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Funny satire stories about Nottingham

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Funny story: Recycling to be available for MP's unused assets

Recycling to be available for MP's unused assets

An unemployed Nottingham man has started a Recycling Plant business - aimed at clearing and easing the congestion, in the Houses Of Parliament. Nick Roffilia's company is now able to accept the following redundant assets from MPs, for recycling, at a minimum charge; Compassion: Aimed primarily at the leading Ministers, and the the more nepotistic Conservatives/Coalition members. With so much...

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Funny story: Nottingham's new Pond-side Take Away Opens with 99% local menu dishes!

Nottingham's new Pond-side Take Away Opens with 99% local menu dishes!

The inventiveness of a Nottingham man, with the help of the Job Centre Plus staff, and a grant from the Alcoholics Support Group, has opened a new take-away in the local City Centre situated Arboretum. Built in the collapsed old Gents toilets wooden building, and fitted out with equipment from closed down Old Peoples Homes, Fire bombed Police stations, and the recently closed Soup Kitchen, it...

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Funny story: Nottingham City Council to introduce 'Pedestrian Licences'

Nottingham City Council to introduce 'Pedestrian Licences'

Bad News today, for the remaining retail outlets that have not gone bankrupt in Nottingham. Local Councillor Mick Stupp explained: This new initiative will blend in with the 'Workplace Parking Levy', our 'Increased City Centre Car Parking Charges, and 'Selective Road Tolls'. It's handy for us that we have so many empty retail units in the City Centre, that we can use for PWLA (Pedestrian 'Wa...

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Funny story: Nottingham themed Cheap Foods to be opened by Christmas!

Nottingham themed Cheap Foods to be opened by Christmas!

Nottingham Company Costwise Diet Foods, introduced its new range of Locally produced menu courses, hopefully to be available for Christmas. The new meals are designed to be the most economical, and nourishing available. We spoke with the owner,...

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Funny story: New Nottingham Restaurant hailed as 'innovative but suicidal' by the food press!

New Nottingham Restaurant hailed as 'innovative but suicidal' by the food press!

A made redundant 64 year-old local man, is to open a 'Olde World Specialist' restaurant in Nottingham. Owner Ivor Deathwish, explained his thinking and plans to our Food reporter Ulrika Garlic. "Well at first, I noticed the vast amount of bankr...

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Funny story: A True Diary of Woe - Part Thirty

A True Diary of Woe - Part Thirty

A diary of one man's utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 In this chapter he remembers from 1950s, as a young lad, when his Dad would take him to the Empire Theatre in Nottingham, and used to made him sit and watch what bit he could see over the front of the stalls up in the 9d (3¼p) seats in the Gods, with many wonderful acts performin...

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Funny story: Foster Parents needed for Nottingham Boy, can you help?

Foster Parents needed for Nottingham Boy, can you help?

Advertised in the Nottingham Evening Post, this surely explains why we need to apply ourselves and provide the resources to cater for our elderly citizens? Nottingham Council's Adoption Agency Nottinghamshire Council provides a range of services to looked after children and aims to provide quality foster care placements to meet each child's individual needs in respect of race, culture, relig...

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Funny story: Historical Walks of Ye Olde Nottingham - to the St Anns area

Historical Walks of Ye Olde Nottingham - to the St Anns area

In 1958, as a young lad of about 12 years of age, I took a walk from the Parliament Street bus depot, to Cathcart Street, just off of St Anns Well Road, to visit an Aunt. I was met with about 1000 bodies fighting in the streets and alleyways. Here, I was first introduced to the effectiveness of the West Indians machete's, and the razor's of the Teddy Boys, as they fought with ferocity. Today...

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Funny story: Historical Walks of Ye Olde Nottingham

Historical Walks of Ye Olde Nottingham

Following the success of previous editions; A walk though Shakespeare's Stratford upon Avon, A Walk around Stone Henge, and The Luddite's march into Nottingham, we present: A walk in Robin Hood's footsteps into Nottingham, to the Castle We follow as far as possible, the route taken by Robin and his Merry Men, as they neared Nottingham from Sherwood Forest. We start at the only remaining...

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Funny story: University Challenge: Has The Paint Dried Yet?

University Challenge: Has The Paint Dried Yet?

Zzzzzzzzz. Oh good grief! If I hadn't been eating dinner (home-made salted cod fishcakes and black bean salad) I'd have been asleep by the time this game was half over! Birmingham picked up the first couple of starters and never looked back. They were not just faster to the buzzer, they really looked as if they knew more - which I'm sure was not the case. Poor Birmingham, bless their c...

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Funny story: £740 million expansion plans by the Two Nottingham Malls - With Citizen's Views

£740 million expansion plans by the Two Nottingham Malls - With Citizen's Views

In the middle of this depression, and with the highest levels ever known of unemployed in Nottingham, the two owners of Nottingham's shopping centres plan to expand! Victoria Shopping Centre - Nottingham Management Comment: We believe it is a good time to invest in the Victoria Centre and Nottingham. Their proposals: * An additional 500,000sq feet extension. * £240+ million investm...

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Funny story: Nottingham's Goose Fair Opens

Nottingham's Goose Fair Opens

On Wednesday the weather was cool and windy, the rain threatening, as I walked down to have a look at the opening of the much longed for Nottingham Goose Fair. I arrived about 1710hrs. It was still light. As I entered from the Mansfield Road entra...

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Funny story: Steve McClaren quits Forest even though it's been his most successful managerial stint

Steve McClaren quits Forest even though it's been his most successful managerial stint

Steve McClaren has left Nottingham Forest even though the four months spent in charge of the club were his most successful to date. McClaren guided his side to no less than eight points in their opening ten matches of the season, averaging just under...

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Funny story: Advice to anyone visiting Nottingham's once peaceful, picturesque Arboretum

Advice to anyone visiting Nottingham's once peaceful, picturesque Arboretum

The following statement was given to the Nottingham police, by a 65 year old, 5'3" tall, made redundant, overweight, bald, bespectacled, hearing aids wearing, depressed, cardiac suffering, arthritic, lesser endowed man, after he'd decided to take a walk for the first time in years through the Nottingham Arboretum, to feed the ducks, in an effort to cheer himself up a bit. On Friday 1st October,...

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Funny story: City closes for business

City closes for business

The global recession has claimed it's latest victim - the city of Derby. The metropolis' Mayor, Shaun Carey, yesterday announced that due to the Eurozone crisis it had no option but to cease trading. Speaking outside the city's cathedral a tearful...

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Funny story: Nottingham City Councillor looks on the bright side!

Nottingham City Councillor looks on the bright side!

Nottingham Councillor Mr I. Likexpences, was interviewed last night by our ancient political reporter Inchcock Chambers. He asked the Councillor his opinions on the following topics: Inchock asked: "Your views on the rioting and attacks on 14 police stations in Nottingham?" Likepences replied: "Not all bad news you know, we have the highest unemployment rate in the country here in Notting...

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Funny story: Getting Ready for Work in 1959 Nottingham

Getting Ready for Work in 1959 Nottingham

This article was sent in by an ancient old fart from Nottingham, in the UK. It describes his getting up in the morning, and the procedures and efforts required then to get ready for work! 0530hrs: The body stirs, and I dig my self out from the 140lb of bedclothes and greatcoats covering my body. I adjust the flat cap on my head, and scrape away some the ice on the inside of the windows. Light a...

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