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Funny satire stories about John Terry

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Funny story: Media Blackout At Stamford Bridge

Media Blackout At Stamford Bridge

It has just been revealed that Chelsea FC have been operating a blanket media ban across all areas of the clubs activities. It has been assumed by assumptive types that the media blackout is intended to prevent the John Terry sex scandal revelations...

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Funny story: Vanessa Perroncel - Come In Number Five

Vanessa Perroncel - Come In Number Five

It appears that Vanessa Perroncel, the French lingerie model and official bedwarmer to the Chelsea football fraternity has been quite a naughty little minx who has been flashing her je ne sais pas at no less than five Chelsea footballers. Which is...

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Funny story: Terry inspired by Tiger Woods. He's...Grrrrrrreat!

Terry inspired by Tiger Woods. He's...Grrrrrrreat!

John Terry has admitted that Tiger Woods was the inspiration behind his recent infidelity. "I really love Golf but Tiger I love with all my heart", gushed the England Captain praising his hero to our reporter who'd managed to gain a rare interview...

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Funny story: Liberté, égalité, paternité: France 1998 coach Aimé Jacquet quizzed about Vanessa Perroncel

Liberté, égalité, paternité: France 1998 coach Aimé Jacquet quizzed about Vanessa Perroncel

Sail-sous-Couzan, France - (Merde, alors!): Legendary France 1998 World Cup coach Aimé Jacquet is staying resolutely schtum. All week long French tabloids have been scouring reports that glamorous French lingerie model Vanessa Perroncel 'might be...

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Funny story: Premiership totty crisis: Victoria Beckham calls WAGs/shags/groupies summit

Premiership totty crisis: Victoria Beckham calls WAGs/shags/groupies summit

London - (Offside Rule): The emergency meeting comes amid premiership totty relegation fears following the alleged John Terry/Vanessa Perroncel shagging fiasco. Undisputed Premier League 'godmother' La Beckham has called for an immediate 4-4-2 dia...

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Funny story: Carla Bruni rubbishes Vanessa Peronncel maternity jibes

Carla Bruni rubbishes Vanessa Peronncel maternity jibes

Paris - (Trompe l'Oeil): France's Premiere Madame Carla Bruni Sarkozy has hit out at 'ridiculous' taunts that she might be Vanesssa Perroncel's birth mother. "Imbeciles! Just because we are both gorgeous, famous, incredibly talented, sophisticated...

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Funny story: Manchester City and Arsenal Both Want Vanessa Perroncel

Manchester City and Arsenal Both Want Vanessa Perroncel

As the alleged John Terry Scandal rages on allegedly unabated in the alleged daily tabloids, attention turned this morning to the alleged lady at the centre of the alleged row, Vanessa Perroncel, with both Manchester City and Arsenal allegedly declar...

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Funny story: England's Football Captain John Terry May Be Traded To Brazil

England's Football Captain John Terry May Be Traded To Brazil

LONDON - John Terry, England captain is quickly becoming the most hated man in the entire United Kingdom. The London Hand-Held Daily Mirror recently ran a survey to find out who the most hated man in Great Britain actually is. John Terry came out...

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Funny story: OMG! All these WAGs and SHAGs live in England's very own Wisteria Lane!

OMG! All these WAGs and SHAGs live in England's very own Wisteria Lane!

Oxshitt, Slurry - (Ass Mess): A convoy of UK tabloid reporters has jammed the A244 Warren Lane in Oxshott Heath, Surrey amid more squalid revelations in the press about Chelsea and England captain John Terry's love life. The location was once desi...

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Funny story: Katie Price Denies Shagging John Terry

Katie Price Denies Shagging John Terry

Glamour model Katie Price aka Jordan was the latest name to be sucked into the John Terry sex scandal weekend extravaganza following allegations from a former Brighton B&B employee that the couple had checked in at a hotel room together in June o...

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Funny story: John Terry's Wife Runs Out of Red Cards Flagging his Shagging!

John Terry's Wife Runs Out of Red Cards Flagging his Shagging!

Claiming more than 10 hands on fouls with lovers outside their marriage, Footballer's wife, Toni, has fled to Dubai with their two children and plans to file an official complaint with the Football Federation. Terry, England's Captain and potentia...

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Funny story: John Terry: "I use Pappies Sauce on my sausage, it makes me play harder!"

John Terry: "I use Pappies Sauce on my sausage, it makes me play harder!"

John Terry, the England and Chelsea Captain, voted Dad of the Year in the Pappies Sauce survey in 2009, has made the following endorsement of Pappies Sauce; "I use Pappies Sauce on my sausage, it makes me play harder!" As Chelsea seek the Prem...

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Funny story: England world cup hopes hang on Jaydon Jean Claude Bridge paternity test

England world cup hopes hang on Jaydon Jean Claude Bridge paternity test

London - (Offside Mess): A spectacular John Terry own goal has landed in England coach Fabio Capello's red card In tray. DNA swabs from Vanessa Perroncel's three year old son Jaydon all point to a St Valentine's Day 2006 conception. And Wayne...

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Funny story: John Terry Banned From Everywhere

John Terry Banned From Everywhere

Poor old JT, as his few remaining friends call him. John Terry, Chelsea and England football captain was today left reeling as the hate campaign against him gathers momentum. Calls have been made for JT to be stripped of the England captaincy foll...

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Funny story: John Terry To Be Stripped Of Darts Team Captaincy

John Terry To Be Stripped Of Darts Team Captaincy

It's been a terrible weekend for Chelsea and England captain John Terry as a cloud hovers over his suitability to lead the England team into the World Cup Finals in South Africa following widespread publication of an alleged affair with ex-teammate W...

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Funny story: Has shagging Vanessa Perroncel made John Terry the poor man's Tiger Woods?

Has shagging Vanessa Perroncel made John Terry the poor man's Tiger Woods?

London - (Offside Mess): She's a luscious, silken-bodied French underwear model; he's captain of Chelsea and England - and worth a bob or two. But is this silly shagging caper really the new Tiger Woods? As the UK tabloids pitch for a slice o...

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Funny story: Vanessa Perroncel = Porn Ass Relevance Says Mrs John Terry

Vanessa Perroncel = Porn Ass Relevance Says Mrs John Terry

London - (Offside Rule): Toni Poole has hit out at the sordid sex revelations about her lying, cheating footballer husband John Terry and French actress Vanessa Perroncel. The England captain's wife said she'd consulted a medium about her marriage...

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