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Funny satire stories about cancer

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Funny story: Snow Blasts Oncologist's Comments as "Emboldening Cancer"

Snow Blasts Oncologist's Comments as "Emboldening Cancer"

White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, today, blasted his oncologist for what he called "a blatant, and totally irresponsible mischaracterization of the battle against [Snow's] cancer."...

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Funny story: Jelly Farts

Jelly Farts

Ever have a colonoscopy? This is where you lay down on a hospital bed and they run a camera up through the rectum and into the colon. Doctors due this to check for colon cancer, hemorhoids, and other possible problems. If your answer is yes, you know where this is going.

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Funny story: Learn UNIX in 20 minutes

Learn UNIX in 20 minutes

BANGCOCK, THIGHLAND-(RUBERZ) "Operating UNIX is now so simple to use it can be learnt in 20 minutes.", brags Laparoscopic radical prostatectomy expert, Dr. Dick Shaftless, who has published research and ope...

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Funny story: Boogers Cure Cancer!

Boogers Cure Cancer!

The We'll Lance Your Boil British Medical Journal will publish a report by Doctors Snotgrass and Knowspika that demonstrates that hardened mucous in the nasal cavity contains properties that can fight deadly killer cancer!...

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Funny story: God Charges Bank Administrator Twenty-Five Dollar Late Fee For Not Dying On Time

God Charges Bank Administrator Twenty-Five Dollar Late Fee For Not Dying On Time

Heaven - Seventy-five year-old Wilson Masters, a retired bank administrator, was charged a $25 late fee after living a full three months later than God, and doctors, had expected.

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Funny story: Jon Snow Gets Them Out For The Lads

Jon Snow Gets Them Out For The Lads

Veteran Channel 4 newscaster Jon Snow has rumbustiously defended his recently dented honour by agreeing to promote Breast Cancer awareness.

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Funny story: Tetris Causes Cancer - Study

Tetris Causes Cancer - Study

So our worst fears have been confirmed - Tetris does indeed cause cancer. A statistically significant increase in the incidence of malignant tumors, lymphomas and leukemias have been found in laboratory rats forced to play the popular computer puzzle...

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Funny story: Hypochondria Linked To Cancer - Study

Hypochondria Linked To Cancer - Study

Hypochondriacs everywhere in state of panic...

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Funny story: Mustard May Not Help Prevent Cancer

Mustard May Not Help Prevent Cancer

Mustard, seen as a tasty condiment used on everything from hamburgers to soft pretzels, probably doesn't help prevent cancer, according to a review of studies involving more than 700,000 patients and baseball stadium hotdog eaters.

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Funny story: Brain Cancer Linked to Stupidity

Brain Cancer Linked to Stupidity

The University of California made a not-quite-startling claim today as it released the results of a new study, called "A.S.T.U.P.I.D," or " Are STUpid People Inordinately Detracting?" For at least twelve years, the University has...

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Funny story: Study shows Duck more effective than Prayer

Study shows Duck more effective than Prayer

BOULDER, CO. (SN)- A new study has shown that Daffy Duck is dramatically more effective in treating certain types of cancer than trained, praying healers. "Needless to say, this was somewhat unexpected," states lead researcher Ima Fakker RN...

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Funny story: Surgeon General's Office Finds Multiple New Problems with Smoking

Surgeon General's Office Finds Multiple New Problems with Smoking

The Surgeon General's office released a report today that cigarette smoking contains dangers other than just lung and throat cancer. Dewey Flintlock, official spokesman, said in an interview that these dangers are far reaching. "Have you ever notic...

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Funny story: C.D.C. Determines that Laboratories Cause Cancer in Rats

C.D.C. Determines that Laboratories Cause Cancer in Rats

The Centers for Disease Control, in a joint study with the Food and Drug Administration, the Mayo Clinic, and Johns Hopkins University announced today that laboratories cause cancer in expiremenatal test rodent subjects.

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Funny story: Sudan 1 Tickles UK Tastebuds

Sudan 1 Tickles UK Tastebuds

Share prices in Indian companies producing the deadly dye Sudan 1 have rocketed as Britain steps up its dietary intake of the cancer-causing colorant. It is now reckoned that 95 per cent of all food consumed in the UK is heavily laced with the che...

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Funny story: Mr. T Reluctantly Pities Himself, Long Bout With Cancer And Old Age To Blame

Mr. T Reluctantly Pities Himself, Long Bout With Cancer And Old Age To Blame

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS-- From his bedroom, Mr. T, aka Lawrence Tero, told our reporters he had no other option left but to pity himself. This decision came on the heels of a long battle with cancer and increased aging. For a total of four years now, Mr.

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Funny story: Billy Mays Offers "Urineclean", FDA Investigates

Billy Mays Offers "Urineclean", FDA Investigates

It has the power to clean and the power to wash; it makes brights brighter and darks darker; it cures cancer, kills vermin, and protects against forest fires. Of course I'm talking about the latest product of Billy Mays, "Urineclean". M...

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Funny story: Colin Powell's Colon Clear

Colin Powell's Colon Clear

Bethesda, MD - Following a directive from the President, all senior executive branch officials submitted stool samples to physicians at the Bethesda Naval Hospital for screening for colon cancer. While all of the results have not been release, the W...

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