Stottering Man United got heavily stung swimming in dangerous seas last night by a Portuguese "Man-of-war". Benfica run rings around United leaving their deadly tentacles stinging all over the pitch. United must now travel to Basel and hope that they...
A heavily moustached QPR team had to man up and suck up the hairy banter when they fronted up against an ugly Stoke side on Saturday. "I told the lads before the game that they looked like a load of gay porn stars and that The Britannia Stadium i...
God is certainly a Man United fan and it has been proven many times. He follows United in every game and orders Chicharito to get on his knees, makes their opponents miss open goals and even lets United win when they're playing lousy. Ever since 1...
Exeter Devon, UK: The results of a one year psychological study conducted by Dr. M. Shuttlecock, a noted London psychologist, has been published in the Surrey Psychological Observational Obsessive Functions (SPOOF) journal. The study investigated whe...
Manchester United have signed a 5 year-old super dog called Jack who can do things with a ball that not even Wayne Rooney can do. United scouts spotted the dog doing his amazing tricks in a municipal Manchester park with his owner, Andy a staunch Man...
Giovanni Trapattoni stated recently "I'm Not God", although Republic Of Ireland are doing pretty well at the moment, qualifying for Euro 2012. When asked if Trapattoni was almighty and all that, 3 out of 4 of the potential squad for the Euros sai...
At a press conference celebrating the impact of pay per view viewing on football Sepp Blatter sensationally claimed today that there was no such thing as racism in football and he had no idea what the "dark skinned races" were complaining about.
Worcester City player Lee Smith has been suspended from playing indefinitely while a police investigation is conducted into his comments on Twitter. "His remarks were out of order," said club chairman, Adge Wurzel. "I don't understand this Twitche...
With goal celebrations becoming ever more complicated, Trent Training, based in Tyneside, have set up a new training regime for professional players to teach them new goal celebrations. "Obviously," said Trent Training Teaching Co-Ordinator, Alan...
England managed to beat Spain last night in a sensational fashion, they only touched the ball once in earnest! The free kick that baffled the Spanish defence hit the post and Lamps got his bonce stuck in the way. The Spanish playing their ticka-...
Chiswick's leading football pundit was confidently predicting that England will win the 2014 World Cup tournament at a canter, following the three lions dramatic 1-0 Wembley victory over reigning world champions Spain. "Lamps is still only 33," Ju...
Former Manchester United and England full back, Gary Neville, is apparently having a hard time dealing with the revelation by chubby TV presenter James Corden, that his great great great grandparents, or somebody, were actually born in Liverpool.
PFA Chief, Gordon Taylor, has admitted to his disappointment at being left disappointed by a player so synonymous with disappointing those who have taken him on his word, that the name on the back of his shirt is stuck on with Velcro. The player,...
In a not so surprising development, Brazilian football starlet Neymar, who has been widely touted as the next big thing in football, has revealed that he has a short term memory loss condition. Neymar, 19, read out a pre-written statement at a press...
QPR fans are chewing over the formation of their manager's new teeth. "Sir Neil's Hampsteads don't seem to fit, he looks like Dick Emery's vicar" proclaimed lifelong QPR fan Ginger Vitis, a dental hygienist from East Acton. Warnock guided his...
Sport. To some a pastime, to others a way to unwind from the stresses of the day. And to other others it's a job. Others still find sport a thing that 'other people do'! But whatever it is, it's sport! A competitive, energy depleting activity, designed to get you fit, sweaty and worked up! Here we delve in to ten things you need to know about all types of sport, so jog on... 1. R...
Neil Warnock has admitted he never thought he would settle in London, but has been pleasantly surprised. "I love London. Everyone said it's full of twats, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I moved my family into a nice 3-bed maisonette...
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