Profits at old gits pub chain JD Wetherspoon fell 19% in the six months to the end of January. Wetherspoon's weirdo chairman, Brexit cheerleader Tim Martin, the last living proponent of the mullet, hairstyle of the gods, immediately announced that it...
The UK government has forked out a 33million-quid settlement to EuroTunnel over the handing out of ferry contracts in the event of a no deal Brexit. It doesn’t bode well for our negotiating teams if they’ve ended up losing a court case to a fucking t...
Breaking news just hitting us in the face like we wished that train had done last night, damn that passing woman and her wish to help those in need! EX-UKIP and current Tory bottom-feeder, George Eustice, has today resigned from government. “Who e...
The BBC and ITV have teamed up to release the new online streaming service “BritBox” in the UK. The service quickly dubbed “BrexitBox” by heroic Brexiteers will only show the best of the best of the best of British programming. Mike Smallwood of t...
Miguel Garage, UKIP's spokesman of the day, has made the extraordinary claim that anyone still opposing the party's version of Brexit must be a traitor. "It's not rocket science," said the fat former stockbroker. "We had a vote, and the will of th...
After Parliament rejected nearly every Brexit option offered to it, MPs have finally agreed on a decision for how to progress with the messy EU divorce. Prime Minister Theresa May has been sent back to Brussels to procure a left-handed screwdriver.
Angry chants of the Great Rising from the Peasants' Revolt of the 14th century rang through Westminster yesterday as modern serfs (well-heeled activists brandishing coffee-to-go beakers and Pret à Manger turkey sandwiches) advanced on the capital to...
A historic defeat for the Prime Minister and her Brexit deal in the House of Commons on Tuesday, and a vote of 'no confidence' in the government on Wednesday, should have forced a General Election, but a major blunder by MPs on their ballot slips, me...
Embattled PM, Theresa May, has spent the day meeting MPs in an attempt to achieve a “Brexit consensus” with the current one just being “plough on wildly until we hit a wall”. Mrs May has met with an army of suited wank stains and walking beacons...
The English Civil War, which raged throughout the land in two periods between 1642 and 1651, was the last time the people of England were so divided on opinion that they had to revert to inflicting violence upon one another, but the current state of…
There was chaos amongst MPs in the House of Commons tonight, after it was realised that they had been duped, and that the vote they had taken part in earlier - Prime Minister, Theresa May's Brexit deal - had, instead, been a 'second referendum' on th...
The price of a bag of chips from a local fish and chip shop is likely to rise to £3 after Britain leaves the EU, voters have been warned, a revelation that struck fear into the hearts of the underclasses. The Prime Minister, Theresa May, told repo...
In the case of a reversal in the Brexit madness, Theresa May has ordered a special flying squad of WW2 spitfires to protect the nation from a EU attack on UK sovereignty. May, reaching the end of her sanity, has turned to the inspirational Winsto...
Amid frantic efforts to clarify Irish border issues post-Brexit, the government has clean forgotten to forge a deal with Santa Claus. His route famously takes him across the Irish Sea and, more significantly, straight through the Irish border at Rosl...
Police and immigration officials were called to a beach in Norfolk this morning, when a man was discovered only half-conscious, and wearing only a pair of lederhosen. He was soaking wet. The location for this momentous event was the seaside villag...
In a week which saw US movie star, Angelina Jolie, refuse to rule out a possible future move into politics, Match Of The Day host, Gary Lineker, also appears to be taking a similar route. Lineker, 58, has taken US President Donald Trump as his exa...
In another complete turnaround in stated aims, Prime Minister, Theresa May, announced that she was now 'in favour' of a second Brexit referendum, and that it will be in January. May, who doesn't seem to know which way to turn, what day of the week...
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