The owners of Titanic ship Pierre Luigi Luigi today claimed that Manchester United midfielder Paul Scholes will join the crew when the boat is ready to relaunch at the end of 2012. "Eeeee is just what we need - an expert on 'ow yu say - the rescue...
In demand Blackburn defender Chris Samba, who handed in a transfer request yesterday, is expected to sign for four London clubs in the next few days. The unique transfer deal will see the current Blackburn captain sign contracts with London rivals To...
Friends and family of Portsmouth 'superfan' Jake Seaport were concerned for his safety last night. Mr Seaport, 39, of Southsea, was last seen running along Goldsmith Avenue away from Fratton Park late yesterday after an interview with EIF News &am...
Crackpot Manchester City striker Mario Balotelli has just accepted delivery of a top of the range mobility scooter which he says he'll use to do the odd spot of shopping at Manchester's Trafford Centre, and to transport him from the dressing rooms at...
Swansea City officials revealed that they have lodged an appeal with the FA following a late equaliser by Gunners legend Thierry Henry, levelling the scores at 3-3 and snatching a valuable point from the jaws of defeat. Both teams had left the pit...
As Arsenal Football Club announced they were planning to go on a pre-season tour of Nigeria, Ollyjonjo Banjo marketing manager for Arsenalticketsinnigeria.web made a separate press release saying all tickets for the tour will be sold by email. Ollyjo...
Arsenal goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny has apologised for saying in a Twitter message that team-mate Aaron Ramsey looked "like a sheep shagger". The 21-year-old Polish goalkeeper has been reminded by the club of his responsibilities, and apologised...
Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard has signed a new long-term contract which will effectively see him end his career with the same doctor. The 31-year-old scouser, who came through the ranks at Liverpool, first appeared at the surgery back in Novemb...
Anything Blackburn can do, Bolton can do better, at least according to roly-poly Bolton funnyman Peter Kay - who reckons that not only will Bolton beat Man United at Old Trafford, but that they'll win by a wider margin than Rovers 3-2 Kay, who by...
After being rejected by Manchester United, suspended by Manchester City, and snubbed by just about everybody else, controversial striker, Carlos Tevez is allegedly enthusiastic about an offer from Burnley. Who have put in an offer to Manchester Ci...
Pop star and erratic driver George 'Greekius' Michalos today backed plans for London football club Fulham to increase the capacity to their stadium. "I love it. I'm always up for a bit of the cottaging. Especially on Saturday afternoon when the gr...
Berwick Rangers, concerned about their uncertain footballing status after the proposed Scottish secession from the United Kingdom in 2014, have bought their Glaswegian namesake Rangers in a blockbuster £4,233.54 deal in a bid to safeguard their conti...
The mysterious finances of Chelsea skipper John Terry took another twist last night when he and his family moved back to the area where he was born - straight into a four bed council house. The 'stun' newspaper revealed he remortgaged his home in...
The QPR authorities are to sentence anyone who has not participated in mourning sessions for deposed leader Neil Warnock to terms in North Korean labour camps, reported the Shepherd's Bush Gazette. The decision to hand out punishments of at least...
The London Riots were postponed last night on police advice after a game of football broke out at White Hot Lane between two teams of eleven footballers. The final day of riots had been pencilled in for early January after the scheduled date in Au...
The controversial Neil Warnock spoke out today about his sacking at QPR, pinning the blame on chairman Tony Fernandes. And West Ham. And Carlos Tevez. And the FA. And the Premier League. And the fans and players at QPR. Thats all, I think. But defini...
Leo Messi was today named the 'Short Footballer of the Year' in a prestigious ceremony at the Dog and Duck in Cleethorpes. 5 foot 7 inches Messi held off competition in the voting from now retired 5 foot 6 inches Roberto Carlos, 5 foot 5 inches De...
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