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Funny satire stories about Football (Soccer)

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Funny story: Van Persie Hat Trick Gives Chelsea The Blues

Van Persie Hat Trick Gives Chelsea The Blues

Arsenal proved today that they aren't dead in the water after all as they emerged comfortable winners in a 5-3 triumph at Stamford Bridge, ably aided by a Robin Van Persie hat trick. It was a pulsating encounter, which Chelski led at half time by...

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Funny story: John Terry denies having a porcupine on his head

John Terry denies having a porcupine on his head

John Terry has categorically denied having a porcupine on his head during Chelsea's shock defeat at QPR. In a carefully worded statement, John Terry told a reporter "It's not a fucking porcupine you cunt." The FA are investigating the porcupi...

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Funny story: Manchester United Promise To 'Go Easy' On Everton

Manchester United Promise To 'Go Easy' On Everton

Everton fans can relax - signals emerging from Manchester Utd today suggest all is well in the Red Devils camp after a stroll out in the Carling Cup on Tuesday night. There had been fears that following Utd's 6-1 home mauling at the hands of deadl...

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Funny story: John Terry denies making intelligent comment

John Terry denies making intelligent comment

Chelsea skipper John Terry has insisted he did not make an intelligent comment during Chelsea's comprehensive defeat by a classy and witty QPR team at Loftus Road yesterday. Videos posted on the internet claim to show JT mouthing the words "Nietzs...

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Funny story: Manchester United Opponents Seek Match Postponements

Manchester United Opponents Seek Match Postponements

In a bizarre coincidence illness and injuries have stricken Manchester United's next two opponents - Aldershot and Everton. Following their mauling by deadly rivals Manchester City at Old Trafford on Sunday, United are due to travel to Aldershot i...

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Funny story: Sir Alex Silent As Noisy Neighbours Subject Sorry United To A Ruthless Six-One Mauling

Sir Alex Silent As Noisy Neighbours Subject Sorry United To A Ruthless Six-One Mauling

Sir Alex Ferguson refused to comment today as Manchester United were ruthlessly dismantled by the noisy neighbours at Old Trafford. After a six goal hiding, a Sky Sports assistant knocked on the United dressing room door and asked Sir Alex to come...

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Funny story: Manchester City Stuff United In Derby? You're Having A Laugh, Says Expert

Manchester City Stuff United In Derby? You're Having A Laugh, Says Expert

A top football expert refused to believe that the Manchester derby ended with City demolishing United 6-1. "Give over. You're having a laugh, aren't you," said EIF News & Features sports editor Thelonious Adidas when he heard the result. "Go o...

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Funny story: Noisy neighbours crash a party in Manchester!

Noisy neighbours crash a party in Manchester!

Man United's noisy neighbours crashed the party at the Theatre of Dreams today and took over the city for the first time in 43 years. Money talks and City proved to Utd that money plus quality = success, especially in footy and spanked United's bums...

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Funny story: Manchester City's Kompany To Receive Award After Derby

Manchester City's Kompany To Receive Award After Derby

Vincent Kompany, captain of Manchester City, has been awarded with the official title of football's largest head, say F.A chiefs. "We don't mean he's a boaster, or a cocky so-and-so," said Carl Bender, F.A spokesman, "we just mean he has the bigge...

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Funny story: Stalybridge Celtic manager reveals the secret to their success

Stalybridge Celtic manager reveals the secret to their success

Stalybridge Celtic have set a personal best record by going unbeaten at home for nearly the whole of 2011, and manager Jim Harvey has come forward to explain how such a record was set. "It's quite simply down to the fans at the club," said former...

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Funny story: Altrincham accused of manipulating League Golden Boot

Altrincham accused of manipulating League Golden Boot

Altrincham Football Club who ply their trade in the Conference North, two promotions away from the football league, have been discovered attempting to manipulate the Golden Boot to ensure at least one trophy goes to Altrincham this season. "Basica...

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Funny story: "We'll Batter The Munichs On Sunday!" Says Bewildered Lady Football Fan

"We'll Batter The Munichs On Sunday!" Says Bewildered Lady Football Fan

Dorking pensioner, and rabid lady football fan, Eloise Bostik, 82,is so looking forward to Sunday's Manchester derby between United and City at Old Trafford, that she's cancelled Sunday dinner and ordered a bottle of sherry from Freshco's on line hom...

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Funny story: Tevez spared from nail biting charge as new regime takes effect at City

Tevez spared from nail biting charge as new regime takes effect at City

The one remaining member of the Carlos Tevez fan club was relieved today. A local Mancunian, Kier Jurabsheahan, who is so besotted with the Argentine striker that he has had his name changed by deed poll to make him sound more like Tevez's long ti...

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Funny story: Tevez To Play At Old Trafford In Manchester Derby

Tevez To Play At Old Trafford In Manchester Derby

The latest buzz on the Manchester rumour hotline is that want away striker Carlos Tevez will line up in Manchester City's starting eleven in this weekend's head to head clash with Manchester United at Old Trafford. Insiders say that City have init...

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Funny story: QPR boss Neil Warnock pins hopes on 'Ade for Adel'

QPR boss Neil Warnock pins hopes on 'Ade for Adel'

QPR manager Neil Warnock has helped come to the rescue of Adel Taarabt's near-poverty status by recording a song to raise funds for his talented talisman. "I understand living in London on twenty five grand a week can be tough, little wonder Adel...

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Funny story: Man City have a secret weapon for Sunday's derby!

Man City have a secret weapon for Sunday's derby!

The rhetoric bullshit in the build up to Sunday's Manchester derby is gradually gathering pace and now Man City have thrown a "red herring" at United in the form of a "secret weapon"! Jaggedone sent his CIA army (Cockroach Infiltration Army) over...

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Funny story: All football fans are mugs

All football fans are mugs

At a recent FIFF meeting (Football Is Finally Finished), Mr Porkypies'n Batter gave a resounding insight into what he thought of people connected with football. "It's quite simple. The whole lot of them are mugs. It has been my total life's ambit...

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