Oh, Farida! How wondrous thy name upon my lips! On that beach, as you danced, those swaying hips, Your wonderful, beaming, cheeky smile, Red swimsuit, flowing hair - I should have had you right there How could we tell Each other of our love? You spoke only Arabic and French; And I, only, A crippled form of English. The cultural divide, How could it be breached? And yet, I've hea...
Wichita, Kansas - Rick Bailey, an 82 year old former ironworker and now retired masturbater, has sent a thank you letter to the woman who has given him so much happiness. It all started back in 1941, when Rick was 14, and excited to learn that Ame...
It was like something from a really shitty mid-week movie: local boy falls madly in love with his next-door neighbour, but she is shagging the local butchers apprentice. It could only end in tragedy - and somebody getting licked by a stray Labrador.
A 3-legged man has become engaged to a woman he met at his brothers wedding. Barry Lincoln, or 'Tripod' to his friends, met Suzy Crabtree who was acting as the photographer at his bothers wedding. Barry had given up all hope of finding love and w...
CAIRO -- An Egyptian man has cut off his own penis and presented it at his local delicatessen in order that they might pickle it for a take-away snack. Police say the man entered the local Subway restaurant and was told that they were out of cold...
Farmington, New Mexico - "I mean the ring was pretty big. But in all honesty, I've seen her put bigger things in her mouth and swallow them," said a fellow sorority sister and friend of Kaitlin Whipple, the women that swallowed her engagement ring th...
I had reason to go up into the attic a couple of days ago, and as I did so I stumbled upon the strangest thing. There was a large box there which I hadn't noticed before. Intrigued somewhat, I opened the box. Within, I discovered some shoes, a couple of tee shirts, and a manuscript, all neatly typed out on A4 paper. Not being able to help myself, I started to read it. This is what i...
Possum Creek, AL- The publishing world and authors of self-help books alike have been turned on their respective ears by the new number one best-selling non-fiction book in the nation, Screw Mars and Venus: Men and Women are from Uranus. The unlik...
The entire United States of America, apparently after an unexplained amount of indifference accumulated in the lower atmosphere, has ruled that the World WitchCraft Foundation is innocent of all charges that their famed love potions may have been tai...
Coming on the heels of an announcement from Heavenly Creations earlier today that they will no longer be using Love Potion #9 to coat Cupid's arrowheads, the World WitchCraft Foundation (WWCF) has announced that the global economy has forced many wou...
The question of whether a person loves us or not is as old as civilization, and probably even older. But for all that being around for thousands of years, it remains one of the most difficult things to ascertain in our daily lives. Margaret Foley has published a new book, "Examining the Emotions," which finally tells us how to recognize love as the real thing, using nothing more elaborate than...
Dearest Madame Bitters, I'm so upset with my twin brother and my girlfriend that I just don't know what to do! "Staci" and I have been going together since junior year of high school and she's the only girl I've ever loved. We're both 20 now and lately we've been talking about marriage. I thought everything was fine but three days ago she told me that she and my brother "Keith" have been have b...
Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4- to 8-year-olds, 'What does love mean?' The answers they got were broader...
Dearest Madame Bitters, I'm a single woman well into my 30's and I'm more than ready to settle down. I'm dating a man who is sweet and considerate, but he is a loser in every other sense. He's a garbage man, he's 50lbs overweight and a horrible dresser. He goes to comic book and sci-fi conventions and he says, "Okie dokie," way, way too much. He's crazy about me and he wants to make a life with...
It was an unlikely alliance: Mary Smyth, the 19 year old college student who recently lost her virginity in the back of a rusty 1964 Volkswagen Beetle meeting and falling in love with used car salesman Jim Browne who lost the...
Latina girls are far more sexy than latino men which explains why more latina women are being woed by rich Americans who treat their ladies far better than pig headed latino men.
Renowned astro-physicist, Doctor Albert Finkelberker of the University of Ontario, has astounded the international scientific community with news of his love affair with a pet giraffe named Bertha.
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