At Tony Hayward's press conference this morning, no one expected what they were about to hear. Mr. Hayward opened the session by quoting from the Robert Browning poem, "Grow old with me, the best is yet to be." As reporters looked at each other...
US President Barack Obama has said it is "way too stupid to be optimistic" as he made an unexpected visit to the oil-hit Gulf of Mexico coast when AirForce 1 was diverted from Boca Raton where Mr Obama had hoped to get in a little swim time. Earl...
Those who have talked with citizens from New Orleans who were there after Katrina have put all the belongings they can into their cars, U Hauls and anything they can use to escape. It seems that FEMA is getting ready to come to Florida! "Wasn...
Miami, Florida. In what are expected to be important talks crucial to solving the crisis in the Gulf of Mexico, Duchess Sarah Ferguson, Islamist leader Osama Bin laden, Peewee Herman, Tiger Woods and Sir David Attenborough will sit down and thrash ou...
The renowned media-mogul Simon Cowell is considering a personal intervention in the Gulf oil crisis. He is thought to be negotiating with God for a cast iron, copper-bottomed guarantee of success, otherwise the deal is off. Cowell's spokesperson s...
In a recent "news" story, a writer for TheSpoof.com suggested that BP "drop Bruce Willis into Gulf to detonate nuke, stop leak." Well, Federal officials are obviously reading, 'cuz they actually thought about trying it!! Well, not really. Energy Depa...
TULSA, Oklahoma - Miley Cyrus was in town performing at The Sooner or Later Arena. The sold out crowd of 82,093, went wild for the girl who until recently was simply known as Hannah Montana, and who is now being referred to as Hohanna. Miley says...
Athens, Greece - Greece's debt burden is so excessive that the country is looking at every alternative to reduce their burden. With the concurrence from the European Union, Greece has decided to mandate all citizens to shave their back hair daily for...
In their latest attempt to stop the oil leak off the Louisiana coast, BP have recruited Angelina Jolie. Previous attempts have involved using robot divers, giant plugs, industrial size sanitary towels and trained starfish. A BP spokesman said, "We...
Washington - Robert Gibbs confirmed yesterday that President Obama does prefer complimentary breakfasts as opposed to those conventional meals that speak no compliments. "[Non-complimentary breakfasts] offer little value of his particular needs,"...
British Petroleum have loaded a flotilla of ships with lava from the Icelandic volcano in the latest attempt to plug the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico; an operation that BP are calling Cup Pompeii. The ships now face a four thousand mile journey...
BP's latest attempt to stop the oil flow from the ruptured pipe has failed. The company is attempting to contain the spill from the well by cutting off the fractured pipe and sealing it with a cap. During the cutting process the saw has got stuck...
Now the saw that was cutting through the leaking oil well in the Gulf of Mexico has gotten stuck. "I knew we shouldn't have pulled that slick deal in Haiti", mumbled BP Oil's third spokesman in as many weeks. "Sure as the world we're under a curs...
After starting their criminal investigation into the BP Oil Spill only very recently, Attorney General Eric Holder, and his team of Federal experts believe that they have finally gotten to the bottom of the matter. Investigators now seem to b...
Federal officials hope King of the World film director James Cameron can help them come up with ideas on how to stop the disastrous oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. The writer and director of the 1981 fecesburger "Piranha II: The Spawning", who, b...
At this rate the amount of oil in the Gulf of Mexico will be larger than the amount of sea water. After trying for six weeks and in the middle of trying yet another way of stopping the leak, the BP Oil specialists were digging two relief wells tha...
A sheaf of highly classified documents left in a non English speaking cab in London allege that the rampaging oil spill is part of an elaborate 'going away present' from former Prime Minister Gordon Brown! The 500 page document, appearing legitim...
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