Hi, this is Bernie Sanders. I just wanted to remind you Democrats how you didn't want me for your nominee. Sure, I might have lost. But I might have lost with some dignity and brought some integrity back to the Democratic Party. I could have brought some white men back into the party, but you didn't want that. Oh no You said, We don't need any white men in our Party, we can win just fine without t...
Seattle, WA - Sales of the "Glass Swear Box" have increased to unprecedented levels after Donald Tump's presidential election win. The box is a 7-foot glass enclosure in which owners can step in and vent all of their frustrations. A user can swear,...
Clinton Estate - According to our anonymous source, who wishes to be known only as "Bill", Hillary has been secluding herself in the basement where she has collected all her witches equipment: Broom with extra thick handle, black candles made from th...
Old George Has a Modest Proposal Bernard had rallied his spirits as his first - some say primary - loss at the gate, the Infamous Loss at the Gate as he began to think of it. Yet, somehow after chasing some cats around the yard and yapping at the humans who were passing by, Bernard felt a little better. He scampered lively into the center yard where all the animals milled about early...
My name is Chad Billings and I write for a very reputable magazine, The Republic Rag. I grew up in a middle-class neighborhood in a three-bedroom, two-bath split-level ranch, where I lived with my sister Martha (Marty for short). My parents were not divorced. My father worked at IBM like everyone else, which allowed my mother to stay home and take care of things until "the kids" were out of scho...
A host of authorities were called to 4750 North Meridian Avenue, Indianapolis, the governor's mansion, after a neighbor grew concerned over a raging fire, excessive smoke and an odd scent of burning flesh and hair. "The governor (Vice President to...
In surprising news today, Hillary Clinton was named attorney general by president-elect Trump. Sources indicate that the Trump transition team has found plenty of Republicans with significant foreign policy experience and plenty of Republicans w...
A new update on the Assange case is again rising to the surface. Ms. Valerie Thighborg, who has visited Mr. Assange twice previously (reported in these pages) has returned to Ecuador's London embassy to review Mr. Assange's current interrogation.
In a miraculous and purely patriotic act, the Electoral College, a group of officials no one has ever really seen, have decided that it would be in the best interest of the nation and the world, to dissolve their group and allow the majority of voter...
Despite the continuing wailing and tears and gnashing of teeth from angry Hillary supporters, the Trump Party is officially the winner of the 2016 presidential election. Foremost now in all the post-election sound and fury is the new United States...
Washington, DC - With anti-Trump protests occurring along the two U.S. coasts, the US House and Senate are proposing an emergency bill to split the United States into two countries. Donald J. Trump will serve as President of the United Middle Sta...
Special to TPN - Cheetos' parent company, Frito-Lay, announced that it will be a primary sponsor of President-elect Trump's TV station, CRUD (Conservative Republicans Under Donald). "It's a natural fit," said Vivek Sankaran, COO of Frito-Lay North Am...
He said it would be rigged. He blatantly announced that the presidential election would be rigged. The squirrels supporting his presidential election promised the election would be rigged. They would have poll monitors at various neighborhoods to...
If anyone in this "great" land knows anything about renovation, it may well be presidential hopeful Donald J. Trump. A veteran of the real estate industry for several decades now, Trump surely has renovated his share of properties, buildings and eve...
Once it was certain Hillary had lost the electoral college vote, according to insiders, she unloaded on her rumored-to-be philandering husband, Bill. (She had also had choice words for her once bestest gal-pal's hubby.) You son of a bitch, this is...
Hillary Clinton became the lasted casualty of presidential candidates who have lost an erection. Hers came today an hour past midnight, although she did not impart unto the world this information until early this afternoon. Hillary should not be...
In a shocking turn of events Donald Trump has conceded the Election and admitted defeat to Hillary Clinton. Nearly 24 hours before the polls will close out west. Trump appeared on CNN at Trump Tower in Bogata, Idaho. "Let's get this right America!...
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