Churchill Downs - (Thoroughbred Ass Mess): Dubai's top paranoid egomaniac Shaikh Mohammed McTomb-Raider is on a roll having convinced himself that the splayed entrails on the Gogolphin Stables' gelding room floor spell a massive victory for one of hi...
Bank of England Governor Mervyn King has announced plans to help kick-start the UK economy by buying toxic losing bets on last Saturday's Grand National. The race was won by shock 100/1 outsider Mon Mome, leaving millions of punters out of pocket.
Liam Treadwell today had his "Fetlocks" savagely beaten in a hastily convened meeting at The jockey club in Newmarket where he was sensationally stripped of his amazing win in the 2009 grand National! He admitted cheating and named one "Mon Mome",...
More than 65million complaints have been received since the weekend in regard to BBC presenter Sarah Boring's comment to Liam Treadmill. Yes, that's right, more than the entire population of Britain have nothing better to do than sit around making wh...
The BBC's Clair Balding has been sensationally sacked and sentenced to life imprisonment without trial for her foul mouthed tirade against winning Grand National Jockey Liam 'Buggsy' Treadwell's Gnashers. 'Don't smile and stand too close to the ho...
BBC Sports presenter Clare Balding has become embroiled in what many lazy hacks are already dubbing 'Toofgate'. The latest in a string of inappropriate references to the Watergate scandal, Toofgate captured the moral outrage of the nation when Baldin...
Nad Al Sheba, Dubai - (Whorseracing Mess): It's a done deal! And you can forget about US Breeders' Cup Dirt Mile champion Albertus Maximus, current 2/1 favorite for Saturday's Dubai World Cup. He's dead meat already! That's the verdict of online...
Cheltenham - (Equine Ass Mess): The Queen has been warned about the perils of running her top equine vanity project the 16-1 Cheltenham Gold Cup contender Barbers Slop this Friday the 13th of March. Palace racing advisers fear the seven year-old w...
Cheltenham, Gloucs - (X-Files Mess): Remains of an ominous mystery space craft were found burning on the racecourse track this morning. The Prestbury Park site said today it may now have to cancel its prestigeous annual race meeting to which hundr...
In a press release, Churchill Downs General Manager James D. Gates Jr. announced Monday that Ann Coulter has been barred from the track for life. Controversy erupted in recent weeks when panicked track patrons complained that a horse was let loose i...
Ascot, Berks - (Thoroughbred Mess): A 66/1 chance five year old bay colt by Spectrum (IRA) out of the French (night) mare Dibenoise (by Kendor) who is named after Pope Joe Ratzinger is a betting odds steamer for Saturday's $400,000 Group One Queen El...
Doncaster - (Whorseracing Ass Mess): Forget all those attention-grabbin' Aidan O'Brien-trained Classic wannabes. The only whorse (sic) worth backing for Saturday's 14 furlong St Ledger is a Tommy Stack-trained filly by High Chaparral called Unsun...
You definitely would not see this at Ascot, Cheltenham or Aintree, forty men running naked at bizarre race meeting.
Royal Ascot - (Whoresracing Mess): Thoroughbred arse-licking found a new rancid crevice this week after TV sports presenter Clare Balding was voted into sycophancy's winners' enclosure for her unashamed etoilation of Dubai's Shaikh Mohamm...
Ascot, berks - (Snake-in-the-Grass Mess): A huge Carla Bruni-faced serpent crop circle has suddenly appeared in Royal Ascot's unsaddling enclosure prompting the immediate cancellation of next week's five day race meeting.
Yankees Jason Giambi has finally been showing some success after swearing off the steroids.
Kentucky Derby Dog Food Inc has diversified to include the new Breeders' Cupful, a fertility and sexsual stimulating animal feed and now Big Brown, a low cholesterol doggie treat made from big brown horse meat. The upstart company is not without...
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