inefficiency of his subordinates. Furthermore, he left his community as well, and became a se...

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Funny story: Leaking horror stories re; ethnic cleansing & genocide in Palestinia

Leaking horror stories re; ethnic cleansing & genocide in Palestinia

Horror stories have been reaching the JEM-BALS (Jagged-edge Monitoring Bullshit and Lies Show) head office from their "in the ground" CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) relating to new ethnic cleansing, genocidal plans cooked up by our eternal Shalom...

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Funny story: When the Dusk Fell, Part 4

When the Dusk Fell, Part 4

Yusef, bent his head and rubbed his ears on his shoulder. Now he looked at her squarely in the face. He could not believe his eyes: her curved eyelashes, so long and thick; her eyelids, sparkling pale blue; her cheeks, pink; her lips, red. Her perfume, staggering. Now he felt uncomfortable in the loins. Fortunately, his pants were so loose, baggy, thick and darned that concealed any transforma...

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Funny story: A Children's Tale

A Children's Tale

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin. Once upon a time there was a pretty girl named Jackie, and she was liked and admired by all the other girls at her school. So there was much sadness and tears when she left to go and become a secretary in someone's home, but she knew she was a grown-up now, and wanted to work. And every day she worked hard, boys and girls, and smiled and talked a...

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Funny story: Another Sorry-Ass Day In Boogertown

Another Sorry-Ass Day In Boogertown

"Let me know when Larry gets his sorry ass in here to work this morning", Buddy Gooseneck told his secretary at the Boogertown Sawmill office Monday morning. Gooseneck had just about had it "up to here" with Millard Feltmore Johnson and his sorry-ass excuses for being late to work on Monday mornings because he'd seen him out drinking with his buddies once again over the weekend. At 11 AM, Go...

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Funny story: Below Decks Chapter 18: Who's that Tap,Tap Tapping On My Door? "Bollocks" quoth the Parrot, Evermore

Below Decks Chapter 18: Who's that Tap,Tap Tapping On My Door? "Bollocks" quoth the Parrot, Evermore

Recap: One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Eleven | Twelve | Thirteen | Fourteen | Fifteen | Sixteen | Seventeen "Doctor Nicholas!," commanded the Captain loudly from the Poop. "Here, Captain, " as the overworked Proctologist appeared on deck buttoning up his tongue depressor, " what do you command?" "It seems we have a valuable stowaway on board," said...

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