HARFOLD, Vermont--At Harfold Health and Rehab Center, the elderly inhabitants enjoy a good scandal like anybody. But just as many senior citizens don't care for books and movies with a multitude of characters, it seems they need a scandal with very f...
Sussex - Swarms of mating season Dermochelys coriacea leatherbacks were blamed today for 'hideous' attacks on British pensioners holidaying in the UK's 'Adriatic Riviera' of Bognor Regis. Invading Caribbean testudines have apparently mistaken some...
In a lifelong trend, which shows no signs of changing over the short term, people in their 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's and older still list the weather as the top topic in conversation with both strangers and close family and friends. Mr Darren Uffer,...
A care homes company has begun selling off its old people after going into administration. Northern Cross, which operates 130 care homes around the UK, went into administration this week after failing to raise finance to cover its debts. 1,000 sta...
This article was admitted... er submitted, by a Spoof reporter of great maturity and senility, during one of his rare moments of semi-lucidity. Written while he was in the queue at the local Job Centre Plus Jobs Fair, where it was gently pointed out to him, his age, his mental state, his medical conditions, and was then asked to zip up his flies, he was led out of the building by security. Anyway,...
One of the old farts who contribute their pathetic rubbish to our magazine, (we've tried to discourage him) has sent in yet another of his 'Odes' - this time about the downhill differences he finds himself suffering from 1959 to 2011. Being as we rejected to git's previous three pieces of crap, we thought we'd better include this one, as it is not as bad as his usual offerings. The place I now...
London - Those Nazi Tories want to knee-cap scrounging geriatric layabouts who refuse to pay for local authority chemical coshing during the twilight years, a report out today has concluded. This means a new £35,000 'bung' will be required before...
It could only happen to a Leeds Utd hooligirl/granny because they are the only team in the country that have them. Leeds Utd are renowned for their very dodgy Hooligan fraternity, they begin at the early age of 2 months and continue right up to re...
Wasilla, Alaska - Tired of being branded as a political lightweight, Republican presidential contender Sarah Palin today revealed some heavy ideas for dealing with America's ongoing economic crisis. "The way I see it," Palin said, "America is bein...
As concerns grow for elderly residents of care homes, new proposals have been advanced suggesting that placing the elderly on board strategically positioned prison ships will ease the burden on the taxpayer. The idea appears to be gaining support...
The government has announced plans to reduce the number of pensioners nationwide. This is the latest in a long line of initiatives to reduce the national debt. Pensioners, they say, are a drain on national resources. Not only do they drain billion...
The bright Los Angeles skyline beamed a special message Monday night for all to see, but intended for just one. The illuminated banner of Aerial Advertising from a plane glowed shortly before 8 p.m. with the ultimate marriage proposal. Spelled out...
Reports have reached the world through the British red-top tabloid press that the world's oldest woman, Mary Quite-Contrary has died in Somerset, England at 145, just after visiting the Moon. Lauded by millions of people as the word's oldest woman...
Walter Breuning, who up until last Thursday, was the world's oldest man at 114 years old, has died due to an undisclosed illness after, allegedly, ignoring expert medical advice. Breuning spent the last month of his life in a Great Falls hospital,...
As if there weren't already enough rants available on the interwebs, featuring fanatical right or political left, bible thumping religious exclusivity, social, cultural or gender based preeminence, why not one more dedicated to the plight of the modern 50+ year old male. Regardless of race, class, cultural upbringing or religious background, the Over Fifty Male, known in this thread to be the O...
BOULDER, CO - An elderly couple on their way from Boulder to Durango lost control of their 2008 Ambassador recreational vehicle on a mountainside and rolled over while unsuccessfully negotiating a sharp curve, tumbling forty feet to the bottom of a s...
A conversation with Old Man Winter Here at Investigative Bull Shit Network (ISBN) we decided to send our award winning investigative journalist, B.S. Hogwash, out into the field. In this case out into the snow to see if we could dispel some of the rumors about Old Man Winter. ISBN wanted to know if under that notoriously chilly disposition and cold hardheartedness is there a warm heart. Old...
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